Not sure where to post this dilemma - what would you do?

[Moo]

Hi

Dont know where to put this, but I have a problem which is causing me anxiety, so I've gone for the 'General' thread!

I have dealt with panic for 10 years or so, with a dash of depression since having kids. Last year my friend of 20 years, who has her own business, said she was planning to expand and I should come and work for her as it would probably help me feel better about myself, build confidence etc. At first I was unsure (its a glamorous business and I am not!) but she kept on at me about it and said it would be good for her as she wanted someone she could trust in the place, in case she wasn't there.
Anyway, this year she had all her plans drawn up and sent me on an afternoon-long course to prepare for working there. Then she hit problems with planning and then with finances, and the expansion she thought would be ready in May was nowhere near being started. She still spoke about me working there when she got the work done.

The last few times I've seen her she hasn't mentioned working there, she made comment about how depressed I seemed, I said I was fed up because me and hubby weren't getting on, I didnt have any money and I really needed a job as we were starting to struggle financially at home (who isn't?). She said something like 'you need to get yourself feeling better before you think about jobs' to which I said a job would probably make me feel better (independence, esteem etc)

The thing is now I've been offered a job somewhere else and I'm starting to feel excited and positive for the first time in ages. I've accepted the job and now I feel like I'm betraying her and letting her down. My mum and hubby both said that I should just tell her, but I dont know how. I have known her for a long time and I know how she hates it when things don't go her way. I wish I had just said no in the first place. This is keeping me awake at night and really bothering me.
The fact that she hasn't mentioned working there for a while, does that mean she has changed her mind about me? or does she just expect me to wait forever for the work to be finished (bear in mind it was supposed to be ready in May) and then just slot into the job?
So now the work has started and by the look of it, should be ready in a few weeks.
I just dont know what to say to her and how to word it. I guess what I would like from you guys is a bit of advice on how I should deal with this.
Sorry for the waffle but its really making me feel super anxious.

Thanks in anticipation............
Moo:unsure:

[LeeBee]

Hi Moo - I recently had to make up my mind whether to go through with a promise that I'd made in relation to a job, when I had to decide whether to go back to a much-loved job with people I cared about, or try to make a new life elsewhere. It was agonising, and incredibly stressful, I was so torn, and so upset at the idea of letting people down. But in the end I had to do what was right for me and go for the "make a new life" option. I got so stressed about it I went to the doctor, she said "You have a right to change your mind." Vey wise. And my friends at my old job were a million times more understanding than I had thought they would be - I should have given them more credit! It wasn't as big a deal as I had built it up to be in my head.
Your friend won't be expecting you to sit around waiting for something to happen with her business or not. She'll understand your need to get a job now, and to grab a good opportunity when it comes up. I'm sure she'll be really pleased for you. And things might change again in the future, there might be another opportunity for you to work together. She's probably not thinking about it as much as you imagine, remember she's got loads of stuff going on in her own life to think about. Take a deep breath and tell her about it - I'm sure she'll be understanding and supportive, and once it's out in the open the two of you can get back to just being friends. Good luck :)

[keepemlaughing]

I work at a college in a very small dept. Just me and My boss. There is now an opening in another dept, much larger. I would love it there, I think, but I am so afraid of making the wrong decision. My boss now is very lenient and has been so good to me, but the work is never the same day to day. And there is a lot of down time and I end up on here because I have nothing to do. In the other dept I would have steady repeditive work, which I enjoy. So I took the typing test today and passed. I finally asked my boss for a letter of reference. She said okay. Now this doesn't mean the job is mine. I would still have to interview in front of a panel, which would be stressful. I guess I am just not sure if I am making the right choice to pursue the other job. So I feel your pain. I would tell your friend if I were you. If she is a true friend she will give you her blessings. Good luck.

[Anxious_gal]

don't feel guilty for putting yourself and your family first. if she is mad at you it will just show that she is being selfish.

[kendo59]

The fact that your friend hasn't mentioned the job for a while, and has been dropping hints that you should get better before thinking about the job, etc... sounds like she has perhaps had second thoughts about hiring you and is putting off offering you the job.

Your friend won't be expecting you to sit around waiting for something to happen with her business or not. She'll understand your need to get a job now, and to grab a good opportunity when it comes up.

You need to do what is right for you NOW, not wait around indefinitely for her to let you know what is going on.