First time post - feel pretty bad

[citygirl1]

Hi.

Where do i begin - maybe the immortal lines "I've always been a born worrier". I'm 29 and in my life i've had maybe 3 instances were panic has took over my life for at least 2 weeks. I'm scared this is happening again. The last 3 occassions my panic has been about terrorism fears on holiday and not treating my husband to be right early on in our relationship. Each time i have got over this panic and been panic free for months. The thing is ideas will just pop into my head randomly and then i will sit and think about them constantly. Bringing myself to the sick to the pit of my stomach feeling. Even having to admit i'm now registered with a no more panic forum is making me feel anxious.

I am not on any medication, i'd rather not be as i have always managed to come out of anxiety on my own and with the support of family and friends, so i want to try do this again, as i know i have the ability to do it.

So what am i panicking about this time? Well over the weekend i was watching something and suddenly from nowhere i thought "what if i'm gay"? I started really freaking out, but i know 100% i love my husband and love being with him and men in general. All i could hear in my head was "your must be gay" repeatedly and it felt as if my head was going to explode. I always talk things over with my family and i thought how can i tell them about these irrational thoughts - what if they then actually think i'm in denial, and started stresssing about that. The thing that stresses me is the way the words/phrases are so constant in my head. I try calm myself down but it's so difficult. I just feel so lost and out of my normal, happy contented life at the moment.

[yorkylover]

Hi and :welcome: you will get lots of support here and friendly advise.You will never feel alone here as we all understand how you are feeling.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[citygirl1]

Thank you. I hate feeling like this and just want it to go away. I have been working in mental health for 6 years, helping people, and now it's me needing the help. I just feel so vulnerable emotionally just now and can't seem to get my head straight.

[Anxious_gal]

:welcome:

your worried you might be gay, well since your happily married i'm pretty sure your not gay. you cannot just turn gay, if you were gay you would know, you would grow up with an attraction towards females.

[citygirl1]

I know Mishel it's totally irrational. It just blows itself out of all proportion. I know i'm not, right through from primary school my attraction has been towards boys and still is, i don't know what has triggered it. For years i have laughed and joked with my mates and our boyfriends and it's never bothered me. It's like anxiety is taking over me, jumping from one ludicrous thought to the other. I was getting over it yesterday i think, then saw something on tv about child abuse and then started worrying saying oh that would be terrible. I know this sounds completely mad. It's as if my anxiety is trying to get me to think of the most terrible things to worry about so that it can keep feeding off my panic. I have a great life, and seriously i have a loving family and loving in-laws, an ok job as it goes, but this anxiety comes and tries to strangle me at times. I feel so silly.

[Anxious_gal]

aw no your not silly! well not here anyway, I know that i sometimes fear i will go crazy, i also had this thing that if i needed to get up at night i would worry someone was in my house, hiding behind a door, ok so you know your not gay! which is good you know, but you fear you may be?
do you have OCD?
maybe your worried about something else and all this anxiety is distracting you ?
i know that when i'm anxious i will start shaking which in a way distracts me from what i was worried about

[citygirl1]

With OCD do you not need to act out some ritual or compulsion? As i say i am generally ok in life, my fears up until this one have at least been understandable. I will admit when i get this way it's as if the thinking is an obsession, but it will jump from one worry to the other. The best way i can try to describe it is picture saying a negative word repeatedly in your head, till you feel really anxious, even when you know it's irrational It might be i have been stressed at work or some other situation and this is masking it. The last two times i felt this way it was my first holiday with my other half abroad, the second being the run up to my wedding, stressful events to most.

The thing that scares me is that i am struggling to control my own thinking, which in the main is positive.

[milly jones]

a warm wednesday welcome to no more panic

milly xxx :flowers:

[Miss Alissa]

Hi City Girl

I just wanted to say hi, you’re REALLY not alone, and your post just rang so many bells! I am in a similar situation, I’ve always suffered with anxiety to some extent but generally have learnt to manage it pretty well. However there are times when it just creeps right back up on me and I go through the day thinking every terrible thought conceivable and playing out terrible scenarios in my head. At the moment I’m going through a bit of a health anxiety patch, which is exhausting but believe me it isn’t just confined to that. And just when I get to a point where I think I’m calmer and more settled my anxiety seems to decide it hasn’t had enough attention so creeps back in and starts fixating on any negative thought it can to get me all worked up again. And I know how irrational it is, which just drives me even crazier – but my brain has already mapped out the worst case scenario and then when I’m that far down the line it’s hard to get it out of my head – it’s almost like if I’m not in this tense, on-edge state I feel like I’ve let my guard down and the bad thing will then creep in and happen when I’m not looking. Like I have to be aware of every possible thing that could turn everything upside down, just in case. You name it – I’ll find some way to worry about it. For me it is always a sign that I’m feeling out of control – not necessarily unhappy – just vulnerable, so I try to focus on the things I can control to try and make myself feel better. At the moment it is pretty basic – sleep, good food, supplements, acupuncture, flower remedies and I guess this forum too (although I too worry that it might make me more anxious!) – I’m job hunting, house-hunting, in debt, in a new relationship, recently moved back from abroad, and I know that all of these things being less than concrete will make a difference to how secure I’m feeling in general, even if I’m not aware of feeling hugely anxious about them every day. I did however go to the doctor for the first time ever a few weeks ago – I don’t want to be on medication but I got to a point where I realised that a professional might be able to take some of the pressure off. If I had a bad back that played up when I put too much pressure on it, I’d go and see somebody – if not for medication, at least for a few stretches that would strengthen the muscles so it wouldn’t be as bad the next time!

I guess I’m just trying to say, don’t beat yourself up about it – it’s a sneaky, tricky thing this anxiety and it seems to constantly find new ways to get to you. Have you ever talked to your doctor about it?

And just remember, you’ve got over this once so you’ll do it again – you know you will – you’re tough!

[Zotamis]

First of all :welcome:

I know what your going through, I get random weird thoughts in my head too!
But I follow my dads advice "Just go with the flow". What I mean is when thoughts come into your head dont focus on them and worry about em, just let them pass.

Hope that helps.

[citygirl1]

Just another question, could this type of constant thinking about irrational stuff actually be a form of OCD, or am i worrying again? My mind at the mo seems to be trying to pick out the most horrible scenarios and it scares me to even think them. The words just repeat over and over in my head.

[lorac]

Hi

Welcome to the site. Zot is right just let those thoughts come and try not to dwell on them anxiety makes us think alot of weired things but they don't mean anything.

Carol

[citygirl1]

Thanks Carol. Anxiety is such a horrible thing. I hate it. It's a horrible viscious circle that even when you try to relax your worrying your gonna feel anxious again. I've been off work this week so think i'll go back next week to try distract my thoughts. I just feel exhausted though cause i haven't been sleeping right. Feel so low in energy.

Liz