Constant worry about lumps - 'well that is the latest'

[jasper]

Hi there everyone -

I have recently stumbled upon this site while trying to diagnose my recent cancer scare! It is so reassuring to know that there are other people out there going through the same thing. I am a 37 year old mummy and wife really trying to sort this out.

I currently have a mobile, smooth lump under each arm pit and one in my groin, having diagnosed cancer I am hoping to get some reassurance. I have been to the GP with each lump and am awaiting blood test results. It is so hard to think rationally and even when the docotor says it is nothing to worry about, you can not help thinking you are the one that will slip through the net. It is not the thought of dying that scares me, it is the fear of finding out and leaving my beautiful family.

My brother is a doctor and I have a lot of doctor friends, I never say a thing to them, and to the outside world I am completely together. I obviously have Health Anxiety and hoping to do get some help, it is very hard to talk/write about, but I am hoping that this site will provide a little relief from the constant worry. It would be great to break the cycle, each day spent worrying is a wasted day in my view. This Health Anxiety has been brewing steadily over the years.

Any advice would be gratefully received by a very embarrassed mummy sitting at her computer.

With thanks in advance

Rebecca x

[milly jones]

aww hunny

this is so hard isnt it

i dont have ha but do struggle with sa and depression

i can only imagine what u are going thru, but i do have intrussive thoughts and obsessional worries and know that the more u feed the anxiety the stronger it gets.

try and relax and enjoy ur family, and if there were to be anything sinister to worry about, (and i doubt that there is hun), tackle it when and if it occurs

i know that it this easier to say than do, but we must not let the fear ruin our lives

hugs to u

milly xxxx

[jasper]

Thank you for your help. I am so relieved to know that I am not the only one with this problem, it is so so destructive and time wasting. Acceptance seems to be very important, even if there is a problem!

Thanks again

R x

[anxious]

Hi Jasper and welcome to the site :)

You are definately not the only one with this problem/fear. I am a serial lump/bump worrier :blush: and there are many more of us. I have has ha for many years.
From my experience (or worried trips to gp) If you have one at each side its nothing to worry about. If its smooth an mobile, its nothing to worry about. If you had to go looking for it, if the docs not worried, if you feel well and you have no other symptoms yes you guessed it ......its nothing to worry about and you will live to worry about some other lump/bump.
Blimey if i had a brother as a doctor i'd be living with him :winks: .
PM me if you ever need and don't be embarassed

:hugs:

anx xx

[jasper]

Thank you anxious!

You sound very together and positive. Your reply was very reassuring. I just get so cross and frustrated with myself, this whole business is so destructive and irrational.

I would love to be able to quiz my brother all the time, but it would not be fair - he is particularly good with the mental stuff! Another friend is a consultant brain surgeon - nightmare!!!

I can't wait for this cycle to be over and I plan to attack the next one head on. So glad I have found this site

xxxxxxxxxxx

[sheba2]

Hi jasper.

I know how hard this waiting and not knowing is. I have just posted about my current cancer scare and have had three of the worst weeks of my life worrying. Your lumps sound pretty normal to me but I know that until you get the results you will worry. Do anything you can to pass the time. I have never done so much washing and ironing whilst crying. I also found the best thing was to get someone to keep telling you all the positive things like the lumps are soft. The lumps are mobile these are good signs. The doc isn't that worried. Keep saying this over and over even when it is difficult. Time passes slowly when you are worrying. Iwas so scared I couldn't even post on here. Good luck and I hope that you are soon getting good news.

[jasper]

Hi Sheba

Thank you for that - feel better this morning - rational thoughts starting to enter my head, even slept better last night.

Many thanks x:)

[rainbow]

hi i hope you're feeling ok and that you don't have to wait too long for the results of your blood tests. I know exactly how you feel, a lot of what you wrote in your post is similar to me. I don't actually fear dying as such but the thought of my kids not having me around is unbearable. I have to live for at least another 20 years! At the moment i've managed to convince myself that i have ovarian cancer and have been to my GP twice over the last week. I find it so hard to believe what they are telling me and start thinking things like "that doctor was too young, how would she know if i'm ill or not". I find rational thinking impossible.

[jasper]

Really nice to hear from you...

Totally agree with you there - it is the whole mis trust thing. I think that we have to believe that doctors see thousands of people and therefore build up a huge database of knowledge. It would be huge failiure for them to miss something - but in our mind we might be that odd one. I assuming that you have assigned yourself ovarian cancer as it is the 'silent killer' - a total gift to the devil that is health anxiety!!!

