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View Full Version : What has suddenly changed, feel awful!



mjh74
17-05-05, 10:57
Hi all,

After a good run I feel like I've taken a huge step backwards and can't understand why. I'm not sure if it's the anti depressant that I'm on. I've been on Cipralex for 4 weeks at 5mg and 2 weeks at 10mg. After a panic attack out of no where on Sunday I've felt scared ever since. I feel too scared to do anything but really jittery and nervous just sitting here. I took 2mg of valium last night which made me feel like I've stepped backwards, I think I'm going to have to take some today as well. My throat symptom seems to have changed from me endlessly swallowing and working my tongue at the back of it, to being quite still and working relatively normal but just feeling really nervy in it.

I just can't believe I've obsessed for 5 months over this just because of a single panic attack. I've never suffered anything of this intensity before in my 31 years on this planet and I feel scared that I'm going to end up sectioned. I feel like an arachnophobe sitting in front of a tank with 1000 huge spiders in it with the door being held by a single piece of thread that could snap at any time. Only for me it's "I could throw up at any time with my throat feeling like this". I've never feared vomitting this much before, it's always been controllable and I lost the fear for a good few years before. Now I'm here with an added 'teaser' (really nervous throat) and I feel like I'm playing the waiting game. I just hope that if I do end up making myself sick, that it will show me that it's really not that scary after all. Either that or it will push me over the edge altogether.

Sorry to keep harping on, I just don't know how to change this feeling of a huge mountain into something that's really a tiny mole hill!

Mark x

Meg
17-05-05, 11:10
Mark,

This is how it goes, this waxing and waning of fears with the progress coming and going but growing overall.

Today you need mostly to get on and do something and not sit and dwell on it and how it feels and all the what if's.. it is dredging up every bad memory you can find and bringing it back into the forefront of your mind.

A bit of JFDI is called for today Just....... Do It.

You know you have made progress and its fine not to make anymore for a bit- just stabilize but when you feel like this it is time to actively distract and change those thoughts.

I hope you've eaten today.






Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

mjh74
17-05-05, 11:22
Hi Meg,

Thank you for replying. I have eaten, I had my breakfast thinking "I'm NOT going to go back to not eating!". I also have a friend coming over later on who I was going to call to cancel but I'm not going to.

A JEDI is who I shall have to be then Meg.

"Here is your challenge for today should you accept it!" is how I feel!


Mark x

angieb
17-05-05, 12:43
Hi Mark (and Meg)

Know how you feel hunny, I have been 95% better for a couple of weeks now, made great progress - even looking forward to France next week. My new job is just great and I am sure it has helped me get over myself by not allowing me think time.

But ...like you this b!oXdy throat is driving me mad, even when relaxed there it is. The back of my tongue does a little dance then the right side of my throat tightens, muscus dries up and hey presto...arghhh this is it!!!!! I have had a bit of a breakthrough with it though, it may even be placebo effect but I have found if a suck just one rennie tablet ten mins after I eat, the symptoms greatly reduce. No tummy noises, no gas therefore not as much throat and tongue.

It is my last symptom now - all of the others are gone, for the last week I have even slept right through the night - first time in years.

The funniest thing is the throat does not happen in the evening, at night or when I am engrossed in something else - it is all that keeps me going as surely if it was serious, was going to close, was going to get me it would happen all the time???????

Hang on in there Mark, I am right there with you today;)

mjh74
17-05-05, 12:58
Hi Angie,

Thank you so much for your post <hug>. You have described "exactly" my symptom to a T! The back of my tongue starts to do a forward and backward 'dance' and one side of my throat starts to tighten. If I'm swallowing hard enough I even feel like I'm going to gag and it's THAT feeling that starts my panic. If I wasn't an emetaphobe I don't think this would be half as bad. You sound like you're doing so well Angie and that's fantastic!
The spooky thing that you've also mentioned is the rennie and the placebo affect. I used to do this too and thought that it did help me but I stopped when these symptoms started. I may try doing it again to see if it does the same for me!
I know we'll get over this Angie, it'll be one of those things that over time (wish I knew how long), will just start to become insignificant. My only problem is that I'm a huge thinker, even when I'm well I will continually think about anything and everything. It just happens that the thoughts are 'throat throat throat' over the past few months. I find distraction quite hard even when doing something that makes me think, I have enough mind space to keep thinking about my throat.
Reading your post has made me feel less alone today and I really appreciate it!

Thanks again Angie,

Mark xx

mumof4
17-05-05, 12:58
i havent had a attack in about 3 months but i still have days where my anxiety is high or i get a pain but i tend to ignore both and it does go away.


we all have our good days and bad days.

kairen
17-05-05, 12:58
Hi Mark,

thing to remember is by tea time yersterday you were startimng to feel a bit better so you know youcan pull yourself out of it try and ignore the throat and just try and relax and try your best no think of something positive,
Glad you didnt cancell friend coming around that will give you a distraction, you wont be focusing on how you feel,

good luck mark hun
you know where i am xx

kairen x

angieb
17-05-05, 13:15
Hi again Mark - it is a swine when you let it in, this one!!!!!!!!

I have just distracted myself with some work, drunk a mug of camomile tea and already mine is calming down. It will flair again when I go to pick Millie up from school then go again when Rob gets in from work...almost comical (if it were not so scary!!!!!).

