Feel like I am a bad parent

[Lila]

Howdy folks,

Not been on for a while, husband is away on an extended trip so between work and looking after my wee girl and the house I haven't had a minute.

I have found over the last few weeks that any anxiety I feel turns into me beating myself up over not being a good mother. I feel like I don't do enough for her, engage her enough (though she is fairly vocal about what she wants, always, so it's not like I am ignoring her, fat chance haha!) that she watches too much TV, that I don't cook well enough and just basically that I am a rotten mother.

She is a wonderful kid, very very intelligent, she could sell sand to Arabs with her charm, very caring and sweet but I feel like I had nothing to do with that and all I see are the tantrums and what I have done wrong.

I have myself exhausted thinking about this, not sleeping too well (partly cause we have been on our own for a month now and I worry I won't wake if someone breaks in...I know stupid, but still) have a chest infection cause I think I am run down and I got bitten by a bloody spider and had to go to the Dr cause it's a bad bite from one of these American spiders that are poisionous but not deadly.....great!

So all in all I am a mess. Any advice or a slap up side the head to tell me to snap out of it would be appreciated!

Sorry for the long rant but I am honestly at my wits end and I need a break and I needed to tell someone....lucky you guys ;)

Cheers me dears
Lila

[pinkpiglet]

Hi Lila,
I am pretty certain that you are NOT a bad parent, otherwise you would not be fretting so much about this issue. Every parent strives to be the best, to give their children the best quality care and attention (i know i do).
Over the past few months i have been going through a bad period of anxiety and i have to be honest and say that i have not given my son (22mths) the attention i feel is necessary. I did everything a mother should but when it came to entertaining and playing with my son it pains me to say that my heart was not in it. I would play with him on demand but not because i truly wanted to. My mind was elsewhere. Although i tried my best to hide this.
I am not going to beat myself up about this, and niether should you! Your focus is on getting better and it will not hurt your daughter to entertain herself occassionally. This way you can reserve your energy and motivation for quality play.
I am much better now and i am making up for what my son missed out on. If i am having an off day we stay in and watch t.v and look through books.
This is not a crime, t.v can be educational in moderation!
Stop punishing yourself, your daughter sounds great.

P.S i have had my partner at home to support me, you havent so you deserve a great big hug...........:bighug1:

[marie1974]

hey hun u r being too hard on yourself, its a hard job being a mum and we can only do our best i have 2 boys 11 and 9 and a girl 4 and i always worry but they love us loads and think we great mums, so we should really stop worrying. hugs to u xxxx

[Lila]

Thank you both so much, you have no idea in the time I waited for somone to post something the stuff I put myself through. I so honestly try to be a good Mum, I really do. I love everything about her....even when she is demon child lol I just do not want her to feel less than important because her Mum has these problems. I want to be her 'cheer leader' as they say here, I want everyone to know how wonderful she is but I feel bad when I can't be the parent that is at the park for the potluck or whatever cause I just can't deal with these people I hardly know. I am not American and I have that to deal with also because lovely as these people are we are different and it's hard for me to be myself. Anxiety SUCKS!

We have lots of friends that love her and have kids her own age but I still feel like I am lacking due to my anxiety . I am so sick of feeling less than what I was when I didn't have this going on.

I just hope she is everything she can be without my issues and my baggage.

Thank you again :hugs: