Me again (sorry). Had a meltdown today!

[rocklover]

I had a massive meltdown (nearly hysterical) this morning and felt unable to get into work. Luckily for me (though not my poor Mum), I live with my parents at the moment and Mum was lovely, made me get the appt for today and even came in with me.

I broke down into tears in front of the dr (which I NEVER do) and was totally embarrassed, but I forced myself to tell her that I wasn't coping with life in general (but mainly getting to work). So she has signed me off for a week and has upped my dose of Amitriptyline to 100mg a day, I am hoping this will help as I feel so terrible that I have let myself and others down.

Am worried about telling my boyfriend as he might think I am a complete loser, he gets depressed, but never breaks down, just carries on regardless. I had to admit to myself today that I cannot do that or I will get more ill than I am now. I have some soul searching and decision making to do this week, I have also been put on the waiting list for counselling by the dr. I could really do with some advice as I am so confused in my head, I honestly don't know where to start to get myself back into the land of the living.

[Veronica H]

Hi Rocklover
I think if you let go and acknowledge your feelings without feeling guilty about it, this will be a good start to your recovery. I cried in front of the Dr when I had my first panic attack because I was really scared. Some of us are more emotional than others but it does not mean that you are weak. Why would you be letting others down? They are human just like you and me. What ever has led to this current crisis for you could happen to any one of them at any time. Please don't be too hard on yourself.
Best wishes
Veronica H

[rocklover]

Thank your for your kind words. I feel like I am letting work down (it was my first "proper" day yesterday after temping for them). I am also worried about what my boyfriend will think. I know I should be putting myself first, but I find that hard.

I am hoping the higher dose of amitriptyline will calm me and help things become clearer. I have never needed to be signed off work before (except after food poisoning once) and I feel like I have failed.

[nic x]

hey, dont be sorry for a start, we're all here to listen!! i cry in front of my doc nearlly every time iv been in the past 3 mnths or so, im goin through a bad patch myself at the min, and feel like that every morning, im not working at the min, but still have to get up for the kids, iv found that if i get up on a morning and feel like that, i push myself that little bit harder, its awful and so hard but if i do it, i feel much better, hope u get the help u need, im currently having councilling and am starting to understand my feelings that makes it easiar, dont hold it in, if u need to cry, cry it always makes me feel better afterwards xx

[feels_like_home]

Hi,
I know how you are feeling. The last couple of weeks have been pretty bad. I am having a hard time working and feel that my husband will get sick of me not being able to do things. You are not alone.
Michelle

[ch19ler]

Ello :bighug1: i hate to cry i really do thou there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, in fact I think supressing an emotional release like that isnt good for u in the long run. If u need to vent a little then do so. You won't completely fall apart thou you can often feel like you might. Things will go up and down, I struggle most of the time and have to take time off here and there because it becomes too much for me. Be kind to yourself, really. It doesnt mean your a failure or any such negative thing. You are who you are and I am sure you are a perfectly nice person. None of us are angels or perfect or fear nothing. Take a deep breath and exhale harder, give yourself space and try to be positive :yesyes:
Cxxxx