Hello, "new On Here"

[richieshealth]

Hi, how's things?? Well I came across this site by accident whilst looking for information on anxiety. I liked the idea of been able get your feelings/concerns and worries of your chest and to hopefully find some useful feedback. Why we can't find this in the normal world is beyond me - but we can't. Well I don't know weather your supposed to tell a the story about your problem here or just a overview. Well I'll keep the full story and reasons for another time. My issues would come under health anxiety, this started around 12 yrs ago after giving blood. After reading the literature about what the blood is screen for, I became very anxious. I knew I'd had lots of one night stands not using precautuons, so I told the nurse. She told me not to worry, she did not see it as a concern to either them or myself. I may of been okay with that advice, but I was just out of a relationship at the time and was in a terribly vunerable state of mind. I not been able to get it out my mind ever since. The invisability of HIV/AIDS has give me a real anxiety problem, I haven't been able to persue relationships because of my fear of other people HIV status. It's a taboo subject for one plus I know I cannot wrap a partner up in cotton wool. This has also happened regarding bird flu. The invisability indiscrimanate nature of these deseases and the fact there deadly is blighting my life. I get depressed because if you think there's a chance you have these deseases and its hard to convince your mind otherwise there doesn't seemed like there's alot to live for. It's the consistant not knowing or not been convinced that distresses me. At least if your know the truth one way or the other you can then live and adjust your life to that fact. I don't know how to switch that part of my brain off, I've been for 3 test now and I've tried to get back into a relationship and carry on as normal but the first time I tried sex without protection with a regular girlfriend I was put back into panic stations. So I'll be going for a 4th test around march 2009 and my life is back on hold till that moment. I know I can't live this way. Is there anyone out there ever felt the same about these particular deseases or does anyone know the best way of beating this distructive way of thinking. Thanks for reading!! (ps sorry for any bad spelling)

[pinkpiglet]

Hi there and :welcome: to NMP.

Theres not much advice i can offer you but what is stopping you starting a relationship with someone and then suggesting that you both get tested for all std's (inc HIV and AIDS) before the inevetable happens?
When i met my fella 6 years ago we spent a few weeks just going on dates and getting to know one another then, when we started to get closer my boyfriend suggested that we both get tested before we took our relationship to the next level. He said that he felt that things were going well and because he had had unprotected sex in the past he did not want to put me at risk. At first i was a bit stunned but HIV and AIDS had always been something that i had fretted about in the past and this suggestion gave me the push i needed to get checked out. It was a long wait but all our tests came back negative which was a great relief (and 1 less thing to worry about). I have always respected my bf hugely for this and our relationship is very grounded with lots of trust. We now have a son who is almost two and we know that if we stay together we will always be free of sexually related diseases.
I hope this helps, take care and good luck x:yesyes:

[thinker_bell]

hello richieshealth, unfortunately i no all too well how youre feeling, the fear of hiv and aids didnt bring on my anxiety it was other things buit that has been a fear of mine as i too have had a "few" partners unprotected and as i have quite bad health anx it was inevitable that the fear of those diseases would plague me at some pont and they do, unlike you tho i haventg been for lots of tests, i us had the one and the anticipation of that made me never want to be tested again!! was awful waitin for 2 weeks, even tho it was negative, i still get scared as i went out n did the same again.. tut.
im now in a 2 yr relationship tho but the thoughts of these diseases still terrify me and if im not thinkin im dyin of a brain tumour or meningitis etc then im dyin of aids or syphillis !! thinkin about it 2day makes me feel like im being irrational and silly forworrying but when im in the midst of worrying or am havin a bad day or week then the thought that im being irrational doesnt come in to it, its very scarey and feels very real no matter what you tell yourself.. the main thing is that you have finally found us and the fact that alot of us worry either about the same things u do or different things should tell u ur not alone and hopefully help you to realise that they are just fears and not a reality as we all go thru it.. keep ur chin up and message us if u ever need 2 xxxxx :welcome:

[milly jones]

a wonderful welcome to no more panic

glad u decided to join us

love from

milly xx:hugs:

[richieshealth]

Thanks for taking the time to reply, it's a real comfort(thanks) and well thought out advice too. We live in a kinder world than I thought. I'll write again soon to the people thoughful enough to reply bye..

[pooh]

Hi there and welcoem along to NMP

Pooh x

[richieshealth]

Hi, Just want to say thanks, pink piglet - good advice. It's a relief to know it's also a concern to other people as well, obviousley not as much in the for front of your mind like me. I think it was a great thing you did to agree a test yourself, as it was initially your bf's concern about his past not yours, so you exposed yourself to an unknown for your bf and the relationship. You both sound like good people. I guess after your result you don't think about it anymore ? I need to get to that point.. I get a negative result but can't let go of the fear that i can be exposed again. I am even getting some weight gloves for the gym that cover my entire hand so it does not touch any sweat or possible specs of blood on any of the equipment, incase it gets into my skin, like exposed finger wicks any cuts etc... "Ridiculous i know"

[Dazza]

Hi

I had this a few years ago, when a condom came off, but as it was in the heat of the moment, I could not tell if I had penetrated without the condom on... result, a lot of anxiety over it. I got tested and all was fine.

I'm now in a stable relationship, and my boyfriend and I tested for HIV and other STDs before we took things to the next stage of unprotected sex. We are both 'clean' of any STDs, and now our relationship has been able to go to a wonderful new level, where we trust each other and have the greatest levels of intimacy as a result.

My only advice to you would be, that both you and your current / future partner go for STD screening before you get intimate. This will reassure you, and you will then be able to enjoy yourselves without the thought of HIV niggling away at you.

That is my experience. I hope it helps.

[richieshealth]

Thanks Darren, I hope i can get that all important reassurance that a test brings. I hope i can get to feeling that everythings alright now and will be from now on if you play safe.. once i get (hopefully) to that point it won't bother me / like smoking my last cig may give me cancer, like thats a possability but i can handle it, i don't genuienly believe thats the last ciggeratte i've had tonight is the one thats give me terminal cancer. I just know it could.. ps where you more worried about a HIV in a male/male relashionship?.. I'm not sure if the prevelance is now higher in hetrosexuals now?.. Well nice to know your clear and in a good relashionship now. Take care Rich..

[Dazza]

.. ps where you more worried about a HIV in a male/male relashionship?.. I'm not sure if the prevelance is now higher in hetrosexuals now

Interesting question Rich. :)

Before I met my current partner, I had always had protected sex, even with my former 'serious' partners. For me, I was not really more worried due to it being a male / male relationship, but in my case it felt like more of a sense of responsability to look after myself, and make sure that I wasn't putting myself at unecessary rick. The fact that I wasn't prepared to have unprotected sex with my ex partners, was probably a reflection the the relationships themselves more than anything. I'm very happy with my current partner, and we are very commited to eachother, so this makes us totally at ease about it. We did wait severl months before getting to the stage of unprotected sex, and only once we had been tested.

I'm not sure about the incidence of HIV contratction within heterosexuals compared to homosexual couples, but I know that the National Blood Service here in the UK will not allow men who have had sex with men to give blood. The irony about this, is that a higher percentage of my straight mates practice unsafe sex compared to the percentage of my gay mates. I think maybe there is some misconception that it is still a virus that effects mostly gays and drug users. I'm not sure what the exact statistics are though, but when I wrote to the National Blood Service to complain about what I saw as discrimination (as I know that I am 'clean'), they wrote back to me and told me that the rates amongst gay and bisexual men are still statistically higher.

Good luck with working through your anxiety mate. I'm confident that you will get there. :)