Getting in a state

[happyone]

I am all worked up. I just need to vent. I had an occ health interview on weds that coincided with my psychology appt. I phoned up MH medical centre on Monday and said I could not make the appt but could I please have another one. This particular reception has not passed on a message of mine before so I was a bit anx. I expected to hear via phone fairly quickly as that is what happened before when he hasn't been able to make an appt.

However, I still hadn't heard Wednesday so I phoned up again, left the same message and made some story that I need to know what day it would be cos of other appts. I really thought I would hear back Wednesday or yesterday, but no. Or today. I can't phone up again as I will be seen as harassing but I can't stand this every day not knowing if I am going to get to see him next week or not. I know how childish that sounds but it is important to me on different levels.

I feel strongly for all my care givers and not seeing them when I am supposed to panics me. I become dependent all of them but if I know an ending is coming, I do cope with it. I coped recently with losing my group therapist even though I was more reliant on her than anyone. Also the last time I saw him, he said something that really got to me and I need to speak about it with him. I have been ruminating since last Wednesday about it.


I don't know if the message hasn't been passed on and he thinks I just didn't turn up yesterday and thus will not make another appt for me. This is a big deal to me as I would never ever just not turn up for an appt, I couldn't do it! Or if for some reason even though he got the message, he is not making me another one. This thought is horrible as I am scared there has been talk within the MHT about my attachment probs. My pdoc has stopped seeing me too and I am now just getting appts with his junior but it is not as though I am 100% stable, she always has to go and ask him for advice, so I think he is trying to break my dependency on him which really hurts. I am in absolute knots and it is making me tearful and anxious, which is in turn making me low. I have even been taking diazepam and nitrazepam to help me calm down and I hate benzos.


I know how childish I sound but it is the lack of control I have over the whole situation. I have someone from the MHT visiting me tomorrow and I am afraid to ask her to find out for me as I don't know her, she might be unreliable which will hold back the appt even more, or she might see my psychologist and he thinks "FFS, this is the third time I have heard this message!"

Happyone
xx

[Anxious_gal]

I kind of understand, my therapist is on holidays and i have not seen her in 3 week ,so now my anxiety has gotten really bad. i cant wait till she gets back!
I know my therpist HATES when i try to cancel, which is good because i need a good push (to leave my house).
i can hear it in her voice when i tried to cancel once,
it is unfair of them not to contact you to let you know wether you have an app or not.
i'm waiting for a phone call the 3 days ! (about an app for a scan) it's drivin me mental! i keep thinking they just forgot to call! so i'm gonna wait it out until monday before i call them.
hang in there, try to leave it a day or two before you call again,
x x

[Hope 2]

Hi Happyone

You are not being childish. You are worried. I understand that, and I can see why your head is giving you such a hard time. I used to ruminate something awful and it's stinks. I would ring again this afternoon before the weekend, and say it's cos you are very worried in case you have been overlooked. I don't think that can be seen as anything but perfectly good reason to be ringing again. I used to work for the nhs and I would have no problem with someone needing to know something to give them reassurance. Has this person u see got a secretary ? Just a thought u could ring them.

I know what it feels like. Hope u sort this xx
Hope xx

[happyone]

Thanks,
I got a phonecall this morning. Thankfully. I feel so much better, even though it is not for a couple of weeks. It is the being in limbo that I hate.
Happyone
xx

[Hope 2]

Oh brilliant, I am pleased to hear that, take it easy this weekend if u can xx
J xx

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Happyone,

Glad you heard and I too hope you have a good weekend. Try to relax and I will get in touch.

Big hugs,

Laura

[happyone]

Thanks :hugs:
Laura, I would love to hear about your weekend. I hope you went.

I am not anxious all the time any more, it really takes me by surprise when I do get anx.
I find it really weird that a situation I can deal with on one occasion, can paralyse me on another. When I get anx for example, leaving the house can be a real challenge, yet at most other times, I have no problem with it:wacko:

It is really irritating just now as I have generalised itching. I got it when put on a particular med when I was in hospital (I think I have gone on about this before) and basically, the itch and a slight rash has never left me. I saw the shrinks junior on thursday and told her I can no longer tolerate this constant itching. She agreed and went next door to seek advice from the shrink. She also told him I was very anxious. So because I was anxious, the shrink said my itching was to do with that and I have to stay on the offending medicine! Added to that, an increase in my other med, even though I said my anxiety was situational and would improve when my current predicament was over. To go along with this, I have been given more anti histamines (but it is apparently not an allergic reaction!), steroid , anti fungal and emollient creams. I am a walking pharmacist! Thank heavens I have a pre payment prescription certificate!

It's making me mad:mad: I know the itching is caused by this med but he will just not believe me! It was the same when I put on 3 stone due to a med that causes huge insatiable appetite. He said that I should 'eat less, walk more' Yet when I came off it, he agreed that the particular med was notorious for that! Is it any blooming wonder I take matters into my own hands and just stop the meds?

I am not ill or anything when I say this, but I do believe they are all conspiring against me. I think since I let on about how much my group therapist meant to me, there is a move to detach me from people.
I have sensed the psychologist preparing me for the end of our sessions and I don't think it was coincedental that he took so long to get back to me, thus not having therapy for 3 weeks, making me into an anxious wreck.:scared15:
My shrink has, with no explanation, stopped seeing me and I am just having appts with his junior who has to keep on asking him for advice anyway! This really really hurts.:weep:
I got a new cpn yesterday and I told her I felt everyone was dumping me. She didn't reassure me, instead she said "that's why I am here" and when I told her about how upset I had got about the thought of losing my group therapist, she seemed to know exactly what I was talking about and gave me the talk on, it was a loss and I have not to be embarrassed by it. Then she indicated that because I don't have my group therapist any more, that she had been assigned to 'keep an eye on me'

Anyway, I have gone on quite a bit.(as usual:blush: )

Happyone
xx

[Southern_Belle]

HappyOne,

Sounds to me like you are having a reaction to the med and I would go to your pharmacist and ask them if it could be a side effect. I have always known them to be more knowledgeable regarding medications than doctors!!! Over here when you get a med you get a paper listing everything possible that could go wrong on the med you are taking and believe me when I say everything, lol.

