Lissy43
28-08-08, 17:12
I am waiting to start CBT, assesment was last week, she thinks my problems stem from my childhood, my father was never there for me, always in the pub peeing our money up the wall, he was very violent and bullied me badly when I was growing up so not a happy start to life. It has left me anxious as hell and I am unable to enjoy my own children because im anxious daily:blush:
Today I woke up feeling very tired despite 8 hours sleep but yesterday I found very stressful so maybe I didn't have a deep sleep, I was anxious when i went to bed. Today ive felt very spaced out and just generally not myself. My dad then asked if I wanted to meet him with my children for lunch so I agreed (it took alot, I rarely see my dad). Maybe I thought he was finally going to change. When we got there he was hungover from his night out the night before for his birthday, he huffed and puffed at the table, kept telling my children to sit still, they were being so well behaved (he has never had the patience for kids, he had 4 kids with my mum!!!). When the food arrived he said he needed some fresh air, he then said 'actually I will go back home, knock on my door when you have finished here' and just left. He paid the bill and was gone. He runs a pub down the road from where we were.
I wsa just sat there with my kids, close to tears but hiding it from them. I have got home and broken down, my eldest saw me. I am having a tough time anxiety wise again, having a bad blip so this has made me feel 10x worse it really has:weep:
I worry about every ache and pain being meningitis, its my ultimate fear, god i wish someone could totally get this fear out of my head once and for all, why am I so obsessed and scared of it?????? my auntie had it in February, viral form and lived but a friends little boy had bacterial and died a few yrs ago and that has stuck in my head. I live in fear of myself or my children getting ill with it. I panic over every blemish on my skin even if i feel well even though my GP has told me the rash is the last symptom and id have a high fever yet I still worry. I am a nervous wreck:weep:
I saw ENT consultant yesterday re my sinus pain, he says its all facial migraines because of my anxiety. I totally forgot to tell him that when i bend over i get a bad feeling of congestion in my nose, stupid me so im now worrying he will of missed something:weep: I should trust him. He said if i had chronic sinusitis id have a temp and green mucus from my nose so not to worry and he does specialise in sinus surgery. I am just kicking myself.
I spend every night in bed as soon as my 3 young children are in bed, I worry about every ache and pain as i said before being meningitis, its just meningitis really or brain tumours that i fear, both my aunties have had these so I guess thats why but its ruling my life and I am freaking out all of the time. I can't carry on feeling like this.
I saw my GP last week and broke down, he said to come back in a month if I felt no better, he didn't want to discuss anti ds. Are they the answer though, will anti depressants take my health anxiety away? I really can't imagine that they will.
If anyone can kick me into touch I would appreciate a good hard slap:roflmao: My mum is coming round tonight, my parents are divorced and she is just as upset as me after what my dad did to me today so maybe I will get a hug from her.
Today I woke up feeling very tired despite 8 hours sleep but yesterday I found very stressful so maybe I didn't have a deep sleep, I was anxious when i went to bed. Today ive felt very spaced out and just generally not myself. My dad then asked if I wanted to meet him with my children for lunch so I agreed (it took alot, I rarely see my dad). Maybe I thought he was finally going to change. When we got there he was hungover from his night out the night before for his birthday, he huffed and puffed at the table, kept telling my children to sit still, they were being so well behaved (he has never had the patience for kids, he had 4 kids with my mum!!!). When the food arrived he said he needed some fresh air, he then said 'actually I will go back home, knock on my door when you have finished here' and just left. He paid the bill and was gone. He runs a pub down the road from where we were.
I wsa just sat there with my kids, close to tears but hiding it from them. I have got home and broken down, my eldest saw me. I am having a tough time anxiety wise again, having a bad blip so this has made me feel 10x worse it really has:weep:
I worry about every ache and pain being meningitis, its my ultimate fear, god i wish someone could totally get this fear out of my head once and for all, why am I so obsessed and scared of it?????? my auntie had it in February, viral form and lived but a friends little boy had bacterial and died a few yrs ago and that has stuck in my head. I live in fear of myself or my children getting ill with it. I panic over every blemish on my skin even if i feel well even though my GP has told me the rash is the last symptom and id have a high fever yet I still worry. I am a nervous wreck:weep:
I saw ENT consultant yesterday re my sinus pain, he says its all facial migraines because of my anxiety. I totally forgot to tell him that when i bend over i get a bad feeling of congestion in my nose, stupid me so im now worrying he will of missed something:weep: I should trust him. He said if i had chronic sinusitis id have a temp and green mucus from my nose so not to worry and he does specialise in sinus surgery. I am just kicking myself.
I spend every night in bed as soon as my 3 young children are in bed, I worry about every ache and pain as i said before being meningitis, its just meningitis really or brain tumours that i fear, both my aunties have had these so I guess thats why but its ruling my life and I am freaking out all of the time. I can't carry on feeling like this.
I saw my GP last week and broke down, he said to come back in a month if I felt no better, he didn't want to discuss anti ds. Are they the answer though, will anti depressants take my health anxiety away? I really can't imagine that they will.
If anyone can kick me into touch I would appreciate a good hard slap:roflmao: My mum is coming round tonight, my parents are divorced and she is just as upset as me after what my dad did to me today so maybe I will get a hug from her.