I'm back....more panic after DH's death

[Hears The Water]

Hi all, Yes, I am back. I was doing so well there for a while. But on March 23 my beloved husband of 12 years died unexpectadly from a blood clot in his brain. I have just been devistated. The panic attacks and anxiety are worse sometimes now. I am so grateful that I have learned the tools to deal with the irrational ideas I get. But it is much more scary for me now because the person I counted on to help me "just in case" is no longer here. I am raising our three children alone. I am estranged from my family so there is not any help from them either. Plus there is a whole new set of stressors in my life. There are so many things like probate and social security to deal with after a death. Plus John was the sole support of our family so I am having to deal with all the financial worries. So, needless to say I am under a lot of pressure. And pressure has allways brought on panic and anxiety for me. I have found an online support group called widownet.org, but they are not quite as familur with all of the panic stuff as y'all are. I actually don't fit in at any of the three message boards that I go to. Here, I feel different because I am a widow, at the widow board it is because of my panic, and at the homesteading board it is a bit of both. *sigh* I just thought I would come by here and see if any of y'all have had to deal with the death of a spouse or s/o. Any and all help would be appreceated.
God bless you and yours
Debbie

[nomorepanic]

Oh Debbie :(

My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry to hear of your sad loss.

I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling right now and I just want to give you a big HUG to let you know that I am thinking of you.

Liz (Stimpy) on here recently lost her mother and she is going through the same grief that you are so I expect she may reply if she sees this post.

We lost Alex's dad nearly 3 years ago now (from cancer) and it really knocked me and I started having panic attacks again the day he died. They went in time but for a while I just had to grieve for him and cope the best I could.

I am sorry to hear that you can't find much help and support from anywhere but we are always here for you and will do all we can to get you through this.

Thinking of you Debbie

xxx

Nicola

[doddy]

debbie,

just wanted to offer my sincere condolencies.......such sad news.

carnt imagine what you must be going through so i wont pretend i do just wanted to let you know that you are not on your own in this and im sure all on here will help in any way they can.

andy

[kate]

Thinking of you, Debbie, at this very sad time.

Love Kate xx

[Piglet]

In my thougts Debbie.
Love Piglet

[seh1980]

So sorry to hear of you loss-my thoughts are with you Debbie

We will do all we can to support you. Please remember that.

[Karen]

Sorry to hear of your loss Debbie. Am thinking of you.


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[alexis]

Hi Debbie, just to let you know I am thinking of you. I cannot begin to understand how you feel losing a husband but understand grief as I lost my father after home nursing him with cancer. I didnt go through the grieving process so it still affects me up to this day.
I know it isnt the same as a husband but it is still grief from somebody so close, I think you will get lots support being back on this board and I dont think you should feel different because you are a widow, the support is still there, take care, just wishing could help more, Alexis,xxxx

[florence]

Hi Debbie

Really sorry to hear about your loss. **hugs**


Florence.


**Don't believe everything you think .**

[carlin]

Hi Debbie,
So very sorry to hear of your awful loss, everyone is here for you, whenever you need us. Big hugs for you and your children. xxxxx

[linjane]

Debbie,
Words cannot describe how you must be feeling and I am thinking of you. I have lost both of my parents, my grand parents and more recently a baby, so I do know how it feels to lost someone close to you. I can't imagine what you're going through, losing your husband and having your three children to care for.

I, as everyone else on here is, am here for you if you need to talk. We will all do what we can to help.

My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

Love,
Linda.x

[Meg]

Hi Debbie,

I am so very sorry to hear of your tragedy.. How awful for you and your children.

I hope you're getting lots of support locally.

Know we are here for you in this dreadful time.

Big hug

Meg

[sepo azul]

