Going out.

[Davvid]

I'm new to this so sorry if this is in the wrong place.

Can I explain about myself first - I've lived on my own for many years. Last year my mother came to stay here because she can't manage on her own now. I look after her.

Every Friday evening I've been going to my friend's house and taking my mother to her own house along the way. She stays there until I pick her up on my way home - about 8 pm. My nephew has been coming to stay with her until I arrive.

Well this nephew is going away to uni on Sat so he will not be able to go to my mother on Fridays now. My mother has decided she doesn't want to go down to her own house on Fridays now so that means I'll have to drive to my friend's on my own. ( my mother will be ok on her own for an hour or two ).

The thing is I'm afraid of driving to my friend's house incase I have a panic attack on the way. They're so horrible. I know I bring them on myself but I can't seem to break the habit of them.

I thought if I wrote this and then wrote again about how I got on maybe it would help. If I knew there was someone I could tell about it maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

I've been having panic and fear of going out for many years but can't get over it.
Thank you, Dave.

[milly jones]

hunny try to believe that u are not going to pa on the journey

if u stay positive there is less chance

the more u convince urself that it is going to happen the more anxiety u are putting onto urself

please try and relax about it

hugs

milly

[Veronica H]

hi Davvid
Milly is right...its the contemplation of the things we are going to do that is the killer. I would advise you to put it out of your mind as much as you can, but be determined to go. Painful though it is, the only way to recover is to carry on going out there even if panic comes, as it only gets harder if you don't. Remember with this illness that thoughts are feelings, so try to think about having a nice break on Friday and seeing your friend if you can.

Veronica

[dianes]

:welcome: Davvid
Panic attacks are awful but I would say try to loose the fear of having one. Ask yourself how does your mother being with you in the car stop you from having one? If you think it is the company, put some relaxing music on and focus on the enjoyment you get by going out to your friends. Have you read any Claire Weeks books? I would recommend 'Self help for your nerves' it has really helped me. I no longer worry about p.a's they're not nice but they can't harm you. You have already proved this to yourself by having more than one where nothing bad happened. Keep going out and let any symptoms of panic wash over you and go away:yesyes:
It does get easier when you learn to stop worrying about them.
Good luck for Friday, I look forward to reading about your trip in the success post.:yesyes:

Diane
'Remember, your imagination is always much worse than the reality'

[Divinely Desolate]

I'm new to this so sorry if this is in the wrong place.

Can I explain about myself first - I've lived on my own for many years. Last year my mother came to stay here because she can't manage on her own now. I look after her.

Every Friday evening I've been going to my friend's house and taking my mother to her own house along the way. She stays there until I pick her up on my way home - about 8 pm. My nephew has been coming to stay with her until I arrive.

Well this nephew is going away to uni on Sat so he will not be able to go to my mother on Fridays now. My mother has decided she doesn't want to go down to her own house on Fridays now so that means I'll have to drive to my friend's on my own. ( my mother will be ok on her own for an hour or two ).

The thing is I'm afraid of driving to my friend's house incase I have a panic attack on the way. They're so horrible. I know I bring them on myself but I can't seem to break the habit of them.

I thought if I wrote this and then wrote again about how I got on maybe it would help. If I knew there was someone I could tell about it maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

I've been having panic and fear of going out for many years but can't get over it.
Thank you, Dave.

Hey Dave, :welcome: ,

Just stay strong mate, you will be fine, just try to always focus on the postive things and you'll will be ok for the trip, all the best :yesyes:

[Davvid]

Thanks for all your replies.
You'll never know how much you've helped me.
Just having someone to communicate with makes it a lot easier .
Thanks so much.
All the best, Dave

[orangeblossom]

I wondered if there was any other way you could take your mind off the panicking... have you tried listening to different types of music whilst in the car, or an audiobook? I know that when I drive I usually have some relaxing classical music on, or some chatty radio or an audiobook. I find myself so engrossed in what is going on in the book/radio that I don't have space in my mind to panic!

Not sure if that has helped at all, but hope it was of a little use!

[Yvonne]

Davvid

I used to think that I might panic whilst driving and it used to scare me. However, I think once you are in the car and driving the fact that you are concentrating so hard on your driving and things like traffic lights etc etc you don't panic. I think it's the fear that you are going to panic that is keeping you anxious. You probably won't panic without mum in the car but I do know that taking that step to actually drive alone with the thought of having an attack is awful.

Could you try just driving around the block each night for say a week and then go a little further each week? It could help.

I am very sympathetic with you because I know that the fear of panic is a demon. If we could only get rid of that constant thought "what if I panic". I'd just like to switch my mind off at times. I want an off switch for the mind - I'd only think about things I wanted to think about then. Now, wouldn't that be nice.

Take much care and I wishyou luck.

[Davvid]

So many of you have answered my message. I feel really grateful.
I 've got over many bouts of panic attacks. I think this one was brought on by my mother coming to stay here. It's dificult sometimes and I feel hopeless.

I don't mind driving where there are street lights and houses, but some of the journey to my friend's is along winding country roads. She lives 15 miles away.
Anyway I did go last night and came home about 8.15 when it was just dark. I felt as if a panic was in the background but I knew I was going to put how it went on here so that helped.
I also had the radio on and I have a tape of Clair Weeks which I keep in the car . It makes me feel safe.
Yvonne I too wish I had a switch in my mind. It would be very handy.

[eternally optimistic]

Hi David...

Thoughts, we could so do without them, hey...

It is a good idea like Yvonne said to go so far and further the next trip.

I had that last year with going out the door, didnt get agraphobic but it was right there ready to pounce.

I made myself walk, even 2 minutes out and about scared me.. but going a bit further each time was the way forward for me.

Its worth a try doing it bit by bit.

Do what you say, take the things that make you comfortable. Mobile phone, claire weeks tape, music that lifts your mood and distracts.

Remember not to push pressure on yourself to get things right the first time that will just aggrevate the situation..

Good luck.

J

[Veronica H]

:yesyes: You made it. That's the main thing, as our world can get very small very quickly with this illness if we let the fear win. Having your mum living with you is bound to raise your anxiety levels, as this is a big change for you. It might be worth speaking to your GP as you might be eligible for some help from social care services.

Veronica