I got on my exercise bike on Friday, thought I know I will start by doing 5 mins and work up by five mins a night. Well - I got the bike thought to myself my throat feels dry, started pedaling and withing three mins had to stop. There I was, eplileptic tounge, gagging, dry throat, thumping heart. Yet on Sunday afternoon, after nearly a bottle of wine I managed to have a mad run around water fight in the garden with the family...charging around, running, jumping over things etc - no symptoms at all...thought is such a powerful thing - I THINK THEREFORE I AM. Before I even started on the bike I was thinking about my throat however after a sponateous run around...nothing[:o)]

I also fine Mark that if I make myself eat something as soon as the tongue starts that that often helps too. I sit with a big glass of water (just in case - wash it down) then distract myself by surfing on the net and eat.

Enjoy your afternoon, feel free to PM as another tongue and throat sufferer, sometimes just another person telling you you are not mad is all that it needs[^]

Take care...Angie

sal
17-05-05, 15:46
Hi Mark

Pleased that you havent cancelled your friend coming over the company might do you the world of good.

Sorry you are having a hard time at the moment, but you can do it mate.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

mjh74
17-05-05, 18:54
Hi Sal and Kairen,

Thanks for your support both. My friend came over and I started to feel despirately anxious, it was an incredible feeling. My body was burning all over and I could barely speak my throat felt so bad. I took another valium pill and started to feel a bit better but still struggled whilst he was here. I just don't know why I'm feeling so bad since Sunday, I'm still thinking that it could be the meds that I'm on building up in my system. I will have to see how it goes and help things settle.
I'm going to do something breathing exercises tonight to try and relax.


Mark x

seh1980
17-05-05, 19:21
hi Mark,

I was on Cipralex and I remember having a bit of a blip after a month or so - could be what you are having now..

Good luck with the breathing exercises - hope you feel better soon!!

Sarah :D

mjh74
17-05-05, 19:44
Ahhh Sarah thanks so much for that. I have started it quite a bit slower than others seem to so I think I could be having what you've mentioned now. Thanks a lot for that, this is all good ammo when I'm trying to justify it all!


Mark xx

sal
17-05-05, 22:17
Hi Mark

Pleased your friend still came over. It could be the meds but that will take time for you to see if it is them. If it is they will wear down the side affects and i know whilist going through them can be hell.

If you want to talk pm and i will help you all i can.

You have done so well recently and i would hold on to the fact that this is a bad blip and you will come out of it a lot stronger with our support and your positive attitude.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

mjh74
18-05-05, 20:02
Hi Sal,

Thanks for your replyand your kind offer. Today has been a bit better compared to the past couple of days. I feel a real hefty lump in my throat today though and am feeling quite tired through having to work at feeling "ok". I hope this is going to get more bearable over time. I just feel scared and ill a lot of the time and have done for what seems like so long now. Surely I should get some relief one day. I can't go through this for the rest of my life, something has to happen.

Regards,

Mark x

Meg
18-05-05, 22:46
Mark,

It is tiring, scary and you will get very fed up but do perservere.

If you're still unconvinced its muscular as opposed to something else do try the valium test again .

As you learn to manage and then ignore it - it will dissipate naturally and go.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

mjh74
19-05-05, 00:06
Hi Meg,

It's definitely muscular because I generate it and can feel myself actually bringing it on. This only happens now if I'm having a really bad day and it doesn't last all day but does make my whole gullet and back ache.

One of my main symptoms is the fear of speaking and how it makes my throat feel which leads to the want to keep swallowing and working my tongue at the back of my throat. Even though I'm sipping water I still have a very dry mouth with the meds so I end up not being able to carry out a swallow at some point. This in-turn makes me feel scared and above my Adams apple feels tight and sticky through the quick successive swallowing until I feel like gagging. If I am brave enough I can break out of it before it turns into a panic attack.

I've never had such a sensitive anixety point Meg. About 10 years ago if I had any sign of anxiety I would either get knotting in my abdomen and have periods of IBS or I would have terrible gas and feel nauseous but I was always able to cope and control them. Any little thing that would and does trigger anxiety now hits my throat instantly and leaves me feeling powerless against it (at this present moment in time).

Today has been a funny one, I wanted to go out to take some stuff to the tip but when it came to it, I just couldn't go and created myself a dull aching lump under my Adams and my whole gullet tightened which made me feel terrible. I've been doing my breathing exercises today which has helped hugely but I had a point a bit earlier where I felt so ill with the pain in my chest and back. This seemed to phase out at about 8pm and I've felt different again for the past 4 hours!

This is definitely my hardest time in life to date without question. I am also starting to feel quite uneasy about my CBT assessment next Tuesday so I guess this could be playing a part too.


Mark

Johnny
19-05-05, 08:27
Hi Mark,

I had my initial consultation for hypnotherapy last week (kinda like your upcoming assesment for CBT - treatment is similar) and I was really nervous about it, but afterward I felt really positive it will help me, and that afternoon was the best I've felt in months !
It'a a big positive step, and your panic will try and fight it because it realises it's grip on you is short lived now !
Look forward to the assesment, don't fear it - it's another big step to recovery.

Johnny.

mjh74
19-05-05, 13:12
Hi Johnny,

Thanks for that. I am trying to tell myself that they're there to help me and I'm sure they've seen plenty of people that are really anxious! I just don't want to embarrass myself :D.

Mark

Chant
16-08-08, 00:35
Bon voyage!!