I'm both a newbie AND freaking out...! Head worries

[the_nub]

Hello. :) I'm Kelly and I'm 25.

I'm also worrying myself to bits.

Apologies for hideously long post.

About four days ago I had a very odd dizzy spell when I was driving my car. I thought I might have to pull over but it passed in seconds. The best way I can describe it is a sensation of severe motion sickness, or sort of feeling as though I was "outside" my body. I didn't really think anything of it, but since I've had a couple of mild dizzy spells - again, a couple of seconds - which are MUCH less severe than that first one. Yesterday I started to get a bit of a headache...a sort of pressure headache rather than a painful one. A sort of sensation of my head being FULL, or my ears being fuzzy.

Today I have felt utterly awful. My head just feels stuffy, I have a slight earache, a slight neckache (doesn't get worse when nodded forward or anything) and when walking around, feeling slightly lightheaded/dizzy. I also have VERY SLIGHT, very high-pitched sort of hissing(?) sound in my ears (barely noticeable).

Also noticed that one pupil is EVER SO SLIGHTLY larger than the other one (about a millimetre larger). It isn't ALWAYS a different size - sometimes it looks normal, then when I check again, it looks that slightly different size - I don't know if that's always been like that, but because I'm worried about the other symptoms I now think it's connected.

I have trembly hands and a general feeling of "whoa" in my stomach. Not nausea, just sort of uneasiness. I don't know if the trembliness and whoa feeling have come from the amount I'm stressing myself out, because I can't stop stressing for long enough to test it!

Vision is ok not blurry, no pain in eyes. Headache slight. No sickness (other than sort of worrying tummy unhappiness, which I am used to!)

Other half has just gone away for a week and the fact that he's not here to tell me I'm being stupid probably makes it worse! I have been VERY STUPID looking up symptoms on Google and making my terror a million times worse.

I am not registered with a doctor; tried to register today but doctors was shut - opens on Monday. Intend to go on Monday after work to register and get an appointment.

Am terrified of brain tumour or of dying in the night. I KNOW how stupid that is but all the symptoms are scaring me. I can't really get to the hospital tonight due to a LONG story with my key breaking off in a lock today - live in block of flats and won't be able to get back in through the main front door at this time of night.....

So what the hell do I do? How do I calm down? What could this be that ISN'T a scary brain tumour from hell? And I have to go and see my mum tomorrow so can't really get to hospital then...will have to go to docs on Monday...but what if something happens before then? I know I can't get anything checked out til then, so how do I calm down enough to sleep and get through til tomorrow? Made so much worse by the fact I'm on my own. Can't get off work on Monday as I'm a teacher and it's so near the start of term....it would be impossible to have time off.

Think shoulders are getting tense now cos I'm so stressed by it all, but my hypochondriac brain is making me think it's all linked.

ARGH ARGH ARGH.

Someone help???

[the_nub]

I've just spent ages reading through this site and I'm in tears. I never realised there were other people like me who worried about these things. I've read about the stabbing headaches that are anxiety, and how dizziness can be due to that, too. I think it's linked to my OH going away; we've never been apart this long before.

I'm still going to go to the doctors and I'm still so so scared

But.......the feeling that other people are like me. I can't believe it. I'm so scared of dying of a brain tumour. I thought I was just being silly. Other people are the same.

[LeeBee]

Hi Kelly, welcome to NMP! Glad you've found comfort already. This site has made a huge difference to me too. Just knowing that there are other people out there who go through the same things as me is such a relief and makes it so much easier to deal with the anxiety.
It sounds like you are getting some anxiety symptoms. I've had heaps of the symptoms you describe. I think pretty much everyone on here has been to a doctor at least once with their symptoms, and it is best to get yourself checked by a doctor to eliminate anything else. It's good that you're going in on Monday.
In the meantime, NMP is here for you. You're definitely not being silly, and you're not alone.:)

[the_nub]

Thank you so much for replying. I am still sitting here in tears like an idiot! Convinced all these symptoms have been made worse by being so worried about them. Just feel as though I want to sit here and cry forever.

[pinkpiglet]

Hi kelly, is'nt it reasssuring to know that you are not alone in experiencing these issues (although you wouldnt actually wish it on your worst enemy)?
All the symptoms that you mention, i have experienced myself on a daily basis. I'm always convinced that i'v got a brain tumour or cancer, i think they call it health anxiety but it hasnt been specified by my doctor.
I think you are right to visit a doctor, as you need reassurance that it is actually anxiety and not a terminal illness (which it isnt! trust me!!). I'm not saying that you want anxiety but once it is diagnosed you can start your journey of recovery.

Welcome to NMP:welcome: by the way. Have a hug :hugs:

[the_nub]

I'm feeling much better today, a lot more rational. Headache still there a little bit - not so much as yesterday/Friday - but am def going to the docs on Mon anyway. Tonight's one night closer to my other half coming home and there are only four FULL days til the day he comes back, so I just have to stop stressing (which is probably causing most of the headache symptoms) and get on with it.


Ate lunch today too!!! Which is good, as I haven't really been eating. I went to see my mum on the train as it's my birthday next week and it made me feel a lot better. I also got some lovely birthday presents, all designed to make me relax: lovely squidgy cushion, special lights that float in the bath, a special gel powder thing that turns your bath to aromatherapy gel like a spa....er, a solar powers changing colour light for the balcony, all sorts of little things that mum thought would help me relax. It was like she knew!


On the way to Mum's on the train (didn't drive - seriously! The TRAIN is cheaper than petrol. HOW??!) I started to have some difficulty swallowing and I started to breathe really fast, but I kept thinking "I'm on a train, I can't freak out" and drank some water and did some deep breaths, and it passed. I have NEVER had this sort of stuff before...I am a very "GET ON WITH IT!" type of person and I don't know where it's coming from. HA. Oh well, I was all right in the end.


I then had to stand up on the train ALL the way on the way back from mum's to my flat - from Bath to Reading (1hr 20 mins!!) - and didn't feel dizzy or anxious once :)


And then the nice man from next door let me in when I buzzed him on the front door, due to key snapping off in lock yesterday (YES, definitely having a GREAT time at the moment!) and the locksmith having to change our flat front door. New key will now not open the outside door so I have to gamble as to whether I'll get back in each time I go out...or get someone to buzz me in so I feel like a right idiot.


But I'm in now, I only have a slight headache, ringing in ears has gone, dizziness has gone, have sorted out my lessons for tomorrow. I can handle the rest of this week! I hope...


...I will be ALL OVER THIS FORUM in the next few days. Everyone has been so helpful and welcoming. I don't know what I'd have done without it.