bad days

[dogue]

been having a bad couple off months lately seems panics are getting worse and i feel so up set that all i can think of is toping myself seems tht i am more and more house bound and dont feel like doing anything .and feel as if iam holding my girlfriend back and ruining her life by been with me ,hate talking like this and sound a total f...ing loser what is the point in carrying on !!! to live in hell and to put my burdens on others ,just wish it would all end . 16 years ov this crap .i really have had enough better to sleep forever then live a wasteful life

[Alisonj]

I am so sorry that you have had a rough couple of months. I have had anxiety/panic for 17 years so I completely understand where you are coming from. Some days are defintely harder than others. But you are not holding anyone back and defintely are not a loser. Things will get better. I know its hard to believe when you are feeling low but they will. Have you seen your doc lately? If not a visit might be a good idea to update him on how you are feeling etc. Hang in there.

[belle]

Hi,
What you wrote...I could have written it myself. Word for word.
Do the people around you make you feel like your a burden? I've been told countless times by my husband i'm one, so of course it makes you feel worse.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but if we had the choice we most certainly would have chosen to be in the situation.
You're not a loser -

x

[gtrgrl3369]

Please dont feel like a loser, let me give you a bit of inspiration. I have had anxiety and panic for about 15 years and I am better than I have ever felt before. Last year was the toughest year as my dad died and he wasn a very nice man. I hardly knew him and know he was dead. I couldnt tell him anything about how bad he had hurt me. I fell into a deep depression and didnt feel like this was worth it to be like this day after day. I could barely crawl out of bed and thought I was dying everyday. The crying never seemed to stop. I too felt like a burden. Then I decided I wanted to get better and live life for me. I got out of bed and started to go back to work. I had panic attacks there everyday but I kept on going because if I didnt I knew it was over for me. I sat my husband down and told him to just listen to what I ad to say and not try to fix it. He did and it felt like such a burden was lifted off my chest. I struggled everyday. I got books to help. No meds because I am scared of them. I still had attacks but they were getting further and further apart. I faced what ails us most, fear and I won. I told myself that I was stronger than whatever symptom could come along. I had to make myself believe it and I do now. Please know that you can beat this too. Some days seem so hopeless. I hope this helps in some small way. We are all stronger tha we think we are. Fear just rules us. If you need any help at all please write to me. I know how you are feeling. Sorry for th long post, I just wanted you to know that life is worth living. Take care.:hugs:

[Eva May]

Hey dogue. I felt like this late last year, I really thought it was the end for me. I know everybody works differently and what works for me might not work for you but it might help you to talk to your GP or therapist if you have one. These feelings do not last forever. I have given my boyfriend plenty of opportunities to go and to find someone who he can have fun with that isn't the confines of my house. He's real outdoorsy and loves to travel and there are days when I feel like I'm ruining everything for him but bottom line is he loves me and he doesn't want to leave. Does your girlfriend know you feel this way? If she felt that your panic attacks were too difficult for her she would be gone and if that did happen, you would survive that. Trust me when I say I know how hard it is to be positive when load after load of crap is dumped on you but please try.Turn a bad experience around and see if you can say something like "it could have been worse", just anything to make things look a little better :hugs:

[dogue]

thank you for your reply's iam normally up beat about my panic attacks as havin them so long and got over it in the past and got on with my life but now i have had no job in 2.5 years and this year stoped going out with friends and enjoying life .it just seems to have me beat i feel soo low its unreal just dont want to do anything feel like crying my eyes out but dont seem to cry ? just stuck at home 24/7 waiting to sleep and when awake wanting to sleep again .have got an appointment to see a councllor and see what they say and then they will refer me to who is best but this takes time and what can i do in the mean time sit in and look at these four boaring walls! or watch sky tv witch i find boring or sit at the pc playing games but after 2.5 years of doing find to be a sad life!!!

[kenboon]

dogue Your definatly not a loser. I'v been in the place you are now as have so many people on here and too have felt like pulling the plug, but thats just going to hurt people you care about around you big time. I have had depression for a few years and like you was playing games everyday, mainly BF2 and the like online and would rarely go out. I eventually started to map out my life a bit and focus a bit more on what i wanted from life. And the first thing i did was try and get a job. Having not worked for a few years i did find this very daunting. And when i started my job i found it so hard at first, but was determined not to quit. It got alot better after a bit of time and i even started enjoying it after a while and getting in to a routine. Unfortunatly i'v had alot going on around me the last 12 months, and i have slipped back in to depression and now have anxiety attacks on a regular basis. So now i'm starting to rebuild again and am determined to get there. Try and get out a bit more and change your focus, sitting around and dwelling on it i'v found just makes you worse. I really do know just how hard it is and its one hell of a fight. But slowly but surely you will get there. Just take small steps at first and start rebuilding your life.

All the best

Ken

[Liverbird67]

Just a little thought that might keep you going which works for me, even when I am feeling really really rough
" I know people who have beated this (if you want proof look on the members success stories) I know things are really awful for me at the moment, but hey tomorrows an other day and it might be the day when things start to get better for me" I know that it is tough and somedays I think what is the point but you have to have hope even if its just a little tiny thing at the moment, things will turn around eventually by the law of averages they just have to.

Remember when you are feeling really bad, you are not the only one, this affects loads of people.

Lots of love to you mate.


Debbie
XXXXXXXXXXX

[georgecat]

Hi Dogue,
It seems like you need to set yourself some achievable goals to work towards feeling comfortable out before you go into work. To polish up your C.V. why not do a bit of voluntary work where there is less pressure and will work to build your confidence up. I did this when I was unemployed and it was really good to get a recent reference and work on the panic before going into the workplace.

[georgecat]

.......Also there is lots of things that you can do for free. I tried to aim to get out once a day even if I was really icky. Walking to the local shop for a paper, going to the library. I even got on some free courses with my local college. It all had the aim of building my confidence so that work wasnt such an impossibility

[Mikke]

One of the worst things about anxiey for me is to see how it affects those around me, like my fiance and our daughter.
I always try to remember that all I can do is trying to be the best I can. Every relationship and every family experience trouble. If it isn't anxiety - it's money problems, drinking, illness, fighting, adultery, jealousy, abuse, drugs, gambling...etc etc.
The list goes on. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship or a perfect person. And having anxiety isn't the worst kind of trouble one could get.
Hang in there..:)