Piscian Daydreamer
14-05-05, 20:00
Hello everyone.........
Just found this website,,, and i hope that few people here lead lives that are less anxious than mine. Let me tell you my story....
I'm 19 - a brummie. I have never suffered from panic attacks, but i have a real, serious form of GAD. I used to think it was depresssion,,,, but i now know its just anxiety.
I lead a nomal life, am at uni, have lots of friends. However, beneath the surface i am ultimately anxious. Nobody knows the person i am behind closed doors. I am ultimately sentimental, and i think, think, think, think, think all my life. From the moment i wake up to when i go to bet..... i am always worrying. I am comparing my life to everyone else, always wandering if my mates are out socialising, having fun without me, even though theyre not. I THINK TOO HARD. I am so obsessed with organisation, i feel i am going crazy. I keep a day to day diary of all the depressing thoughts that enter my head. I am obsessed with popularity. Although i have a lot of friends, i keep drawing mind maps on paper with me in the middle, and all my friends around me, just so i can check visually that i am popular.
I honestly, words cannot explain my anxiety. I will never kill myself or anyhting like that, i lead a normal life......... but i also lead a depressed life, when i have little to be depressed about. Like i say, i am always daydreaming, tearing myself up... thinking about how terrible my life is....... wanting to change it....
Ive been anxious for about 2 years since 6th form. Alot of my anxiety is to do with my dysmorphia. I consider myself as a genuinely, not bad looking 19 year old. I'm 6ft 2, and go to the gym all the time. I am obsessed with it........... always feeling anxious about needing to rip my body because i'm naturally a skinny lad.
Then, theres the fact that im 19 and still a virgin. Someimes, this is soul destroying. Ive lied to all of my friends about girls ive had, when really ive had none. I dont even know why........ i am MB - clever, good looking.... passionate. I go to clubs all of the time and never ever pull - i just havent got the desire to dance, and i find it humiliating to chat up girls. Ive always accepted that i would never find a girl in a club....... but in my day to day life i never meet girls either! I am so unlcuky in terms of my module classes at uni - i do a design course and it always seems to turn out... that all the people in my class are males.
Dam, i'm 19 and never been kissed. It feels awful writing this, it really does. Please, someone out there tell me it isn't important! Please, tell me its nothing to worry about......................... But when will i get my chance? What is wrong with me?????
If you have listened to all of this then thankyou very much. Its like a disease i have, a daydreaming disease. This anxiety makes me bored very very easily........... i worry the morning after nights out, even if they are great ones. I feel desperate to be cherished, and loved by a girl. I could give a girl everything..... i really could - i am MB.
........... sorry for dragging on so long, this is a typical diary entry for me........
Regards
MB
Just found this website,,, and i hope that few people here lead lives that are less anxious than mine. Let me tell you my story....
I'm 19 - a brummie. I have never suffered from panic attacks, but i have a real, serious form of GAD. I used to think it was depresssion,,,, but i now know its just anxiety.
I lead a nomal life, am at uni, have lots of friends. However, beneath the surface i am ultimately anxious. Nobody knows the person i am behind closed doors. I am ultimately sentimental, and i think, think, think, think, think all my life. From the moment i wake up to when i go to bet..... i am always worrying. I am comparing my life to everyone else, always wandering if my mates are out socialising, having fun without me, even though theyre not. I THINK TOO HARD. I am so obsessed with organisation, i feel i am going crazy. I keep a day to day diary of all the depressing thoughts that enter my head. I am obsessed with popularity. Although i have a lot of friends, i keep drawing mind maps on paper with me in the middle, and all my friends around me, just so i can check visually that i am popular.
I honestly, words cannot explain my anxiety. I will never kill myself or anyhting like that, i lead a normal life......... but i also lead a depressed life, when i have little to be depressed about. Like i say, i am always daydreaming, tearing myself up... thinking about how terrible my life is....... wanting to change it....
Ive been anxious for about 2 years since 6th form. Alot of my anxiety is to do with my dysmorphia. I consider myself as a genuinely, not bad looking 19 year old. I'm 6ft 2, and go to the gym all the time. I am obsessed with it........... always feeling anxious about needing to rip my body because i'm naturally a skinny lad.
Then, theres the fact that im 19 and still a virgin. Someimes, this is soul destroying. Ive lied to all of my friends about girls ive had, when really ive had none. I dont even know why........ i am MB - clever, good looking.... passionate. I go to clubs all of the time and never ever pull - i just havent got the desire to dance, and i find it humiliating to chat up girls. Ive always accepted that i would never find a girl in a club....... but in my day to day life i never meet girls either! I am so unlcuky in terms of my module classes at uni - i do a design course and it always seems to turn out... that all the people in my class are males.
Dam, i'm 19 and never been kissed. It feels awful writing this, it really does. Please, someone out there tell me it isn't important! Please, tell me its nothing to worry about......................... But when will i get my chance? What is wrong with me?????
If you have listened to all of this then thankyou very much. Its like a disease i have, a daydreaming disease. This anxiety makes me bored very very easily........... i worry the morning after nights out, even if they are great ones. I feel desperate to be cherished, and loved by a girl. I could give a girl everything..... i really could - i am MB.
........... sorry for dragging on so long, this is a typical diary entry for me........
Regards
MB