Any body out there....?

[Punk]

Hi all,

I think that if i was to hear from at least one other person in the world who experiences that same thing as me when there suffering anxiety then i would be alot better! So here goes...

My Story....

I met my now husband 4 years ago and I knew i wanted to spend the rest of my life with my after 6 days of knowing him! it was an instant connection and i just knew that i loved him straight away!! the only problem was we lived in different states! We had a long distance relationship for 12 months, then i moved to QLD to be with him!

Our relationship was as soild as concrete for 3 years straight and I wanted nothing more then to get married and have kids with him! He was my best friend as well as my lover!

Last October, i was trying to loose weight and i'd just eaten a bowl of ice cream and i was complaing i was fat and my husband said well why did you eat the ice cream then! at that moment, something inside my head snapped and i can remember it as plain as day! I remember my head saying... "I hope you arent doubting that you love him"! From that minute on i couldnt get it out of my head! I made my self sick over it, i couldnt eat, i couldnt sleep, i could only cry and talk about it over and over and over and over again!!

The thing is i wanted to love him and i wanted to have my feelings for him, but i couldnt feel whether i still loved him or whether i didnt still love him! I sent my self crazy!! I wanted nothing more than to hug him and kiss him and cuddle him but i just couldnt feel my feelings! I went to the doctors and he put my on Effexor! 4 months passed and it was christmas and i seemed to be just as bad, as though the tablets werent really doing anything, however sometimes i could feel my feelings for him and knew that i loved him, and other times i was just numb!

Mean while i was planning my wedding! Nothing in my head ever told me not to go ahead with the wedding! I knew i wanted to marry him, i just wished my feelings would come back 100%

My husband was so perfect, he supported me through it 150% he was so wonderful! In April of this year i went back to the Doc's and told him i had taken my self off the tablets that i was better and i could stand on the top of a mountain and scream to the whole world that i loved him with every inch of my heart!!

A week before the wedding i went of the track again!! My head got the same thought back in that i was doubting whether I loved him or not and i spent most of that week crying!! the wedding day came around and I knew it was what i wanted, but i still had the anxiety there!

This anxiety seemed to stick around all through our honeymoon as well!! I spent many days crying and stressing my self silly!! I had married him yet i was still worrying! The week after we got back from the honeymoon i was yet again on top opf the world and could feel all my feelings again!

This didnt last long! four weeks ago i sent my self crazy again!! I'm now on Lexapro! It sort of different this time around, as i KNOW i love him and want to be with him and dont want to be with anyone else or anywhere else in the world and i can feel my feelings, but i still have that underlying anxiety there that seems to question it!!!

I think the thing that did my head in was I still act as though i am so in love! i love cuddling him, and kissing him and being with him and doing special things for him, it's just something doesnt feel right!

My pshycologist said that it is my anxiety causing me to feel this not the relationship!!

I am wondering if anyone else suffers from the same thing with their partner or husband when there anxiety is bad??

Any thoughts or words of help are welcome!

Cheers
Punk

[pooh]

HI Punk

if you look in the ocd section there is stuff in there to do with relationships. I believe you will relate and understand

hope this helps POoh x

[Punk]

Thank you very much! will check it out!!

[Captain America]

anxiety nearly ruined my marriage. i had the same doubts about my feelings, which i handled, but then anxiety started to extend into making me think my child was not mine, causing me to outright ask my wife if he was. she was...um...insulted, i guess you could say?
the funny part of anxiety is it's so REAL. you can tell yourself that's just the anxiety talking, but anxiety is so primal that you can't logic it away. talking yourself out of feeling anxiety is like talking yourself into love. you can't really do it...just have to know what it is while you let yourself feel it anyway. if that makes sense?

anyway my wife and i survived, but she still brings it up now and then. i just tell her, 'that wasn't me. that was the anxiety'. i'm not sure she believes me. with therapy, i don't have relationship doubts anymore. but they may come again. i just have to remember that anxiety loves that stuff.

[nursey4]

Hi there- I have had loads of doubts about my relationship in recent months, feeling as if maybe I don't love my husband anymore. I have stressed myself hugely over it as well. I don't really see this as having anything to do with my anxiety although 5 years ago when I married him I had doubts because I could not feel my feelings properly ~ something like what you described. It was like I knew the old me would have married him so I did it but my feelings were all screwed up - this was in the early days of my anxiety and I had bad depersonalization.
Wish you all the best. You are not alone!

[mothermac]

Reading this thread tonight I feel as though I am looking into a mirror.I have recently felt as though my husband is driving me mad.I know I love him and yet I feel annoyed with the relationship(does this make sense?.)I pick the marriage apart and say stupid things like "we don't do things together anymore" etc,crazy man.I get sympathy from him sometimes and sometimes not,I bet he's sick of me nitpicking and pulling us apart.I am waiting for counselling so I hope this helps me cope with my emotions better.