Work/Insomnia/Anxiety

[nursey4]

This is a bit more of a rant than really a question but of course I do love it when others can relate- well, I hate it in a way that anyone else actually feels this way but it is nice to know you're not alone.
So I have finally gone back to work after 6 weeks off due to anxiety/panic/agora. My first day back went well and I was so glad to be back - I really love my job. ( Ironically, I am an RN on an acute psychiatric ward). It is great to be able to help and understand people who have dealt with some of the same issues as I have and I think it makes me a better nurse.
Anyways, I was supposed to work today so I prepared yesterday- got up early so I'd be tired enough to sleep early last night, did stuff, exercised, etc. I did not feel anxious about going to work today and fell asleep probably just before 10 last night. I work 12 hour shifts so I really need my sleep. So I woke up at 2:30am and COULD NOT for the life of me get back to sleep! I took extra Clonazepam, counted, tried to meditate, watched TV, etc. NOTHING helped. I made the very difficult decision to call in sick because I am tired often anyways on 8-9 hours of sleep without working, so I knew I would have an extrememly hard time working on 4 and a half hours. So now I feel like a loser, failure, etc. I can only imagine my co-workers must think I have no work ethic and will dread to work with me because they know I am unreliable and they have to pick up the slack when someone is not there if the shift cannot be filled by someone else. It is such a gossipy place anyways and I do not want to be known as a bad worker because that's really not me- or at least I used to think it wasn't.
Does this happen to anyone else? Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[feels_like_home]

I think it is amazing that you went back to work and had a good day. Try to focus on that. You are not a failure! I know how you are feeling. I was off all summer and just went back to work in September (I am a teacher). I had a pretty bad summer with anxiety and wasn't sure if I could go back. I did and I have my good days and bad days. I too have a lot of trouble sleeping, which makes the days really hard to get through. All I can do is go to bed early 8-9 (even if this just means resting) most nights and that way when I wake up so many times during the night I am still getting some rest.
Take care.
Michelle

[Anna C]

Hi,

Well done for going back to work, and the fact that you love your job helps.
I can relate to how you feel about work, it is gossipy were I work too, and I worry alot about what people are saying about me.
A few nights last week I couldn't sleep and no matter what I did it didn't help. Normally a hot bath and my relaxation cd help me to sleep.

You are definitely not a failure, I bet the patients you have helped while you have worked there would disagree with you, when you say you are a loser and a failure! Try not to worry about what you think your colleagues might be thinking about you, you are probably wrong and it will just upset you, I know as I do this too!
I think you are being really hard on yourself, you should be proud of yourself for going back to work.
I hope you have a good nights sleep, take care of yourself. Anna xx

[keepemlaughing]

I take seroquel for sleep. Even if I don't sleep a wink, I get up and go to work. Yes, I am miserable for the entire day and have broke down with anxiety a couple of times, but if I call in sick I usually still can't sleep anyway. I have to find comfort in the fact that I will probably sleep good the next night.