hobby wants to leave

[lilly-lou]

I don't know what to do, last night my hubby dropped a massive bombshell which I really didn't see coming, he told me he wants to leave, he said he doesn't know what he wants out of life anymore and he's unsure as to weather he wants to leave permenantly or for a short while, I am absolutely devastated to say the least, we have been married for 16 1/2yrs and been together since I was 19 and I will be left to be the sole caregiver of 6 kids and 2 of them have special needs, I am beside myself with sadness and very confused, it would be an understatement to say my anxiety is off the scales today and my head is spinning, lifes a b**** ey

lilly-lou

[jodie]

hiya lou

this must have come as such a shock for you :hugs:

there is not much you can do i guess it is up to him to sort his head out and decide what it is he wants , just so bloody hard on you in the meen time ,but hold your head high Hun and do what you have to do
it might be he is a bit down etc and these feeling he has might pass,i think maybe we all get like this from time to time
i hope things work out for you both
:bighug1:

jodie xx

[Anxious_gal]

i'm only 22 so this is the best advice i can give,
first of all i'm sorry, you must be so devastated. i know the pain of breaking up with a boyfriend. but its nothing compared to a partner you have been with most of your life. y
our anxiety must be so bad right now, have you anyone who can help you out with the children?
if your not on antidepressants look out for any signs of depression just to be on the safe side.
is your partner willing to go to couples counselling?
try not to pressure him or guilt trip him, i know you want to let him know how much he has hurt you but you don't want to push him away, try to show him you respect his decision for a time out.
it could be a mid life crisis , like all of a sudden he's getting older, hes wondering if this is what he wants from life, hes probably questioning all aspects of his life.
hopefully after a bit of time, he'll make up his mind about what he wants.

[lilly-lou]

I can respect his desision but its ok for him he can just walk away while I have to stay and put up with all the c*** that life throws at us, the gobby teenage daughter who thinks that she knows best, the two boys who are hard work because they have special needs, the little ones that are a handful and need to be entertained all day, the mess that is piling up around me because I can't do everything, I can't get myself out and sort everything else out as well, the worry about how I can split myself in three when the kids back at school to meet my boys at home time, I think he is a selfish a*** and if he thinks that I will beg him to stay then he can think again because I wont.

I am not saying life is easy for us we have always had a pile of s*** threw at us and life has been a struggle but its so not fair that just because he is having a crisis that me and the kids have to suffer, I feel he is running away instead of facing what ever problems there are. I wouldn't mind but the last couple of months I have done so much and been to so many places but it is never good enough for him and to be honest I haven't got any fight left in me, I just feel like throwing in the towel because I can't take any more c***. I dont have any family that can help out, my inlaws can't stand my kids or me we are not good enough and never will be, my family are all self centered and don't give a damn and won't help out so I guess it is just gonna be me, my kids and this never ending anxiety.

[titchjd]

Hi

Sorry to hear bout hubby m8 bet it was a big shock .
I was with my partner 15years when we seperated and I was left with a small toddler and a house 2 run ,while he moved back with his mom and carried on with his life .......he got married saturday ...Im still in same situ as wen we split 6years ago ....but I have managed and my daughter is loved ......I have had soooooooooo much bad throen my way and at times thought i would never get through it but I have It hasnt been easy but Im still here 2 tell the tale x

I wonder how hubby would react if you said ok you need 2 think what you want so you can stay in the house with the 6 kids and I'll go and let u have time 2 think ..erm somehow cant see it can you lol xxx

take care and keep chin up m8 xxx

[marie1974]

hiya matey, oh no i am so really really sorry for you, i thought things were ok with u both. i know if he goes it will be awful cos i know how i would feel, BUT you are a very strong women and u have shown that on here with you facing your fears etc etc and u can do this on your own if it come to that.

we all cope if we have too and u are a great mother and your kids will help u through this and help u to stay strong.

what about some sort of couple counselling? i know relate is supposed to be great and i know a few people whose relationship have been saved through this.

anyway i am here to chat too if u need to have a moan or cry or just to talk.
huge hugs to u and keep yourself strong and focused cos u can get through this xx

[marie1974]

also matey i just read your other post on here and u say u got no family to support you, sod them hun, cos u are better then them all. u can raise 6 kids on your own and deal with all the crap that goes with it.

i too have no family support we dont see my hubbys family at all and mine are no use and my parents havent contacted me at all not even a text since i sent the letter to them, so sod erm. we are strong women matey and i know its not the same but get your support and raise your confidence through talking on here to people, its helped me loads. do u have a close friend on the outside? if not its best to rely on yourself, please dont panic we will all help u get through this, every step hun. xx

