my 8 yr old soul soldier

[ade]

last nite i suffered a very violent episode of sickness and memories from abuse.i was on my knees crying and wretching.i heard the door creep open and stood there was my bleary eyed 8 yr old daughter.i had woken her with the noise of it all.i said 'sorry honey bee' and she just said
'oh daddy are you alright my love' 'daddy,try to rest and have sips of water'
ohhhhhh bless her little massive heart.wow,such a caring child is the source of shining pride for us.tears fell down my face,i was soooo touched by her gentle kind manner and told her in no uncertain terms that she had the kindness of an angel,in fact tho im an atheist,i felt like i had been visited by a genuine angel.
so heres to megan catherine,8 yrs old yet with the emotional intelligence of a trained psychologist!!! i have tried to love her with every atom in my soul,and it looks like that love is coming full circle.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((( m e g a n ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Cathy V]

Ade, i remember well how my eldest son tried to look after me many years ago when i was first in the throes of mental meltdown. He was about megan's age then (he's 36 now and a daddy himself). Ive never been as bad since as i was during bleak time but ive never forgotten my little boy lying down beside me on the bed and holding my hand and telling me he would look after me. He says he doesnt remember those times and maybe he doesnt, maybe hes chosen not to, but i remember. Ive always said that not all angels have wings.

Lots of luv to you ade in your struggle with your demons, and to your megan...a special little girl xxxxxxxx

[marie1974]

awwww ade wot a beautiful daughter u have, u obviously are a super daddy too. my 2 sons 11 and 9 are very protective over me and especially my eldest as he sees me struggle sometimes but soldier on as mummys have to do, heres to our great kiddies they really get us through the bad times, mine saved me years back when i had my dep, i had to look after them when hubby went to work even though i wanted to wallow in bed all day and someone take them cos i couldnt cope. they saved me and yours will too. hugs to u xx

[milly jones]

ade u have such a powerful way with words

my son whose 11 has the canny knack of ensuring that sharp implements are always safely tucked away when im at my lowest

i find medication packets are always put back away in the medicine cupboard

ive never told him about me hurting, or wanting to end the pain, he has this kind of inbuilt knowledge and caring empathy for my illness

thank god for our kids

without them it would be so easy to slip away

god bless megan catherine

and blessings to u too ade hunny

milly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[pinkpiglet]

My mum suffered a PND after my birth and later suffered several terrible breakdowns. She had chronic anxiety and was always in and out of hospital. Every time my dad was on nights she would have a huge panic attack and wake me asking to help her. I was very protective of her and would never sleep out if my dad wasnt going to be at home. I knew that i would be needed in the night to help calm her and bring her help. I had to knock my auntie or our neighbour up on many occassions.
I think that children are as protective over their parents as they are over us.
Only thing is that it did affect me very deeply, i have always had trouble sleeping and often wake up paniky in the night (i put this down to my childhood experiences). I also suffer from anxiety myself. Whilst it is okay for your children to witness these things on occassion i think that it is wise to shield them from alot of it too.
I have recently gone through a really bad spell of anxiety and my only concern is that my son won't ever be affected by my condition. He will witness things, of that i am sure but wherever i can shield him from my anxiety i will.

[ade]

dear pinkpiglet
i understand your point but i have to respectfully disagree in my case(not necessarily in yours).when i was 8,the age my megan is now,
my mother was,unbeknown to me at the time,diagnosed as being terminally ill.we were shielded from this truth,but i knew something awful was happening,but i did not know what.i came to my own tragic conclusions when the priest at church asked us all to pray for her in this dark time.this led me as a child to suffer the following conclusion:something is terribly wrong,it affects me ,but i do not know what.
this has led to crippling separation anxiety which ive had throughout my life,and if my wife is 30 mins late.....i start to panic.so in this present situation i believe that i must tell my children in an appropriate manner,some truth to protect them from theiir limitless imagination.i cant tell when i will be sick and remember the abuse,its often triggered by everyday news and my nightly nightmares.i cant silence my screams in the night.so i believe that it is my duty to her to tell her something managable and truthful.another example was when i was hospitalised for several intrusive medical procedures,a colonoscopy,endoscopy and sigmoidoscopy.they were investigating sever symptoms believed to be cancer.all the biopsies thankfully came back clear.
we only told megan that daddy was poorly,when the truth was that my psychologist believed that these procedures would trigger memories of the abuse i suffered because of their intrusive nature and she wanted me in a psychiatric ward to offer me some safety.again the trouble was uninformed imagination on my daughters part,she confessed to me that she thought i was dying,when the truth was actually very positive...the results meant i was healthy.
its a really difficult one ,where do you draw the line,i guess you have to see it case by case and i am certainly not judging your experiences which have sadly hurt you and i KNOW that your motive is the beautiful one of protection of innocence.i just think that life throws up unavoidable challenges and we have to try to deal with them.i hope you can hear my views and not be offended as i am actually glad you put your point of view
its just that in my experience in being shielded from the truth,i was also denied any chance of coping with said truth.
my mum is now nearly 80! she was given a one in 25 chance of survival
and she is well and happy,thank you for your concerns and i think we actually agree on our motives but maybe life has led us down different paths
take good care of yourselves i send you an ocean of love.
ade xxxxxxxxxxx:flowers:
"truth is born of a healthy clash of ideas"