Fear of other people noticing

[Patty]

Hi everyone,:)

I have a fear of other people noticing that I am anxious & panicky in social situations. Due to this I have tried to avoid them. I feel so shaky & my voice seems to get shaky as well. I also find eye contact difficult.

I need to apply for a job at the moment - even the thought of this is making me so anxious. (I rang for an application form and had to leave my details on an answering machine - I was nervous even doing that & almost hung up before I gave them!!)

I wonder do other people really notice my nervousness or am I so focused on worrying about how I'm coming across that I just think they do?

I have had this fear for quite a few years now but I want to get some confidence back and be able to face people without worrying.

Any ideas would be much appreciated.

[marie1974]

hiya hun, well i would say i worry alot about stuff too and i think alot of it is in my mind and the more i think about it the worse i get.

just try to relax and i have now learnt to relax alittle and think so wot, i dont care wot people think and since this i have felt alot less stressed.

be confident in yourself hunny and even i u do appear nervous so wot, u r the important one not them and they are nothing to u.

mayb practise talking to people abit more and putting yourself in busy situations etc, just little steps at a time and try to just be yourself and not care, i know its easier said then done but u can learn to to it.
hugs and im sure u will b fine xx

[milly jones]

i laughed at ur post, not at u but at a situation i was faced with a couple of months ago.

i was at my sons leaving assembly. i hate large crowds, i have sa.

i was at the back and began to get nervous and ppl were arriving late.

i was rocking and wringing my hamnds and a lovely grandma said

'you never stop doing that do u' meaning the rocking

she thought i was simulating rocking a baby and not the intense fear and anx i was feeling

so next time ppl are watching u, they may be thinking of something totally different

the other hard one is eye contact. it is widely know that ppl telling lies cannot make eye contact and look away. i must tell loads lies lol

love

milly xx

[Patty]

Hi Donna & Milly,:)

I want to thank the both of you so much for your replies. :yesyes: :yesyes:

I have had a terrible couple of weeks and to be honest I just burst into tears tonight with all the anxiety & stress. I think that because the first time that I took a panic attack I was talking to someone in the place that I worked (and I think that they noticed that there was something "wrong" with me) I always associate a terrible fear with that particular situation. That was about 9 years ago now. Ever since I feel that I am trying to 'keep up appearances' that I don't have anxiety.


Donna - I think that I have such low confidence & self-esteem I just feel so worthless at times. I find that if I am under any stress I just go into 'meltdown' and feel like a quivering wreck. You're so right I need to put myself in situations and not care what other people think of me. Thanks so much xx :bighug1:



Milly - I had to laugh at what you were saying about the situation at your sons leaving assembly - I think it so helps to have a sense of humour about it all - although I also so understand how horrible those feelings of intense fear and anxiety can be. I will remember what you said the next time I'm in the grip of anxiety in a social situation - it will so help to think that maybe they are thinking of something totally different! Also I always sit at the back if I go anywhere! As for eye contact I might try this :scared15:!! Thanks so much xx :bighug1:

[marie1974]

hi patty just wondered if u have had counselling? i have had cbt counselling for 5 months and its helped me so much and i think it would help u too. i had to go private as no luck with nhs and i dont think u get that many sessions with nhs to b honest.

i had it once a week cost me 40 pound and i was out of pocket but i dunno wot i would do with out it now it helps me so much and has made me able to do things i would have never done before. hugs xxx

[Patty]

Hi Donna,:)

I have never had any counselling. I have thought about it but have never got around to doing it. Although, I have been thinking recently of doing telephone counselling with AnxietyUk (NPS).

I have read about CBT and it is so good to know that it has helped you so much. Do you think it would make any difference if I did the face to face or telephone counselling?

:bighug1:

[Thistooshallpass]

I was looking through the old posts and saw this one. I can really relate to it-pretending to be confident and not anxious at work makes me exhausted and have been told by my counsellor makes it worse. Sometimes I wonder what people would think of the real me and my anxiety. I feel like a shy person pretending to be quite bubbly and care free at work. When I speak to people I constantly wonder how I look to them and if my facial gestures and so on are successfully covering up my anxiety about it! Does anyone else get this drives me mad! I need to stop caring