[lesleya]

Omg lily-lou you poor thing.
Its a so unfair that he thinks he can walk away to 'find himself'....load of poop! while your left with the responsibility of your kids to bring up on your own.
Sorry hun...but it makes my blood boil when i hear of men doing these things, they seem to be able to walk away so easily without a care so they can go enjoy the single carefree life again. Would do him good if you did turn the tables and packed yourself a bag and left him to cope for a few weeks..that'd shake him up. But men know we wont leave our kids, so they hold us over a barrell. Im so sorry for you hun, and i hope if you can, that you manage to sort it out in a way that is best for you, as you deserve the best you can possibly get out of your life.
Wish you all the best and send you hugs
xx

[lilly-lou]

Thanks all for the replies, I can't think straight at the moment I am still trying to make sence of it all but I have two options, no 1 wallow in self pity or no 2 pick my self up and carry on and I choose the second, it wont be the first time and I doubt if it will be the last but I got my kids to think about and I am not going to let his selfish actions ruin all that I have achieved, thanks all for the support at least when I come here I feel that I have people rooting for me and giving me words of encouragement.

Hugs

lilly-lou

[milly jones]

hugs

milly xx

[Pink Panic]

Hi there,

There isn't much i can add to the already great advice you have received but i just wanted to send you a massive hug and to tell you to stay strong hun :hugs:

Love & hugs
Pink
xxxxxxxx

[marie1974]

hugs to u and stay strong we all here for u. xxxx

[Quiet-Lift]

Hello Lilly-lou

I don't really know what to say. What a great way to start September? Perhaps your Hubby will reconsider after he's had a little time to think things through. He's being selfish and immature of course - no surprise there. Unfortunately you can't stop him from doing it and so the best thing to do is look after yourself and the kids.

Is there any outside help you can call upon at this difficult time? Any support from Social Services or something similar? It could seem overwhelming and become too much of a strain if you try to take the burden onto your shoulders alone.

I'm really glad to hear some of your positive fighting self-talk and wish you all the best for the future.

Very sorry to read of this. Best wishes and God bless

[smile]

Big hug to you lily-lou,such a brave lady and my heart goes out to you.Such selfish actions by your husband,but we are all here to help support you,please take care

[kellie]

Im sorry you are in this situation lilly
What a rotten man to want to walk away from you and his children
when you are at a stage in your life where you realy need his support.
Just goes to show you that some men just aint got no back bone and run when the going gets tough.

Big big hugs for you hun and i wish you all the best in the world

kellie.xxxxxxx

[pinkpiglet]

Hi Lilly-Lou, can i just say that i really really admire you! You are a great example of a mother. Six kids, two with special needs, facing a seperation and still hanging on there. It's not something i could cope with at the minute but if i was in your situation i would speak to my health visitor or social worker (i assume you have one or the other having kids with special needs). They might be able to get you some kind of respite care for the boys (even if its just after school clubs) It's surprising what they can do to help AND THATS WHAT THEY ARE THERE FOR! You'l get no medals for trying to do it on your own. YOU ARE AMAZING! i will be thinking about you, good luck x

[lilly-lou]

Thanks all,

I feel like my hubby is playing mind games with me, I keep telling him to hurry and sort something out as it is not fair that he tells me he wants to leave but hasn't sorted out where he is going to stay, I think it will be for the best while he is in his selfish stage and only thinking about himself to go away for a while and collect his thoughts because the mind he is in at the moment is causing such an atmosphere, he is not a bad person but its just sad that he decides to have a mid life crisis when there are 7 other peoples lifes involved, but I will cope and although I am so devastated this is not going to stop me going out, I refuse to let it and my kids need me now more than ever.

Thanks all

Hugs

lilly-lou

[Gregor]

Hi Lilly,

Firstly, i would like to say that, yes, you hubby has done a shocking thing. As a man myself, i would find it hard to walk away from not just my wife, but 6 kids also. Do you think maybe he's had enough of you or coping with your anxiety? or something similar? I know that's not an excuse, but could be possible? I often worry that my wife will have had enough of me because of the problems i cause with my anxiety.

As advised by others, you should ask him what he intends to do about helping with the kids, because of course you need help. Maybe you should just tell him to stay at the house with them, whilst you go away for a while (not as a joke, though). If he really wants time out, that shouldnt affect his relationship with his children, if it is just between him and you.

Gregor