Debbie, I had to debate with myself a little before I posted this message because my first thoughts are always along the lines of, "Oh, what I have to say won't be useful" and I, too, tend to feel I don't fit in on these message boards. I think it's human nature, actually- I imagine that most if not all people that post here have felt that way at one time or another. The fact is that we all fit in because we are all people that care about helping ourselves and, it seems, eachother.
I understand that you wish to find someone who can relate to your situation- it was a huge comfort to me, recently, to find this site and for the first time be in contact with people who have experienced the same sorts of sympotoms that I do. I didn't know there was anyone else in the world. While there may or may not be others here that have lost a husband, there are those who have suffered great loss and who can also understand about your anxiety symptoms.
I do have some things in common with you- I have been married about the same amount of time and have three children. I have no family except a sister who is not kid-oreinted and lives far away. (My father died a few years ago, I am estranged from my mother.) My husband was away virtually all of last year because we live in a rural area with no jobs. I have not dealt with the kinds of things that you've been undergoing, but I do have a little experience being on my own with the kids on a day-to-day basis. Also, I lost my very dear sister suddenly (they never did find out what happened ) when I was twenty and she was twenty-four. So I do understand what it is like to lose someone without warning.
It's hard for people to give advice when you lose someone because they don't know what to say. Often they are afraid to talk because because they don't want to bring up more of your pain. But I remember that when my sister died I wanted to talk about it. There is so much to try to sort out in one's mind.
It is a time to rely on your friends and any organizations that you can find to help you. Make sure you take advantage of any help that is offered. And when it isn't offered, ask for help. Our culture today is based so much on the individual, but there are still places where community support is found, community service organizations, religious groups, special - interest clubs..... am I starting to sound preachy?
In my experience greif comes in waves, you may have "good days and bad days". But you will get through this . My friend, when she suddenly lost her husband, put together a srapbook about him, having her kids help her. This was helpful for them. They spent about a month on this.
You do have a lot of pressure on you, so please remember to do something nice for yourself each day- even if it is a small thing.
We are all here for you. Please feel free to PM me if you think it would help to do this- it might help to type out a long letter...
Sepo

[Sarah-Jane]

Awww i cant imagine what your going through love and hugs to you and your kids. I really feel for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Love & Hugs from Sarah-Jane xxxx

[mumof4]

i am very sorry to hear about ur husbands death i know what its like to lose someone close to u my mum died from cancer last year and my panic got worse but now i am getting better due to councelling have u tried that yet i know its a bit soon.

[kairen]

Hi Debbie,

So sorry to hear about your loss,
i do hope you find some comfort in being back on this site,
as you can see everyone feels for you, and i hope that is a comfort in its self,

take care and my thoughts are with you xxx

kairen x

[pips]

Hi Debbie,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can begin to imagine how hard it must be for you.

If ever you want to chat please feel free to PM me or email me.

My thoughts are with you.

Look after yourself hun.

Big Hugs.

Love PIP'S X X

[tattybear]

Debbie,

Im really sorry to hear of your loss, I cant begin to imagin what your going through.

My thoughts and best wishes go out to you and your children.

Take Care

Tatty B xx

[stimpy]

My heart goes out to you hun.

I've not long lost my mum. And it is hard, very hard.
Especially when it happens so fast and with no warning.

I guess the best we can do is hang in there and use our skills to hold things together.

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

[jill]

Debbie

Sooo sorry to hear about your loss.
My heart and my thoughts are with you and your children.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXX

[Hears The Water]

Thank you all for your condolences. Yes, I am being taken care of here. I belong to a home schooling co-op that has just been wonderful. They have been taking care of us. Bringing us food and helping hold our hands. John's co-workers from Home Depot have been raising money for us too. We didn't have any life insurance and was left without income. We now have social security for the children and that is taking care of 3/4's of our bills. I am most likely going to be starting a home based buisness to make up the difference. Probably the biggest hurtle for me is getting the house back in order. I don't feel at peace when the house is messed up. And we all know just how important it is to feel at peace as much as possible. I am so grateful for the skills I have learned here. Breathing is sooooo important. Another down side of this is the fact that grief lowers the body's immune system. So I have been sick more lately and so have the kids. In fact, two of my three are sick right now. It really freaks me out, so I have that to deal with as well. I think that I will be back more and more as I try to learn how to deal with all of this. Thanks for the support.
God bless you and yours
Debbie

[linjane]

Debbie,
Just to let you know I am thinking of you. I don't know what else to say, just that if you need to talk I'm here. You sound as though you have lots of support around you, which will help. I have had five losses in recent years, the last being a baby when I was five months pregnant, so I have some idea of what you are going through. Keep strong and take one day at a time. Above all, let your grief out, don't bottle it up. If I could turn back time, that would be one thing I wish I had done.
Look after yourself and your children,
Love,
Linda.xxx

[seh1980]

hi Debbie,

I'm glad that you have support and caring people around you at this difficult time.

We are all here when you need us.

Sarah :D

[Meg]

Debbie ,

Really glad everyone is rallying round to help..Let them ..



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

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