What I try to say to myself is that today I am here and I have a duty to my family and to myself to try and make the most of it. It is trying to break the habit that is so elusive. Apparently to break a habit you need to stop doing it 20 times, so maybe if we can break the cycle for 20 days that would be the cure!! Who knows...

Lovely to hear from you would love to know more

Rebecca x

[Cathy V]

Hi Rebecca. I don't have the same fears as you have but as you can see alot of members do. But one thing we health anies agree on is that HA is the devil incarnate! From reading your post i would agree with everyone who has replied, it doesnt sound like anything sinister and if your doc thought it needed further investigation he would have fast-tracked you and you would have been sent for biopsies straight away. I reckon the blood tests are just to reassure you not him!

My own HA is fear of heart disease. Again, there are also alot of us on here who suffer with ectopic heartbeats and ive had this 'condition' since i was in my 20s. I'm in my 50s now and still waiting for the heart attack :shrug:

I hope your results reassure you.
Best wishes
Cathy V xxxx

[jasper]

Thank you so much Cathy V...


I have never met (although not) such lovely people, since discovering this sight on Friday I feel a lot better, wish I had found it 18 months ago. I am very scared about my lumps, however my other symptoms have improved greatly (e.g. strange pains and feelings). I am therefore left with a more rational anxiety (probably a little more than the average - terror!!! lol).

You sound pretty together about your heart, is it underlying anxiety, or doese it come in cycles, or have you just learnt to live with it.

There must be a key to this whole anxiety thing, it has such a powerful negative force, surely there must be an opposing positive force.

Love to hear from you again

Rebecca x

[sam08]

Hi Rebecca,
I to am at the moment suffering like you, I am a single mummy of two and i am 41...I am also new to this forum.
I call it my fuzzy head, as my head and thoughts dont feel like my own. I cant concerntrate on things in general and it gets me so annoyed as i think life is for living and having fun, which I always do until this strikes.
I spend hours searching for all the wrong answers only to find myself worse and off to the doctors umpteen times asking the same thing over and over again until it all finally sinks in.
You just have to keep pushing the positive thoughts in, everytime you think its might be this or that push the thought aside and think of the positive bits, ie the lumps are soft they are movable which is good, doctors call them something like mice lumps ( I only know this as my firend had a breast cancer scare and the doctor told her they look to see if they can move the lump around like a mouse)
please try not to worry too much and I do hope you sleep better tonight.
I hate the sleepless nights and the waking up early and your tummy churns over and over and the heart races, but each day will get better as you keep the negative thoughts out.
its nice to talk to people who have been through all of this....
well off to fight my thoughts again and hope to sleep some tonight.
sam x

[jasper]

Thank you very much...

I hope you feel better too and that you have found a little relief from this site. I am off to bed too and concentrate on what is right with my body.....

Thanks again

Rebecca x

[Cathy V]

Hi Rebecca and thanks for your kind words...I havent always been so 'together' about my heart haha! The story in brief is that basically one day when i was 22 my heart missed few beats and fluttered a little, and from then on i was waiting for my heart to give up. Of course i haven't stay completely ignorant for all of these years and have learned alot about ectopics, the fact that they are mostly benign and cause through anxiety.. and sometimes alcohol, caffeine etc.

Its part of life i guess that some of us are more sensitive to whats going on inside our bodies, and the more we focus on the lumps and bumps, the workings of our hearts, bowels and brains the more problems we seem to find! But the one thing we all have in common on nmp is that we are all sensitive souls and we know exactly how everyone else feels and that we can tell each other anything and not feel daft...:noangel:

Like alot of people ive had numerous tests and seen more than a few cardiologists and always been given the all clear. In the past their reassurences lasted on temporarily before i started to question it all again. These days im fine with it, and know that it really is ok. A large part of this is down to nmp members who have the same symptoms and are also ok with it. Losing the fear has made a huge difference to the way i live my life. Don't let this go on for too long in your life. When you get the all clear, and you definately will...try to accept it.

Keep posting, keep talking and sharing and you'll be fine. You're not alone ok?

Cathy V xxx :hugs:

[jasper]

Thanks again Cathy V... really interested to hear your story.

I am not going anywhere, I am hooked!!!!

Thanks again

R x