I shouldn't feel this alone but I do

[joyce1980]

Well I went to the Drs this morning to get a refferal to see a perinatologist.

The Dr I am seeing doesn't really say much except when I said I need medication to be normal and still want a baby he said " well lets try coming off the paroxetine and see how you go" !!!

See how I go?!!! It's not his life is it??? He will sleep at night!! he wont feel a damn thing.

I got a refferal anyway, my husband wont talk to me about the refferal or anything to do with the medication as I had to battle to get back on it.

I understand the choice I need to make but I feel like I am alone...My husband wants me to see a psyc soon when I get back to Australia and I will as I also want to go.

But I feel at the moment that I am some evil bad weak person for wanting to be on medication and have a baby.

I can't do it, without my meds I loose weight I have stupid thoughts I loose my appetite and I have panic attacks..I cant sleep, then I feel like I have an illness all the time and awful symptoms.

I HATE THE LACK OF UNDERSTANDING FROM DRS AND MY HUSBAND.

I'm really bloody sad right now, the thought of going off meds and going back to what I was scares me sill, I feel so out of control right now, it's awful:weep:

[lorac]

Joyce I am so sorry you feel so bad at the moment and would like to send you some hugs:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


Don't be too hard on yourself Joyce coz things do have a way of sorting themselves out. You shouldn't feel a bad person because you want these things it is only natural.

You take care

Carol

[berkshiregirl]

you poor thing i wish we could take it all away from you, is awful just try and saty strong i know it is hard but you will get there i am on paraoxatine too and i know i would want to stay on them too i wish you well love and hugs xxxxxxxxxx

[joyce1980]

Thanks Carol.

I just don't know what to do anymore, If my husband was understanding I think it would be easier...... but he only wants to know if i will try going off meds again with a psyc. and wont talk to me about any other methods.

He thinks anxiety ois something you can just get over I have tried talking to him many times but he is set in his ways and wont budge

[joyce1980]

Thanks birkshiregirl

[jannnne]

Oh Joyce, just wanted to wish you all the very best and send you lots of love and hugs. I hope you get this sorted out very soon, I think it is an awful position to be in. My husband doesn't understand either.

[joyce1980]

How many people have a husband,wife,boyfriend or girlfriend who does not understand anxiety/depression and make it harder for you to cope sometimes???

I love my husband to bitty peices but he just can't understand it.

[bex1970]

Do you know what.... and forgive me for being controversial but I kind of feel sorry for our husbands. I think it goes back to the Alpha Male thing.... they can't help you - can't make it better - can't get rid of it - can't take charge - and therefore feel helpless and probably emasculated (big word!!) at least that's what my husband tells me - they are supposed to be the 'in charge' and strong person - the one who provides and takes care of the family on a mainly physical and financial level and here's one problem they have absolutely no control over and no matter what they say or do, it never seems to get better. It's a primitive explanation but not an unreasonable one. Try to put yourself in their shoes - you feel great most of the time, no worries except for those concerning your family (i.e. NOT worrying constantly about health) and there is a person who is constantly unhappy and scared and there is not a damn thing you can do about it? Men hate feeling helpless and they react defensively... if he's anything like mine, the silence and refusal to talk about your worries is because even if he does, it doesn't improve the situation much and being relatively single minded, they give up - which is horrid for us but also for them...

I understand you want a baby and the need for medication -totally - we're all going through it to some extent - but I am about to start seeing a psych and think that we all have to find some way out of this hell - and am hoping that seeing one will be a step in the right direction.... but try to spare a thought for what your husband goes through too because I don't think its a walk in the park for them either.

I really hope that it gets better - and really feel for you.
xx:hugs:

[joyce1980]

youre 10years of wisdom over me is very helpful.

I guess everytime my husband gets angry I think how I wish you would hold my hand and say It's ok I'm there.

But I really see where you are comming from! He met me when I had been on medication for 7 years and we made the decision to come off to try for a baby...... but when times gor really tough after 3 months I wanted to go back on and he said no, he tried everything to stop me.

