am i in the wrong???

[janeybaby25]

sorry but this has really upset me & I can't work out if I am in the wrong or not...

My boyfriends sister in law asked us to baby sit ages ago for her new son on the 18th of sept & we haven't see him for a few weeks as one week they were on hol, the week after we were then for past 2 weeks just been busy. Anyway, I have txted her a few times to ask when we could see him & she hasn't replied. He was poorly last week & i txted to ask how he was & just got an arsey message saying I hadn't seen him in 5 weeks... anyway, I txted her tonight to say are we still babysitting him & she said no cos we hadn't seen him for a few weeks he might not settle with us. So I said, well let us know when we can come over (as they live a good half hr drive away) she sent one back saying we didn't need an appointment so I said, well I don't know when he is in bed or if you will be out & she said well he might be asleep when you come anyway so I cant say when is best, so I thought ok, make it simple... I asked, is a week night or a weekend best & she said well im not in most days & he is in bed for 8! Why is she making it so hard for us to see him? then she said well we were at in laws today, you could have come there (we had on idea they were there or going) so i asked let us know when you are next there so we can come over so she said well you will have to get james (my boyfriend) to call everyday cos i will forget. Am I in the wrong here or is it me & she is making it so difficult? I have been so upset tonight. To be honest I couldn't care less how she acts or what she thinks of me, but she is very clever & I don't want her to make out to my boyfriends parents that we don't want to see his nephew cos we do, she is making it so damm hard!!!! we are off on hol with them all in 3 weeks & I am dreading it. She is a very difficult person anyway, she is horrible to her husband (my blokes bro) & tells him off for how he knocks on the door or if he puts his glass down in the wrong place when we go out for a meal & then last yr, I was making her wedding invites & she said didn't need them doing until August, then in May I had heart surgery & 2 weeks after my op she said she needed them doing asap!!!! I couldn't even bathe myself let alone make wedding invites. So I told her if she wanted them, she could do them herself, she soon shut up then! But when I did do them, I got no simple thank you or anything. Sorry, I feel like I have to explain the type of person she is. My boyfriend says I know what she is like so I shouldn't get upset but I can't help it. Been in tears tonight. :(

[london]

dont worry over her and dont cry shes not worth it

[jo61]

I agree with london. Don't let it upset you and if you do want to see the baby, just turn up some day. Also could your boyfriend phone his brother? Might be a way of getting around it. He's obviously seriously henpecked.

[pooh]

Hi

you have clearly gone more than out of your way to make arrangements to see nephew. You aren't psychic and this 'phone every day' request is just absolutely ridiculous. Leave her to her own devices and the next time she comes callin for a babysitter remind her she dug her own grave on that one with her awkwardness. I wouls also suggest you get bf to speak to brother cause I dont see why you should have to deal with all of this.

Pooh xx

[janeybaby25]

thank you all, I agree. I think I will do that. I didn't sleep much last night cos I was so upset. I have told him this morning if he wants to see the baby then he can arrange it with his parents as I am not having anything to do with it now. Dreading this hol now in 3 weeks time as we are all staying in a villa together. I don't really want to see her & now I will be stuck in a house with her for a week!!!

[samc100]

I don't think you have done anything at all wrong but I wonder if your sister in law has PND ? This behaviour seems like it could be as a result of that where whatever you do is not right......

[kendo59]

Your sister-in-law's behaviour sounds utterly ridiculous. It seems she is being extremely difficult. Have you spoken to your b/f and shown him all the txt msgs? What does he think?
Maybe your b/f can speak to his brother about arranging a visit.

I suggest that during the holiday, you do your best to be pleasant so that everyone can see that you are not the one being awkward & difficult. Doesn't mean you have to spend every moment around your sis-in-law, you and your b/f can arrange time for yourselves, without making it seem you are deliberately avoiding your sis-in-law.

[janeybaby25]

yes he knew what messages she was sending me as I was showing him them when they were coming through. I think I will be as normal as possible with her on hol like you said so if she does kick off about something, other people can see its her & not me. We threw a party at my house on new years eve & my Dad (who had never met her before) noticed she was shouting at her husband to pick up a glass that was on the floor next to her & 'cos he ignored her she kicked it over in a rage. I have floorboards for crying out loud!!!! She is utterly barmy!!!! I didn't realise at the time as was drunk & having a good time! I have calmed down a lot as the day as gone on & everyones advice as made me feel a lot better about the situation & realise it's her behaviour thats the problem & it's nothing to do with me. Thanks for all your advice peeps, made me feel a lot better. :)xxxx

[janeybaby25]

quick update on this situation cos its making me shake like crazy and I need to calm down & talk to someone.

I called my boyfriends mum this morning about avon (she is my sales leader) & she was talking about her grandson & I asked if she would let us know when she had him next so we could see him & I ended up bursting into tears & telling her what happened & she is really impartial & said, well it's like this when you have had a baby, she is probably just hormonal etc & don't worry we will tell you when we have him so you can see him & that was that. Anyway, she told her husband & they then went to the gym where they saw there other son, & he went home & had a word with his wife for upsetting me & she says now she is not coming holiday with us & she has flown off the handle & left him!!!! I feel terrible, like my being upset has been the cause of all this. I have called her now to try & talk & explain the situation but she won't talk to me. I said could I call her back & she said yes so calling her in 30mins. Please reassure me I am not in the wrong here. It seams mad that she has flown off the handle like this just cos I was upset about the way she spoke to me. I am shaking like mad.

[Anxious_gal]

some people are just plain mean and manipulative. and like you, they can make you doubt yourself. no your not in the wrong.
but my friends sister when she had her baby she would let no one hold him, for the first few weeks, well her boyfriend was allowed to hold the baby but no one else.
so it maybe the over protection /hormonal stuff

[janeybaby25]

yeah thats what her mother in law is saying, a hormonal thing. It seams quite mad though she is leaving her hubby over it all. I have spoke to her since I posted that last thread & we sorted stuff out & I explained she upset but she is still off to her mums & leaving her husband! I told her she was being silly & tried to talk her out of it but she was adamant. x

[kendo59]

Your sis-in-law sounds like a completely horrible nasty bitch. She sounds like she is a very hostile and manipulative bully, used to throwing tantrums and bullying people into getting her own way over everything. She sounds like a very nasty piece of work. To be honest, you are probably all better off without her coming on holiday with you.

[janeybaby25]

yeah I know, no one seams to be bothered she ain't coming on holiday to be honest!!! lol

[samc100]

I really do think she's got PND ( or was she always so dramatic?).... I hope someone on her side of the family get her some help.

[its all good]

Sounds to me like she is an attention seeker who wants ur life to revolve around her! There is another word i cud use, but think i mite get in trouble! Dont u worry honey, u have done all u can and as for her not goin on holiday, childish is not the word. Keep ur chin up, dont let her get u down xxx:hugs: