View Full Version : Just when you thought things FINALLY improved 2
An update,
Or Swans as Pain Relief
Following on from my last post, I received a letter from the hospital, inviting me for a colposcopy, followed by a possible biopsy, followed by whatever the Consultant deemed appropriate. (Why do they invite you? As if ANYBODY would willingly go?)
I didn’t think that I was bothered about it, until Thursday night, when I realised that despite it being gone 11.30pm, and being very tired, I was also very wired, and couldn’t get to sleep. I tried Megs magic method, fifteen deep breaths, using abdominal breathing, on the left side, followed by fifteen on your back, followed by fifteen on your right side.
It must have worked, because I woke up in the middle of the night, needing to use the loo, and promptly nodded back off again.
Being an ex-goth, and therefore a vampire by nature, I was dreading the next day, I had the first appointment, at 9.00 am. Having spoken to several people who go about their daily business during daylight hours, I set my alarm clock for 7.00 am, got my clothes out the night before, and was aiming to hit the road at 8.00 am. (The general verdict was setting off at various times between 7.15 and 8.15)
As anybody knows who has read a single one of my posts NOTHING ever goes right for me, and guess what – it didn’t this time either!!!!
I was in the bath for quarter past seven (it took me 15 minutes to work out what pants to wear – g-strings are frowned upon for causing fungal infections, comfy work pants are just too scruffy, silky pants are too sexy. In the end I settled for cotton French knickers, sensible but a bit frisky too.) I shaved, exfoliated and moisturised my legs and armpits, and finally felt ready to face the examination table, although I got a bit tense when I realised that I had run out of time to fake tan or paint my toe nails. After a light breakfast, I was on the road for 8.03. Imagine my joy, when I missed all the traffic, and arrived at the hospital for 8.22. Hmmm, only 45 minutes to wait before I got in. I text Meg, who had very kindly agreed to sit and wait with he, only to receive a phone call informing me that her car had over heated, and she was in the middle of nowhere, waiting for Gary to collect her and bring her to me, with me returning her to the car and the AA later! Great.
Mind you, it was quite odd, as I was fine without Meg being there, but knowing that she was coming. She text me at 9.02am to tell me that she had arrived, but typical NHS, they took me in EARLY. Mind you this was quite fortunate. The only reading matter was a My Weekly with an in depth interview with Bruce Forsyth, or an information poster on surviving the winter. (Were they late in taking it down, or early in putting it up?) The other good thing about going first, was that there was absolutely NO WAY C***Y B******S grandmother was going in before me.
The consultant was very nice. We had a lovely little chatter, where he decided that I probably had an erosion, and would give me some cryosurgery right there and then. What a nice man (not). Things were looking up however, when I got undressed, and into the hospital gown it had tapes on. Lots of them. And they fastened. Wheyhey
From now on in things started to go really wrong. I got onto the treatment bed, and lodged myself onto the stirrups (which being a horsey gal, I can tell you are a trade description nightmare – they are two vinyl posts which you rest your calves on – and boy do they spread your calves and make them look MASSIVE), oh yes – I got on the treatment bed, and having over moisturised earlier on, slid off the bed onto the floor. Once I had my legs wiped down, I managed to perch onto the bed in an appropriate position, which I shan’t go into.
Anyway, he had a good look around, and just when I decided that he was going to let me go, he found some dodgy areas, and asked if he could do a biopsy. I said yes, of course he could, to which he replied he was asking the nurse!!! To pass the equipment!!!! Which had to be seen to be believed. I had to question which area of my anat
Presumed busted fan belt + burst water pump = terminal
Genuine reason for being late to meet Charlie .. sorry
I eventually drove it to the garage tailed by a friend and had to stop 3 times in 5 miles to cool down and then it died in the forecourt never to start again.
Something about a seized engine management system..
TG for company cars. I was due a new one anyway ... Slight consolation was that the garage bloke asked me out for a drink so it wasn't all bad.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hi charlie
What an ordeal, but as usual you always manage to put humour into it. You take care of yourself and pleased Meg was there to help you through the recovery.
Let us know how you are getting on.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
was it wrong of me to laugh at that story!?! sorry.
Its the way you tell 'em!
Lisa
xxx
P.S. I have just paused from reading my Marian Keyes novel to read this and wasn't sure whether I was reading an extract from her book - please publish a book!!
Charlie - only you can make something crap sound so funny!! LOL :D
Charlie,
I love reading your posts!! They're so funny to read...im not laughing at what you had to go through, but the way you tell the story is so funny!
I agree.....please publish a book!! Im sure you've alreday got demand for one from people on the forum!
Tatty B xx
Oh Charlie,
Your posts make me laugh.