I guess I have put him through a lot too.

I don't mean to be this way though I really wish I did not have any of these probs and that we could just try for a baby.

THANKS THAT WAS HELPFUL I WILL TRY TO UNDERSTAND MY HUBBY MORE

[bex1970]

Of course you don't mean to be this way.... and he knows that. Sometimes it's helpful though to try and help them - it does kind of take the focus off ourselves. My husband broke down on me about 4 weeks ago - told me he might leave - basically he was at desperation point - and SUDDENLY, I saw what I had done - and my GOD did I feel terrible - and you know what, my health anxiety eased up - it's still there and probably always will be but knowing that someone else was feeling as bad as I was but in a different way gave me a huge wake up call. I'm by no means cured but trying to put him first has helped take my mind off me - and it made me realise what I was putting my family through...

It's so hard and none of use would choose to be this way, of course we wouldn't, but by being this way we bring others into our hell - and expect them to understand all the time... and, unsurprisingly they don't. My husband thought I didn't love him - he just couldn't comprehend that I was so miserable when I had a good man, and two fantastic children - but I also gave him a huge insight into how out of control I felt... but let me tell you, the thought of losing him and potentially them - infinitely more scary than any kind of dying..... and he's not the type to threaten or bully, in fact, the more I look over our life together, I see how amazing he's been... but I also made him see that it was nothing to do with him - but was me... weirdly, talking it through to that extent put some of it into perspective.

I'm sorry that I've rambled on - but I really know what you are going through and just want to help a bit.
xx:hugs:

[joyce1980]

Yup that's what my husband has said a few times.... about me having a great husband and how the hell can I be so unhappy.

But he does believe in tough love and I hate that.

I guess maybe he feel inadequate (spelling?) and he hates the fact that my mum is able to help but he can't.

I'm also sending a hug to you. I have no idea is this problem we have a chemical imbalance or disease??? My childhood was quite fine except for bits and pieces

[bex1970]

It probably is - my childhood had it's ups and downs.... my husband is just a very straight guy - no complications etc. not sure that I am like that! Tough love is horrid but has it's place... and we hate it because a part of us knows that they are right - don't you think?

Try and talk to him - as honestly as you can, even if he's tricky to start with... get him to say how he feels - make him if you have to. Start some tough love of your own!! My mum always makes me feel better too - that's what Mum's are for!! And Joyce, you'll know that, when you have your baby... WHICH YOU WILL....
xx
ps Feel free to PM me if you wantxxx

[joyce1980]

thanks, the very best to you.

[joyce1980]

I was always a worrier and panicky person but it peaked when my brother died and unfortunalty that's when I was almost off my meds and for my hubby i stayed off em.

I think I can go it off my meds you know, I am scared but a psych should be able to help me right??

I'm going to give it one more go for my sake for my future baby and my husband

[joyce1980]

At least then I know I trie, really tried

But I will have rules this time and I will be make the choice when it comes to needing meds again and not feel like i'm letting everyone down
Yes i will start out as i mean to finish

[tashbarnes87]

Hi Joyce, i wish i could offer you some advice but all the above post are great. I know what it feels like to be alone too, its a scary place but you are not alone as you can chat to us any time. I really hope things get better for you soon and if i can offer any advice i would love too

xxxxx

[bex1970]

Yes, you're really not alone and I really think a psych will help - at least then you are helping yourself and your husband will be satisfied that you're trying...

We're all here for you - go to your GP, ask for a referral and tell him (the GP) how you feel every day - it's what I did, and they really are understanding you know - especially when they know how hard it is to admit to.... there are waiting lists but you get there in the end. If I were you, I would stay on your meds until you have an appointment....and let him or the psych help you come off them slowly. Keep trying for a baby during - after - etc.....

Really good luck. A book I was recommended by my GP was called the Worry Cure.... have not got it yet, but it's on it's way. Will let you know how it goes.
x