I think it is quite unprofessional of your Psychologist to just stop seeing you and he has handled the whole thing badly. Not returning phone calls, having his Junior see you and running back and forth for advice is just inappropriate and even though his intentions may be good to me he should know better. I would not give it a second thought that your CPN knows your background, I think she would need it to treat you. I do hope you are feeling better soon.

Love,

Laura

[happyone]

Laura,
we get the list with meds too that has every possible side effect listed on it. This is from one of the lamotragine info sites


Symptoms of an allergic reaction include: rash, itching, fever, swollen glands, swelling of the lips or tongue, painful sores in the mouth or around the eyes, severe dizziness, trouble breathing. If you notice other effects not listed above, contact your doctor or pharmacist

and he still tries to say it is not a reaction to the meds! It started within 24-48 hours of going on the medication. I got a rash that moved around my body, then it was an all over rash and all over itching. The rash subsided and the intensity of the itching. Then the itching increased again in intesity, although I only have a mild rash on my forearms and feet.
It doesn't matter what I say, he is not going to listen to me. He has me cornered, he knows he does. I want my drivers license back and I won't get it back unless I agree to comply with everything he says. He must have been delighted when I got my drivers license taken away (which he was partly responsible for) as it gives him more control. He knows how much my car/freedom means to me.

My psychologist is seeing me again but I don't think for long. He was the one that didn't get back to me with a new appt. It is my psychiatrist that has stopped seeing me.
I am supposedly suffering from "suppressed anger" .....well....the next time I have a face to face talk with any of them, there will be nothing suppressed about it! They will get the full verbal force of my anger:mad:

I am going to shut up now. I realise I am like a broken down record. I suppose my anger is suppressed at the moment because I can't get it out in the right places...to them!

Happyone
xx

[Southern_Belle]

Hi,

I'd be upset too. I remember and I might have told you this already that once my oldest had a rash that looked sort of like hives that traveled all over his body for a week. Oddest thing you ever saw. The doctors could never figure it out so they called it a virus, which meant (to me) they never quiet knew what it was. I have to say I can't remember if it itched or not as he was young when he had it.

What I would do if I were you is call your pharmacist and see how long it takes that med to get in your system, if he says 24/48 hours it must be the medication. It might not do any good with your doctors but you will at least definatly know and perhaps the two of you (pharmacist) can figure out a way to stop the itching.

I really do feel for you because it seems like you are caught in the middle of doctors that aren't on the same team. You really might be better off when you stop seeing them. If I understand it you are going to stop seeing the psychiatrist and your psychologist is also stopping seeing you at times. Your CPN is preparing you for both. This is bizzare treatment if you ask me. Truly.

Many hugs,

Laura xxx

[happyone]

Thanks laura,
I spoke to a pharmacist who said .....wait for it....I should speak to my doctor! He recommended anti histamine and E45, which I have and am using!He said yes, it could possibly be the medication but could be many other things too and he is not qualified to diagnose!

The creams are helping as I had definately given myself an infection with the scratching. Infection is away. I had also scratched so much, my skin was rubbed raw and dry. My skin is much less dry. So, these two aspects are much better, but it doesn't explain why I am still itchy on my scalp, palms of hands, feet and other parts of my body that are not dry.
I had to get out of bed last night as I was so itchy....after I had taken the offending medication!

All I can do is keep on eliminating other factors. I have bought the mildest non biologicalwash powder you can get (and I hate it cos it doesn't clean the clothes as well as other powders!), I am using simple products-unscented uncoloured etc... I am dealing with skin probs, I am trying to break the scratch-itch cycle and dealing with my anxiety. I don't know what else I can do! Get a body transplant maybe?

Happyone
xx

[Piglet]

I am supposedly suffering from "suppressed anger" .....well....the next time I have a face to face talk with any of them, there will be nothing suppressed about it! They will get the full verbal force of my anger:mad:
Happyone
xx

Now that made me laugh - you and I sooooo have the same sense of humour.:hugs:

Love Piglet :flowers:

[happyone]

Now that made me laugh - you and I sooooo have the same sense of humour.:hugs:

Love Piglet :flowers:
Always glad to make you smile hunny!:)

Happyone
xx

[Southern_Belle]

Hi HappyOne,

I can't believe your pharmacist said that to you! I imagine you have been give creams used for eczema which is known to cause itching like mad. The only thing I can suggest is wear gloves at night (I know awful) but at least you won't tear up your skin scratching during the night.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Many hugs,

Laura

[happyone]

My doctor is listening to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I went yesterday. Said I was treating this itch from every possible angle and was still itching like mad.
She said "Looks like it is the Lamotragine then, doesn't it?"
Emmmmmm...........yes!!!! I have only been saying that for 6 weeks!
So, I have had my dose halved and if it isn't away by next week, I am coming off it!
Wahhhey!

I am hopeful that it is going to go away!

Happyone
xx

[Piglet]

Glad someone is listening hun! :hugs:

Piglet :flowers:

[Southern_Belle]

Finally!!! I hope the half dose works if the med itself was helping you, without the itching. Hoping you are having a good day.

Love,

Laura