Need help to understand SA

[Pip Squeak]

Hi there i am the boyfriend of an SA sufferer. She has not been diagnosed professionally but from all i have read on this site and others her symtoms (if thats the correct word?) do seem to align. I want to be able to take her to a pub maybe or even just for her to meet my friends, i know this couldnt happen over night but i am trying my best to find ways to help her and slowly introduce her to socialising again. She is 28 now and i am told by her family and friends when she was younger she was still a bit shy but a lot more outgoing and more than happy to go pubs, clubs, car boots and other peoples houses etc. I have been with her getting close to a year, and altough shy when she first met me it seems to only have been the last month its become a noticeable problem to her and she is getting very highly stressed about seeing people or people coming round. I understand how she feels although i am concerned its getting worse and quickly so, to the point that 3 days ago, suddenly quite out the blue she was refusing to come into my house, but now she's here she's fine. She herself has told me she wants to get help so she can be more social, more like her old self and even if not happy in others company at least to be able to bear it. Also could SA come to form in eating disorders? She finds it extremely hard to eat in front of other people, men more so than women. We can now eat together most of the time but with the mixture of SA and this food issue going to a restruant is out of the question. How can i help her? Are there groups she can attend (birmingham area prefferbly) Is there something specific she should ask the doctors if i can persuade her to visit them? And one last question, is sad verry effective? Sorry about the mass of writing, i just have so many questions and i need answers to try to help her. Thankyou,
"a worried bf"

[Anna C]

Hi,

I would say continue to support her. I think you just being there for her will help. Also don't push her into doing things or going places when she doesn't feel ready. If you put any pressure on her she will think she is letting you down, and she will feel even worse.

Yes feeling uncomfortable eating in front of people is a part of it, although your girlfriend doesn't have an eating disorder its just part of social anxiety.
I think the best way you can help her is to persuade her to see her doctor she needs help to deal with this, even with your support she still needs professional help. CBT is supposed to be really helpful, you could google for self help groups in your area or, your girlfriend could ask her GP.
I really hope your girlfriend gets the help she needs.
Anna

[Pip Squeak]

Thanks anna. As long as im not being unreasonable hopeing that one day we will be able to go out as a couple to a cafe or my friends/hers. I shall continue to try and persuade her to see a doctor and ask about sad. Thanks again.

[Ozzy]

Thanks anna. As long as im not being unreasonable hopeing that one day we will be able to go out as a couple to a cafe or my friends/hers. I shall continue to try and persuade her to see a doctor and ask about sad. Thanks again.

Just like to say i have SA and the best thing i could of ever done was seek the doctor's advice.. The soon the better i left it a lil to late because i found my self staying in and not wanting to see ppl in the outside world and it can lead on to bigger problem's if left sometime's.. The doctor will probley refer her on to someone else, you should look in to her doctors and look to see if there are any doctors who study mental health problem's i found this a good way in to find good help because the doctor is interested in it.
I hope u find the help u need take care
ozzy :)

[Bunty]

Hello

You must get her to her doctor and ask to be referred for either CBT or councelling...or both.This is completely treatable. If the doctor is reluctant then insist on CBT. CBT helps the person confront the problems and see them in a different way.
Encourage REALLY small steps(not force or push) and do them repeatadly. For example, If she can manage to sit in a car in a pub car park then do that repeatedly until she feels comfortable. Pick a quiet pub and sit by the exit or outside. Maybe have a picnic somewhere? None of it will be easy but the more she avoids the worse she'll get. But she has to be ready to do things. You will make it much worse if you try to push her into things.
I would go iand buy a book, something like 'CBT for dummies' and start working through it, maybe together? she'll have to question why she's scared, what does she think is going to happen, and many other things that this book will challenge.
It will take a lot of work but if you can get her to do anything that she finds difficult, no matter how small, make sure she knows that she is in charge and that at any time she wants, you'll take her home or away from the situation. This is very important. i've got serious Social Phobia but if I know that I can leave a situation at any time i'm more likely to try because I fell in control.

I'll answer any questions you have. I've had this for a while, have just had CBT, and am finding things much easier.

She must get a referral for CBT from her doctor.
Buntyx

[milly jones]

i agree with the above posts

i have sa and have recently been being helped thru meds and therapy

the longer u leave it the worse it gets and agoraphobia starts to set in, for me anyway.

i asked a trusted friend to work with me on little steps with goals along the way.

im still very uncomfortable about being out and am not at the party/pub stage but can now eat in company.

it all about small steps which cbt will help u to plan

milly xx

[Pip Squeak]

thankyou all so much for your replys and information, i have managed to get her to a doctors friday gone, she has been given a low dose beta blocker and has been reffered to see a councillor. I never thought about sittin in a pub car park, our usual is to sit in a park car park but there are rarely ppl around. I may make this suggestion to her. Also thankyou for the idea about the book, perhaps working through it wiv me as well as seeing her counsellor may give her more ooomph to get better. Thankyou for your answers to my many questions, im sure i will have more as time goes on and now i know where to come. its so hopefull to have somewhere to turn to after she turns to me. So thankyou again.
pip squeak