nomore
29-08-08, 09:52
Ever since my health anxiety started, I've been scared of passing out. The feeling comes and goes, sometimes it gets pretty bad, my legs start feeling like rubber, I feel light-headed and feel the need to put my hand on the wall as I am walking. Most times I always have this fear in the back of my mind, even if I don't feel any of the physical symptoms. Sometimes the feeling goes away. But now it's back. I must say that I've never actually fainted, although sometimes it has felt pretty close.
This morning, as I was thinking that I might pass out at some point, something occurred to me; "I am really terrified of passing out but, in reality, somewhere deep down, I actually do want to pass out!?" Very weird, but I think that this stems from the fact that if I were actually to pass out, this would relive me of all the anxiety that I feel and would take me away from the usual dull routine (you know...wake up...work..go home..sleep, etc.) be it only for a couple of seconds or minutes. It also feels like “OK, I feel like I am going to pass out. Fine already! Let’s get it over with!”, but at the same time I am terrified of this feeling.
So it's like a cycle, I feel like fainting because I feel too much pressure and can't deal with it, I want to escape, but at the same time I am terrified of that, which actually intensifies the feeling.
This morning, as I was thinking that I might pass out at some point, something occurred to me; "I am really terrified of passing out but, in reality, somewhere deep down, I actually do want to pass out!?" Very weird, but I think that this stems from the fact that if I were actually to pass out, this would relive me of all the anxiety that I feel and would take me away from the usual dull routine (you know...wake up...work..go home..sleep, etc.) be it only for a couple of seconds or minutes. It also feels like “OK, I feel like I am going to pass out. Fine already! Let’s get it over with!”, but at the same time I am terrified of this feeling.
So it's like a cycle, I feel like fainting because I feel too much pressure and can't deal with it, I want to escape, but at the same time I am terrified of that, which actually intensifies the feeling.