Reminds me of my first gastroscopy when I was 18 - I was really petrified when I saw the size of all the tools they used set out on the side, and was just about to cry and say I'll leave it thanks when the guy said irritably 'those are nothing to do with us, they belong to the maintainance crew who are fixing a leaky radiator'. Phew!!!
Like you ordinary events always seem to take a few mad twists and turns in our family despite our best efforts (or because of).
Love Piglet
Brillent Post as ever Charlie,
Good luck with your results and the rest of your treatment hun!
Take Care,
Love PIP'S X X
nomorepanic
23-05-05, 19:12
Charlie
We can't but laugh at your misfortunes cos they are so wonderfully told!!![^]
Thanks for cheering me up.
As for the “sanitary protection, which when measured was 3” wide, 8” long, and 5” deep" - well I can relate to that cos I had a colposcopy some years ago now and that is what they gave me. I was walking like John Wayne lol!!
Glad it went ok and you did it ! A big hug to you and see you on the 17th!
xxx
Nicola
Hi Charlie
How are you getting on.
It is great to hear from you, as you know exactly how to word it all.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi guys
A bit nervous awaiting the results - the bigger the number the nastier the treatment (please everybody pray for a number 1 result). Number 3 involves being scraped out with cheese wire, sending it off to the lab, and finding out if there were any nasty bits there, and if they have all been removed. However, for some reason, they don't call this procedure being scraped out with cheese wire. They call it LLETZ.
Now doesn't that sound better!!!!
Nic you are so right about the John Wayne walk - and I've got horses, so I'm used to walking with a horse between my legs. I remember commenting to my dad that I may as well have worn a t-shirt that said, "I've just had my bits prodded and poked about".
It was obvious that anybody walking through the hospital had had their bits done (or had just had a horse surgically removed from between their legs).
I'm sure that I shall have recovered nicely, just in time for the LLETZ - lets face it with my track record of luck, I'm bound to have CIN3. And they will also want to treat me the day we are supposed to be at Alton Towers.
Anybody fancy a change of venue for the meet up - I can guarantee a laugh, and for those of you who like to be scared s******s, I'll let the consultant show you the five foot hole biopsy hole punch, and you can work out just how he can use it and it not come out of your nose. (Meg may be the exception to this rule, but she is VERY tall, we are talking Eiffel Tower height). Plus, it most definitely won't rain.
Having also read the leaflet, I've just noticed that I'm likely to be treated on Ward 19, and I'm sure that is where darling Fossil died, so LOTS of moral support will be needed.
Love Charlie
p.s. I have been discussing a book with Meg - and I'm thinking of writing a book about my "recovery" from anxious mentalist to just plain mentalist in 172 difficult steps (or my road to recovery)
Watch this space x
However,
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Charlie
Hugs to you. I hope you're feeling better now. Maybe I should be the one sending you a de stress kit now (which by the way is still in full use, (ok the choccies didn't last long) but most of the other stuff is still going strong - apart from the lip balm which Dave somehow managed to lose in the Maldives - wonder if that was where my address book went too?
I'm looking forward to seeing you after the Bank Hol and promise to be very supportive or at the very least to bore you with the wedding photos!!. Well it'll take your mind off things.
You write that book and put me down for a preview copy, you make me realise that I'm not the only loon on the planet!
Get in touch when you get chance and let me know how you are.
Take care and more hugs
Jules
Jules
I hope you aren't calling me a loon. Don't tar me with your brush. I'm a mentalist actually.
Very much looking forward to popping down, and seeing the photos - don't forget I volunteered for it!
Does Mr Beans pub do food? Maybe we could get some tea? I'll let you know a better eta nearer the time, but I know I AM working in day, so not likely to be too early.
Are you pregnant yet?
Love and Hugs
Charlie
p.s. Just had a thought - if we didn't keep posting replies to text messages, then we wouldn't seem as mad as we are. Nobody else reading this will be able to make any sense, apart from Meg, but thats because she is a brainiac.
p.p.s. Please hang fire with the destress kit - I've a feeling things may just get a bit worse before they are better, and I don't want to peak with my pampering XX
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Sorry Miss Mentalist "I'm aspiring as a loon to get there, or have I already surpassed you"
Yes Mr Bean's pub does do food and it's usually very good. He does however whack the prices up after 7 pm and stops serving stuff of the more snack variety. Unless I'm looking particularly worse for wear of an evening, haven't been able to cook and then he often relents and lets me have a sarnie. Everything is home-made (or so they claim and I've been in the kitchens - and it seemed nice and clean) So no worries there. Although now, I've probably fated us both to a case of food poisoning.
If you're feeling tired and can cope with a loon or two (yep hubby is one too), then you're more than welcome to stay over. We can even offer a normal room or one complete with space ships. Which may be entertaining after a couple of glasses of wine.
