To My Friends In Chat, Sorry X

[milly jones]

to my dear friends in chat,

this is so hard guys

i need to explain whats been going on and why i have been scared about coming in chat

ive been having bad thoughts, not just the usual irrational worries but really paranoid ones

when i was in chat i believed that u were talking about me and conspiring against me thru pms and msn

i got to the stage when id read anything onto ppls comments and used to hide quietly watching to see if anyone said things about me

i was aware that there was some talk as id been meeting a friend from nmp and this just escalated into paranoid fears

i felt humiliated and that everyone was against me

it was just too scarey and so i avoided the chatroom

anyway i realise now that the thoughts were not mine but the illnesses and hopefully once my new meds kick in i may be able to control them, not them me

being given the new diagnosis and meds has answered so many questions that have tormented me over the past years

i have recently been i chat when it is quiet, but am am very aware of what i say and to whom

i just cant cope with the busy times yet as i still have to read and type so carefully and be able to interpret the words as they are meant, not as my heads sees them

i wanted to apologise to all my friends in chat for my absence and for all the nasty and paranoid thoughts id had about them, even tho no one is aware of them, lol

i realise now ur are not plotting against me to ruin my life and humiliate me and im so so sorry

i also want to thank those folk in the forum who i have been in contact with who have supported me over the past few months

heres hoping the real milly can re emerge from all of this

sorry again

mill :blush:

[pooh]

Hey Milly!

I am so pleased that you feel that you are on the right path of treatment and that you finally understand what has been wrong all along. I wish you all the best in learning to manage and recover.
I'm right here for a natter when you are ready.

Pooh xxxxxx

[bab]

Milly, I have not been in the chat room but I just wanted to say that you are such a lovely and supportive person and hopefully you will start to feel better soon. lots and lots of love xxx

[milly jones]

thanks pooh and babs

i know its not good for my avpd to ask for reassurance but at the mo i need is so dreadfully much

my psychologist would cringe with this thread, lol

love mill xx

[Anna C]

Hi Milly,

I also have never been in the chat room, but I have often read your replys to peoples threads and you always seem to know what to say to help. You have helped and supported alot of people on NMP - including me.
I hope you feel better soon and that you are back in chat, chatting to your friends soon. :D
Take care Anna x:hugs:

[marie1974]

welldone milly and although i dont go into chat, i am sure no oone would ever think badly of u hun cus u r so lovely and everyone knows that.

anxiety and other illnesses can really do us damage cant they and make us think alsorts, i hope the new meds work for u matey.

that was very brave of u to write all that cos its a hard thing to do admitting to people how and why we suffering so huge hugs milly u r a star xxxx

[milly jones]

thanks donna and anna

its not brave at all its weak asking for forgiveness

part of the difficulty is asking for reassurance and the hosp say i have to learn to survive without it

i was begging them yest to say what i had said was ok and she just smiled at me, no words

so its not brave hunny at all

just trying to unload and seek forgiveness

but the urge gets too great at nightimes

sorry

mill

[marie1974]

u have no need to ask for forgiveness mil, cos u done nothing wrong and anyone that knows u on here will know that, like u say its just down to feelings which u cant help but u certanly done nothing wrong mate and i will argue with u mate haha cos u r BRAVE.

u will learn to live with wot u have eventually matey and find life alot easier, until then u got us here to help u always like u help everyone too.

[HeatherMc]

Milly Jones

What are you like? you are a lovely person whom always takes the time and trouble to answer peoples queries you reassure everyone and are so upbeat sometimes its unbelievable, I have been on here at various times over the last couple of weeks as I am on holiday from work and I have noticed that you were quiet, I thought maybe you had made a good recovery and were getting out and about, don't apologise for the way you have been feeling hun, we all have bad spells.

Lots of love, take care

Heather

[milly jones]

donna ur such a good mate ty xx

wish we were nearer, lol

heather ty also for taking time to reply, sorry ive not been about as much xx

[marie1974]

thanku mil, u been very supportive of me and i thanku for that.

we are near but yet far hun, i will always help on here in anyway i can matey.
hugs xx

[titchjd]

Hi Milly ...Let me just start by saying you are a FANTASTIC person and have helped me soooooooooooooo much on here.

I am also very paranoid when I go in 2 chat and Im always apologising on there as i think people are being funny with me ..but I know theyre not ..Its just the way I think .

