danieluk
25-08-08, 16:43
Hi
I have been suffering with panic and anxiety disorders for five years now (that I have been aware of). I think I suffered for some years before that, but unfortunately I was taking mood altering drugs and was unaware of what was really going on.
I was so pleased to find this website about a year ago. I stop by regularily to read stories when I am struggling; it really helps. But I have been too ashamed to join. I feel a lot of shame about how vulnerable I feel these days.
I am 34 and up until I had my first major panic attack, I was courageous, out-going and loved getting the most out of my life.
Nowadays, I have periods where I cope, sometimes weeks at a time; I do my best and try to continue doing the things I love, but I feel I have this "grey cloud" that hangs over me and whether I like it or not, it casts a shadow over whatever I am doing.
I have done 2-4 years of therapy and a fair amount of work on myself. I understand what is happening physiologially, I know myself, my childhood, etc, etc but none of this has given me freedom from the anxiety and I feel so tired now.
I have had to put my work on hold this week as I had a big attack on the weekend, i have also cancelled buying a new home with my partner, which I know she is sad about, as am I.
What hurts the most is that my life is really good. I am successful in my job, I have a lovely home, A wonderful partner, who is very supportive and patient, a great family and good friends. I know this in my head, but I dont feel it in my heart. I feel alone and a failure. I feel that I am deceiving everyone and that no one knows me.
I wanted to finally leave a message on NMP as a way of admitting where I really am in my life and in the hope that someone else feels the way I do.
I have also been given lots of really helpful things to help with my panic and I wanted to share them as I dont want my first post to be "all doom and gloom". I have listed them below, they may be obvoius, but maybe not.
1. I do a meditiation of 10-15 minutes focusing on my breathing. breathing calm into every part of my body.
2. I write "gratitude lists". this is a quick list of 10-20 things that are good in my life. It can be my partner or even just toast, so long as I write them every day. It helps me focus on the positive.
3. I repeat "mantras" that are the opposite to what my head is telling me. for example, my head tells me "I am dying", so I repeat "I am healthy".
4. Running water. For some reason a shower really helps. Maybe that is just me, I dont know.
I know there are lots of useful things out there, but I just wanted to share some of mine.
I hope to be able to talk to other people who feel like me as I am tired of being misunderstood and I am just plain "TIRED".
take care
D
I have been suffering with panic and anxiety disorders for five years now (that I have been aware of). I think I suffered for some years before that, but unfortunately I was taking mood altering drugs and was unaware of what was really going on.
I was so pleased to find this website about a year ago. I stop by regularily to read stories when I am struggling; it really helps. But I have been too ashamed to join. I feel a lot of shame about how vulnerable I feel these days.
I am 34 and up until I had my first major panic attack, I was courageous, out-going and loved getting the most out of my life.
Nowadays, I have periods where I cope, sometimes weeks at a time; I do my best and try to continue doing the things I love, but I feel I have this "grey cloud" that hangs over me and whether I like it or not, it casts a shadow over whatever I am doing.
I have done 2-4 years of therapy and a fair amount of work on myself. I understand what is happening physiologially, I know myself, my childhood, etc, etc but none of this has given me freedom from the anxiety and I feel so tired now.
I have had to put my work on hold this week as I had a big attack on the weekend, i have also cancelled buying a new home with my partner, which I know she is sad about, as am I.
What hurts the most is that my life is really good. I am successful in my job, I have a lovely home, A wonderful partner, who is very supportive and patient, a great family and good friends. I know this in my head, but I dont feel it in my heart. I feel alone and a failure. I feel that I am deceiving everyone and that no one knows me.
I wanted to finally leave a message on NMP as a way of admitting where I really am in my life and in the hope that someone else feels the way I do.
I have also been given lots of really helpful things to help with my panic and I wanted to share them as I dont want my first post to be "all doom and gloom". I have listed them below, they may be obvoius, but maybe not.
1. I do a meditiation of 10-15 minutes focusing on my breathing. breathing calm into every part of my body.
2. I write "gratitude lists". this is a quick list of 10-20 things that are good in my life. It can be my partner or even just toast, so long as I write them every day. It helps me focus on the positive.
3. I repeat "mantras" that are the opposite to what my head is telling me. for example, my head tells me "I am dying", so I repeat "I am healthy".
4. Running water. For some reason a shower really helps. Maybe that is just me, I dont know.
I know there are lots of useful things out there, but I just wanted to share some of mine.
I hope to be able to talk to other people who feel like me as I am tired of being misunderstood and I am just plain "TIRED".
take care
D