No I'm not pregnant!! Have decided that there are too many things I want to do before I even think about that. Am even planning a trip to New York. Plus I'm taking a stand as everyone keeps saying but how old are you, when they talk about children. Cheeky gits!
As for everyone else thinking we're mad and having to put up with my inane drivel, then I'm sorry. But at least they get to read your barking replies.
Right I really do have to do some of what I get paid for.
More love and hugs
Ps think Meg might know us a bit too well too but at least she's getting a nice new car, so that's some consolation
Jules
You two are crackers HA HA But great to see what great mates you are and how you are always here for each other.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Jules - I am the bigger mentalist and loon so just don't try to catch me up.
You are forgetting Mr Bean rather liked me, asked me out for a meal, and gave me (ok, via Meg) 32 pence in 1p, 2p and 5p pieces (which is where Jack got all his money from). Also, if we give him enough wine he won't remember whether we have paid or not.
So, I actually think that we can get to the pub for 6.55pm, I can call in my free dinner, and we will split the bill between us (is Dave coming too? Or do you not let him out at weekends now you are married?)
Also, have the best put down to any chat up line too - if you sleep with me your willy will fall off. But we won't tell him that till we've had the free dinner.
I think I am at Midland Counties Show grooming for Carolyn on the Sunday. I need to check my diary which seems to be in the same place as your address book (didn't know Dave knew how to find my house, or that he'd taken it to the Maldives), in which case I shall go home. However, now you have tempted me with spaceships, I shall invite myself down again just so I can experience them.
Will Sheeba be at home? I'm not good with nasty dogs, and nobody (apart from Meg) had a nice word to say about Sabre at your wedding. They tend to pick up on me being a bit wary, try and bite my face of, then feed on the fact that I'm well scared!!!!
Take care
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Hi Charlie, so that was where the money came from. I had completely forgotten about that.
Mr Bean doesn't usually drink lots when he's working, well, not until late in the evening.
If you want to stay then Tess (Sabre) can go to the kennels. She likes it there. So let me know. If not she can stay at home. That said she's poorly at the moment and I'm really worried about her. Dave took her for a run this morning, she got her leg caught jumping a gate and she's hurt her hip. I'm hoping it's not broken but just a sprain, though she's lying on the kitchen floor and won't move, making whimpering sounds. I hated leaving her and so am gonna do my urgent stuff and go home and sit with her. Can you believe that we can't get her in the vets until 6.50 pm. Poor darling. So she isnt' up to savaging anyone. Though I don't rate the vets chances when he tries to examine her. Last time they had to knock her out. So guess my New York trip might be on hold, due to a large vets bill. Regards. eating your face, I couldn't even get her to eat her favourite biscuit this morning, so you would have been ok.
As for Dave coming, I'm not sure we should inflict the three of us on him (Meg is up for it). I think he might meet us a bit later on. And of course he's allowed out to play, blimey we all need our peace and quiet.
Take care hun and speak soon
Jules
No Jules No
WRONG answer.
You should be saying Sabre is a nice dog. I shall introduce you to her and you will be fine.
Not you are coming round for the night so she can go into kennels.
And telling me about the injury just makes things ten times worse. The dog can leap over a five bar gate?
Now I've got visions of walking through the door and a great slathering foamy mouth white eyed hairy alsation launching itself at me down the hallway straight from the kitchen.
Maybe she should go into kennels after all. Or you could pop her into the garden for a bit (alot cheaper)
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Hi Hun
I only meant Tess could go in kennels if you were going to stay over. She is an absolute darling and we don't let her around people she doesn't know.
But that said, she is very poorly doggie at the moment. Her hip was dislocated as you know. The vet reset it but it came out and she had to have an operation this morning to try and fix it. So far so good but it could come out again, as she has a lot of damage to her hip tissue. She may end up having to go to an orthopaedic specialist. Didn't know they had them for dogs but know it is all becoming very expensive.
That said, when she's collected tomorrow she has to be kept quiet and confined for two weeks or else she will cause herself more injury. So I've had to ban everyone friends and family, (other than Dave) from the house, cos she will just get too excited or volatile if people are around. Either of which could snap the suture holding her hip where it should be. How the hell do you make a dog lie down for 2 to 4 weeks??
So after all that, I still really want to see you but do you mind if we just make it in the pub. I could put her in another room but I know she'll just hear a strange voice and want to say hello.
Anyway let me know if you're still on for sat anyway. I could always come over to you, though carrying a great big box and piles of photies to somewhere strange may mean that I won't be allowed back!!
Take care anyway, and hope to hear from you soon.
Hugs
Jules
You both could always come here..
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