You have had to deal with a new diagnosis ,new meds etc so dont beat yourself up hun you are doing brill.

I must agree I think post was brave and not weak ...as you werent asking for reassurance you were saying how u feel and thats a big thing ...ok our posts do reasure you that you are wonderfull ...but that has nothing 2 do with yr illness thats because you are xxx:hugs:

Well I will see you in chat when you are ready xx

Big hugs :bighug1:

Titch x

[lesleya]

Take care milly and i hope your meds help you feel better and more like your old self very soon...
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[milly jones]

donna hugs

titch ty so much hunny, sort of glad u feel same in chat, sorri

lesleya, i wish i knew what my old self was, dont think i have a personality anymore, im like an alien in a weird world, everything is skewed and out to get me, lol

but thank all for ur wishes xx

[diane07]

Aww milly,

No-one thinks anything bad about you hun, how could they, you are so lovely.
The real milly is still there, we just need to get rid of the insecure thoughts thats all.

Easier said than done though.......... we'll help you all we can, you have been a very treasured friend to me and i will always be here for you.

Forgiveness milly is a beautiful quality, but thats not what you need as there is nothing to forgive, so mrs milly jones you'll have to accept that we all love ya for the beautifully natured person you are, and you're not allowed to bully yourself anymore by thinking anything different.

You'll get there hunny,

Di xxxxxxxx

[milly jones]

aww di i have missed u so much

i feel like a burden texting and i know so much u wanted me to come back to chat but it was torment being in there that day

im sobbing now reading that hunny ty

mill xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[mandie]

Hi Milly

I dont go in chat but no u post regulary and just wanted to say what a lovely person u seem to be.

Good luck with the new meds

love mandie x

[Coni]

Hi Milly....you are one of the nicest people Ive met on here and I think what youve just done is so very brave....I have been keeping up with your threads and hope this diagnosis will be the start of better times for you with the help and support you need.

I know you have lots of friends on here but Im here anytime if you need to talk ok? Im not the best with advice, but I can listen.

love and hugs

Coni XXX

[eternally optimistic]

Hi Milly

Hope your meds kick and I am sure you'll be back on track.

Take care.

By the way, I always like reading your posts.

J

[milly jones]

aww thanks coni

u and i have a special bond from when ur hb was ill. u were one of the first ppl i met on here, funny how u always remember that, lol

ty j too,
i dont know why u like reading them, i find them boring and unconstructive. but it helps me feel better about myself to think i might help someone. sometimes their content worries me so much i have to edit lol, in case there is misunderstanding

but thats me

milly lol xxxx

[bab]

Hi Milly

Just wanted to see how you are today and to give u a big hug xx

[popsy]

:bighug1: Milly, you know ive always thought you were great, you have never ever offended or upset me, you have only ever been there for me. Im so glad stuff is getting sorted for you hunny.
Always here for you sweetheart, i hope you know that.
You are a true friend to so many of us!
Popsy x x x :hugs:

[milly jones]

im much better ty bab, hugs back

got me head round a few things and been in touch with self help ppl so i know im not alone

was really ropey this morning and tearful but thats depression i guess. was all for packing my bags and going to hosp. was bit daft too, but never mind. thank god for nmp and my msn mates who helped me thru, ty.

why can i not be simple and have one thing at a time lol

guess we are all so complex

take care hunny and thanks for asking xxxxxxxxxxxx

[milly jones]

aww pops ty

u are so special to me, u made me cry xx

there are ppl who i trust now on nmp and i ty all

hurry up and set a date so i can visit lol

mills xxxx

[eternally optimistic]

Milly

You are wrong about your posts, you should read them back love.

They are VERY CONSTRUCTIVE and you know whats going on really.

I DO enjoy reading them, you offer people lots of encouragement for a starter.

Take care Milly

[milly jones]

aww ty i feel v embarrassed now

i only write what i feel, nothing else

just want to help

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx

[eternally optimistic]

:yesyes:

BE PROUD MILLY, NOT EMBARASSED.

IT HELPS ALOT DOESNT IT, BANGING THE OLD KEYBOARD WITH YOUR THOUGHTS.. LOL.

[milly jones]

yes hun it does ty

dont know what id have done today without nmp

hugs xx