learner
15-09-08, 17:57
I am angry, I am upset, I am happy, Im mixed up; dont know which way to go.
This is my life I dont know what to do for the best.
I am problems seeing any thing good in myself, i take any compliment as if who ever is giving it is asking for something in return. Im taking medication for epilepsy which is making me put weight on and Im not sleeping so always feel tired, to tired to exercise.
I am having anxiety problems all the time, I get very up tight and start to panic in most places these days. I cant go out alone as I have started to feel anger to wards others when i start to panic. I have difficulty communicating with anyone without getting so stressed i clam up, I cant talk to my partner as I feel he thinks I am talking silly. I hate being in public places as I start to panic around groups of people.
I feel wobbly inside fuzzy head and most days headaches. I have problems with crawly skin and itching which also prevents me from getting a goodnights sleep.
I have lost my friends and the only people in my life are my mum and dad my partner and his close family. My children only speak to me if they really have to or if they think i can do something for them; my partner goes mad saying they are using me but i am glad of any contact. I do not see my grandchild and now Im going to be a grandma again and i know i wont be included in their life either.
I have tried to end my life as I feel i have got nothing more to gain from this life. I cannot live with out my children and grandchildren, but i cannot make them want to see me.
My doctor is sending me to see a counsilling team in Sheffield but I have tried that in the past but talking will not sort my life out, i dont know what will as it seems all my adult life ive just gone round in circles and not strayed to far away from my comfort zone but that even feels its disappeared.
I have gone back to college today but I feel that wont last long as i felt to overpowered with all the people there.
I am sorry if this all seems pathetic but thats how I am lost in the adult world where i dont want to be i want to be the little girl in my grandmas arms again safe and loved for who i am.
need to stop typing cant see the keys for crying
j
:weep: :weep: :weep: :weep: :weep: :weep: :weep:
This is my life I dont know what to do for the best.
I am problems seeing any thing good in myself, i take any compliment as if who ever is giving it is asking for something in return. Im taking medication for epilepsy which is making me put weight on and Im not sleeping so always feel tired, to tired to exercise.
I am having anxiety problems all the time, I get very up tight and start to panic in most places these days. I cant go out alone as I have started to feel anger to wards others when i start to panic. I have difficulty communicating with anyone without getting so stressed i clam up, I cant talk to my partner as I feel he thinks I am talking silly. I hate being in public places as I start to panic around groups of people.
I feel wobbly inside fuzzy head and most days headaches. I have problems with crawly skin and itching which also prevents me from getting a goodnights sleep.
I have lost my friends and the only people in my life are my mum and dad my partner and his close family. My children only speak to me if they really have to or if they think i can do something for them; my partner goes mad saying they are using me but i am glad of any contact. I do not see my grandchild and now Im going to be a grandma again and i know i wont be included in their life either.
I have tried to end my life as I feel i have got nothing more to gain from this life. I cannot live with out my children and grandchildren, but i cannot make them want to see me.
My doctor is sending me to see a counsilling team in Sheffield but I have tried that in the past but talking will not sort my life out, i dont know what will as it seems all my adult life ive just gone round in circles and not strayed to far away from my comfort zone but that even feels its disappeared.
I have gone back to college today but I feel that wont last long as i felt to overpowered with all the people there.
I am sorry if this all seems pathetic but thats how I am lost in the adult world where i dont want to be i want to be the little girl in my grandmas arms again safe and loved for who i am.
need to stop typing cant see the keys for crying
j
:weep: :weep: :weep: :weep: :weep: :weep: :weep: