mothermac
27-08-08, 19:28
I don't really know if this thread is in the right place on here but I want to outline some of the problems I have with my mother and see what other members think and to give me some advice on how to handle it as I feel I am at the end of my tether with it all.
From the age of 11 when my father died I have had quite a life with my mother.She was 44 when he died and took it so badly that she nearly comitted suicide twice and it was only the thought of leaving me (she said) that pulled her back from the brink.I am an only child and his death hit us hard,we were left alone as her sisters and brother didn't really get on with her so I was left to pick up the pieces.She is a very loving person I must add and I don't want to make you think that this is just a calling match I seriously need advice on what you all think is going on here.We had some holidays as I was growing up and got on generally ok,she was however very clingy and wanted to know my every move-literally.I had a boyfriend when I was 17 and she made him promise to bring me home at 10.00 and she was on the step in her nightie when I arived home telling me to get inside-i WAS ABSOLUTLEY MORTIFIED!!!!.(the relationship seemed strained after that)
Over the years she has been difficult because of her moods and I have been walking on eggshells most of the past 20 yrs because of her depression,She has never sought help for it and when she did mention it to the doc once she cancelled the counselling appt because she said they couldn't help her.
My current husband who I have been married to for 15 yrs finds her very bad to get on with,he thinks she has tried to control me and I am just beginning to see the light.If I go anywhere she tends to tell me that there could be things that will go wrong and I tend to believe her so don't go or do the thing I want to do.She has stopped me getting certain jobs in the past as I am frightened to tell her and she has feighned illness to stop me going into work and I have fell for it.She tells me how to bring my daughter up and overrules me on certain things like sweets for her etc,I know this is something most nana's give their grandchild and I don't for 1 minute want to spoil their relationship but she goes behind my back and is sneaky.
I tried to tell her last night about how bad my anxiety was and she said that she wishes she was dead and out of it because there is always something to worry about.I feel really guilty now and worried that she may do something stupid one day and it will be my fault.
She had a shoplifting episode 2 yrs ago and told me that she was feeling depressed and that is why she did it.I went to the shop and told the manager and he lifted the ban he had given her and said it wouldn't go any further.After that she told me I hadn't helped her then at all and was only interested in myself.
I am sorry to go on but I feel so alone in all this and very confused.I don't know how to get our relationship back on an even keel and tell her I feel smothered by her constant moods and manner.She never hardly smiles,has had no friends since my dad died and doesn't go anywhere,she has never had a job and just sits in the house.I know she is depressed and want to help her but she is so stubborn and won't accept it.She says that she worries about me bevause I am her daughter and she thinks wanting to keep me close all the time is normal.I feel very nervous when around her and even get panicky when I tell her me,my husband and my daughter are going out as she expects to come most of the time and if I want some time on my own she gives me one word answers on the phone the next day and the atmosphere is bad,she must resent me for this.but don't I need a life of my own.I know she is lonely and I wish so much she could have a nice life,I cry many many nights over her and just wish she could be more positive.I am beginning to dislike her immensely and this is putting our relationship under great strain,I find her physically and mentally draining and this is making my anxiety ten times worse.If I give her any advice she tells me to shut up and stop preaching to her so I do shut up quickly.I wonder what the future holds for her as she is 74 now and I worry about how I will cope without her when the day comes.Please tell me how to react to her!!!
From the age of 11 when my father died I have had quite a life with my mother.She was 44 when he died and took it so badly that she nearly comitted suicide twice and it was only the thought of leaving me (she said) that pulled her back from the brink.I am an only child and his death hit us hard,we were left alone as her sisters and brother didn't really get on with her so I was left to pick up the pieces.She is a very loving person I must add and I don't want to make you think that this is just a calling match I seriously need advice on what you all think is going on here.We had some holidays as I was growing up and got on generally ok,she was however very clingy and wanted to know my every move-literally.I had a boyfriend when I was 17 and she made him promise to bring me home at 10.00 and she was on the step in her nightie when I arived home telling me to get inside-i WAS ABSOLUTLEY MORTIFIED!!!!.(the relationship seemed strained after that)
Over the years she has been difficult because of her moods and I have been walking on eggshells most of the past 20 yrs because of her depression,She has never sought help for it and when she did mention it to the doc once she cancelled the counselling appt because she said they couldn't help her.
My current husband who I have been married to for 15 yrs finds her very bad to get on with,he thinks she has tried to control me and I am just beginning to see the light.If I go anywhere she tends to tell me that there could be things that will go wrong and I tend to believe her so don't go or do the thing I want to do.She has stopped me getting certain jobs in the past as I am frightened to tell her and she has feighned illness to stop me going into work and I have fell for it.She tells me how to bring my daughter up and overrules me on certain things like sweets for her etc,I know this is something most nana's give their grandchild and I don't for 1 minute want to spoil their relationship but she goes behind my back and is sneaky.
I tried to tell her last night about how bad my anxiety was and she said that she wishes she was dead and out of it because there is always something to worry about.I feel really guilty now and worried that she may do something stupid one day and it will be my fault.
She had a shoplifting episode 2 yrs ago and told me that she was feeling depressed and that is why she did it.I went to the shop and told the manager and he lifted the ban he had given her and said it wouldn't go any further.After that she told me I hadn't helped her then at all and was only interested in myself.
I am sorry to go on but I feel so alone in all this and very confused.I don't know how to get our relationship back on an even keel and tell her I feel smothered by her constant moods and manner.She never hardly smiles,has had no friends since my dad died and doesn't go anywhere,she has never had a job and just sits in the house.I know she is depressed and want to help her but she is so stubborn and won't accept it.She says that she worries about me bevause I am her daughter and she thinks wanting to keep me close all the time is normal.I feel very nervous when around her and even get panicky when I tell her me,my husband and my daughter are going out as she expects to come most of the time and if I want some time on my own she gives me one word answers on the phone the next day and the atmosphere is bad,she must resent me for this.but don't I need a life of my own.I know she is lonely and I wish so much she could have a nice life,I cry many many nights over her and just wish she could be more positive.I am beginning to dislike her immensely and this is putting our relationship under great strain,I find her physically and mentally draining and this is making my anxiety ten times worse.If I give her any advice she tells me to shut up and stop preaching to her so I do shut up quickly.I wonder what the future holds for her as she is 74 now and I worry about how I will cope without her when the day comes.Please tell me how to react to her!!!