Relationship Anxiety

[curlywurly]

I'm having a terrible few days, the guy i was seeing just dumped me by text message to go back to his old partner :-(..i'm feeling pretty rubbish, my self esteem is at rock bottom not to mention everytime i think of him not being there for me anymore i get really anxious and panicky..i really don't want to take a step backwards after all my hard work trying to get better............any advice ?

:-( Curls
xx

[Dahlia]

Hey Curls

I'm sorry to hear about what has happened. There is no easy remedy for this -whether you have anxiety or not, it sucks.

All you can do is take it one day, (or one hour) at a time - accept that you will feel anxious, because in this situation it is natural to. By all your hard work getting better, you have shown that you CAN do it - this is a normal reaction to a loss, it doesn't mean that you will be back at square one after all your efforts.

I know it's hard, but try not to take it too personally (for your self esteem) that he has gone back to his old partner. I know that is much easier said than done. It probably has little reflection on how he felt for you - it was probably more a case of 'unfinished business' that needed to be extinguished. Presumably they broke up for a reason, and often when someone goes back to the old partner those same reasons rear their head again. A friend of mine broke up with a girl to go back to his old partner because he felt bad for her being alone - a couple of months later he realised he had made the wrong decision.

Speak to your friends, talk about it, and draw strength from the people around you who are there for you now.

Big hugs

xx

[curlywurly]

Thanks Dahlia

I guess for the past few months i have been using him as a prop, when i've felt bad i've turned to him and now he is no longer there i feel kind of abandonded and to make matters worse we work together..i'm dreading going in tomorrow, i feel so anxious and almost like i'm back to square one...i'm so annoyed at myself for getting involved as it has had this affect on my health :-(
Curls
xx

[curlywurly]

Oh and just to make matters EVEN worse, i spent ages writing a long email to get it all out of my system, not to send to him, just to make myself feel a little better for getting it out of my system and...i hit send instead of delete by accident...i can't believe it, i am such an idiot!!!! xx

[Horse]

Curly.

So he dumped you by text. How noble and considerate.

Being as I've lived in 'Broken Heart Valley' for 8 years, I'm going to give you some advice and hopefully some comfort.

There is no 'magic wand' that will turn back time and make things change in our favour. The past has gone (no matter how recent), the future is not worth worrying about because it's not here, so, that just leaves NOW.

Pretty much, you feel like s**t. You feel rejected, unwanted, unloved, used, emotionally abused, jealous etc etc. That's just the tip of the iceberg right?

Presumably, you are already an anxious person, therefore your anxiety will probably rocket over the next few days or even weeks.....worry about that when it comes.

I know, and you know that when you awake tomorrow, you will feel impending doom. Take a day or the week off if you can, if you think it will be too painfull.

To make matters worse, he was your support or your rock. So what will you do now? I will tell you. From this moment on after reading this post, you will start your own healing process. You may feel as though someone has punched a hole in your stomach and filled it with acid and light a fire inside. But as time goes past, you will get used to the pain. It may not go away for a long long time, but you will get used to it.

I know people may say 'there's plenty more fish in the sea' but it doesn't matter, we want the one that got away, and we can't have it!

I'm being very blunt here I know, but I do not want to B******t you that you will feel better next week or words to that effect. If your heart is broken, you will adjust and live with it broken for as long as it takes.

S*d the email that you sent by accident, don't worry about it. It's gone. So what?

I would suggest that you have nothing to do with him by text or mail in the future, regardless as to if he contacts you or not. It may be hard or even impossible, but don't.

Work will be a problem I admit. I don't know your position as far as this is concerned regarding contact, albeit visual or professional. This is something you will have to work on yourself. That's why you should take some time off if possible, in order to help clear your head ready for when you return.

Like I said, blunt but to the point. Sorry, but there is no happiness in broken hearts. But remember.......NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!!!!

Look after yourself, minute by minute and day by day.

God bless you.

Kevin.

[curlywurly]

Thank you so much Kevin, you are a very wise man:) .

I've been into work today and seen him, it all seems civil so far but luckily i am on holiday next week so at least i can get away for a bit..i hate that i am thinking of him constantly and making myself sad and getting worked up thinking about him and his ex..i'm trying to occupy myself with other things, keeping my brain busy..which is exhausting!:D

I'm going to try my best to pick myself up, dust myself off and move forward, my mum says to put it down as another life experience..she is right!

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom they are very very much appreciated.

Curls
x

[curlywurly]

this is harder than i thought it would be, am swinging between feeling ok and thinking i'll get over it soon enough to feeling utter despair and like i need to see him right now or i will totally freak out..its like a feeling of utter desperation!!!

My anxiety is through the roof:weep:
Curls
xxx

[Horse]

I did warn you! There is no magic wand!

The feeling of you must simply see him is a normal reaction, albeit very unpleasant. Believe me, this will decrease in severity as time goes by.

Don't think of the future without him, think of now, this present minute by minute.

Your anxiety is high only because you are letting it be so, remember. Your affection for him has now turned to an obsession of needing to see him or else................. This is where anxiety starts to play mind games, which in turn don't forget, will produce physical symptoms.

No doubt there is absolutelly nothing else occupying your mind at the moment except thoughts of him. This will continue but grow less painfull.
I can only presume that if your pain is as great as mine then life is not worthwhile! But it is, believe me.

These are early days for you and the bitterness in your heart cannot be washed away overnight. But your body will adjust in time. Like I said, I have lived with a broken heart for nearly 8 years and it will probably never get better, but I will still carry on. I now live with the stigma that I'm too ugly and not capable of a relationship anymore because the person i loved left me. But I'm here for a reason the same as you are.

Pain is something we must suffer in our lives. So therefore we are capable of enduring pain naturally.

One day, your tears will disappear and the sun will once again warm your heart with happiness........I promise you.

Kevin.