Running out of excuses

[Gregor]

Hi,

I am beginning to run out of excuses for not wanting to go out, etc. My wife, who's totally supportive of me, is forever trying to get me to go out, to places i know is just too much for me. Whenever the subject comes up, in my mind i'm always trying to come up with an excuse as to why i can't or don't want to go!

My main failing is trying to cross roads. For some reason this has been my ultimate nemesis no matter how well i'm doing. It's always been a problem, although i had been doing much better until recently. An incident where i had a complete anxiety attack in the middle of the road and collapsed right there has totally shaken me. I can't seem to get back to where i was a few months ago. Now, crossing roads seems an impossible task to me, more so than ever before. Just thinking about it makes me feel so bad, i can't imagine ever being able to cross them again. I'm still okay crossing very minor roads if i have someone with me, but the thought of going anything bigger just freaks me out.

I don't want to keep saying 'no' to going out, but i can't bring myself to do so - unless i know the exact itinery beforehand (where we're going, how we'll get there - by bus (how will we get to the bus stop?) when we get there, where do we go then? any roads to cross? we have to get taxi, etc) My wife says i shouldn't be thinking about all this and she'd be right, but it's just important to me so there's no surprises.

Sorry for this rant, i just feel i'm in a never-ending cycle at the moment.

Gregor

[Dahlia]

Hi Gregor

I know exactly how you feel on the 'running out of excuses' front - that can make you feel anxious in itself!

You say your wife is very supportive - how about being upfront with her? Maybe saying to her that you would like to try to do some things, but are having a bad time of it right now. And that, yes, you are willing to try, but you need to start small and build up. So you need to go to 'easier' places first (if you have any), and need to know the itinerary (regardless of her opinion on that) and that there are no or only minor roads to cross. i.e. those are your conditions for the time being. Do you think you could manage that?

x

[Gregor]

Hi Dahlia,

Thanks for your reply. I did work some stuff out today. It was quite bad at first because i refused to go out to where she wanted to go. After some talking, though, i did explain things more clearly and i think i should be better for that now. I definitely feel better for it. I know it's not going to be easy the way forward, but i can see what i need to do. I've done it before, i just need to get my head round doing it again. Small steps though...

Thanks again,

Gregor

[Dahlia]

I'm glad to hear you made some progress, Gregor. As you say, it's all about small steps, and being patient with yourself. Don't beat yourself up over it - after all, if you had a physical injury you would have to start small, and work your way up - so this is no different. You just need to build up your confidence (I know, because I'm back doing that too - and it's much easier to write it than to do it!). Don't run before you can walk!

Good luck!

Dahlia

[titchjd]

Hi I understand fully ..I have become agoraphobic over the last 2months and constantly make excuses ..well its not an excuse as I do feel 2 anxious 2 go out .....Im having CBT and it is helping with changing my thoughts when I feel anxious .

I understand what its like getting anxious crossing a road and Its because I feel once Ive crossed if I wanted 2 get back home Id have 2 wait 2 cross back again and I just want 2 get home .

I agree small steps .....dont go from the bottom of the ladder straight 2 the top work yourself up 1 step at a time xxx

best wishes xx