Feeling so depressed

[Karen]

I try not to mention my eating disorder on here but I;m having a very bad time of things at the moment.

During the last couple of months thing have been getting worse and I've been clutching at straws trying every thing going but nothing is helping.

I can't sleep and haven't been able to sleep well since I moved into my new flat and insomnia makes it worse.

I'm bingeing daily and hate myself for it :blush: :weep:

But today has been the worst for a long time. I've had a major binge and I feel disgusted, repulsed and so bad about myself http://www.emotihost.com/glass12/17.gif

I want to stop but I can't and I'm at the end of my tether now :weep:

Karen xx

[Alisonj]

I am so sorry you are having a rough time. Change is defintely something that triggers things and moving just might have set you off. Have you seen your doctor recently? If not now would be a good time to go in and let them know what is going on. You defintely want to get a handle on it sooner than later.
Hugs!

[Karen]

Thanks for you reply Alison :hugs:

Yes, my move definitely made it worse but it is having to try to maintain my weight, rather than starving like I used to that perpetuates it.

I don't see my doctor as I have lost trust in her really and I fought long and hard to get away from the CMHT.

My therapist is back next week but I don't know what she can do now.

Karen xx

[jodie]

hiya

i wish that this was easy for you and that it would all just go away ,but that is to much to ask for i guess, but please maybe try get to see another doctor that you can start to trust just to help you out a little.
give the move you have made with your flat time to settle i am sure you will be ok with it if you just give it a few months ,do you have anything you do to take your mind off things ? somthing that is relaxing ect .
:hugs:

jodie xx

[kazzie]

Hi Karen:D

No words of wisdom Im afraid just wanted to give you a big:bighug1:

Hope things improve soon

Luv Kaz x:hugs:

[keepemlaughing]

I wish you well. I binged this morning and then took two diet pills. As if that will undo the damage. I get so upset with myself. I had lost a few pounds but at work there is food everywhere. Especially chocolate. I am being tempted every single day.
Good luck and congrats on the new flat.

[marie1974]

hiya Karen and just wanted to give u a huge :bighug1: cos sometimes alot of us just dont get enough of them and they can sometimes really help, i know its not a real one but its sent with hope that u are able to find some help from someone u can trust and be able to find some sort of peace and happiness, sorry i cant be more help to u hun. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[happyone]

Hey hun,
sorry you are finding things so tough just now.:hugs: I sympathise with you and lack of sleep. I sleep well now due to meds but I could not or cannot sleep without them. Lack of sleep is all consuming, creeping into every wakened thought or action we have.
I am a little tired today, mainly cos my meds are a little too sedating, but even with a little tiredness I find it hard to function.
I don't know what to say about the eating stuff hun. My knowledge is pretty limited.
You might feel better once you see your therapist.
Happyone
xx

[Piglet]

:hugs:

Love Piglet :flowers:

[Karen]

Thank you all for replying.

Piglet - Thanks mate :hugs:

Kazzie - Thank you for the hugs. Some for you too as I know you've got your own stuff to deal with at the moment :hugs:

Jodie - Thanks for replying. Until the end of last year I had a doctor I felt I could trust and I confided in her a lot. But when I was sent to the eating disorder unit I found out that everything I had confided in her about had been passed on and I felt quite betrayed by that. I mean it was more than just my medical history. Some of the stuff was not relevant to my admission.

It is only a couple of months ago that I managed to get rid of the psychiatrist, the CMHT and more recently I told my GP I wasn't going for regular follow up appointments anymore. There was no point. I don't want anyone from the NHS involved because I now have major trust issues. The one person I do trust is the CBT therapist I see privately but I find that even weekly appointments with her are not really enough. I need daily support but live alone and have no contact with my family, so it's hard to cope.

Donna - Thanks for the hugs :hugs: You're right about not getting enough of them but that's what it is like when you are alone. I appreciate that you care :hugs:

Sheryl - Thanks for replying. I appreciate that it couldn't have been easily to write that post, so thank you. I sometimes do that too, or I take something before bingeing. I always purge in some way but I can't really go into details on here. Are you getting any help with your eating problems?

Happyone - Thanks hun :hugs: I know you are dealing with a lot in your life right now too. You are right about the lack of sleep. It makes life so much harder, particularly as I feel depressed and want more time asleep to escape feeling this way. Unfortunately my sleeping pills are not that effective anymore. I think I've been on them too long and take too many. My doctor did prescribe me antidepressants once just for the sleep problems but I didn't like taking them for fear of weight gain. The paradox is that at the moment I risk weight gain myself by bingeing :wacko:

I've had another bad day. I thought seeing my therapist would help but there are too many things going on that lead me to feel bad and I couldn't control the binge. My therapist is right that it is self sabotaging - Bingeing means eating food which I don't want to do and I gain weight which makes me feel terrible and repulsed by myself and then I purge to punish myself.

The trouble is that knowing all of that doesn't help me stop :weep:

Karen xx

[marie1974]

hi karen, i dont suffer anorexia but i do worry about my weight alot and sometimes eat little and walk alot during the day but still i am not like my friend who is a bean poll and so skinny, so i cant imagine how it feels to really starve yourself and eat practically nothing cos as far as im concerned sometimes i dont eat enough as it is and im hungry and yet i walk loads too.

i know anorexia is an illness and even though i cant understand exactly how it works and how it makes u feel i do kinda imagine it sometimes just from how i feel and my eating etc.

i dont know how long u had this illness Karen and where it first kinda started but i trully hope some day u can get over this before its to late hun cos u r such a lovely person and u deserve so much happiness and i really wish i could giv u a really big hug.

oooh i waffled on abit sorry mate

[milly jones]

ive not got problems with my eating, but i do get very depressed

all i want to send u is that im thinking of u and i wish i could just hold u in my arms and tell u it will all be ok

i wish i could sit with u and talk and make things better for u

but i cant sorry

and i sometimes feel so helpless

sorry

milly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx