CrazyAndy
20-09-08, 03:37
I alread introduced myself last night, but didnt do that great of a job. this is going to be long and boring but i need to get it off my chest. I was in the Army (2003-2005), and i was discharged for having OCD. (the army was my passion) they didnt give me a medical discharge, they gave me a uncharacterized discharge which only means i served less than 180 days on acive duty (i was in the guard). (It really should have been medical, and i am still appealing it) During this time, i was also in my junior year of college. I started doing really well with only therapy, and then started having obsessive thoughts and doing my routines again, and became axious all of the sudden. I talked to my girlfriend and she told me to just try the medication to see how it works. (Winter 2007) I did, and felt a little bit better.. The doctor came to the conclusion that not only do i have ocd, i am also semi bi polar, manic, depressed, and anxious. So whatever...it made me feel like less of a person knowing that i would be taking more medication (zoloft, lamictal, and clomazapam). Anyway, in june i went on a 5 week trip to Israel, Jorden, and Egypt. I went a little crazy there i am not going to lie. I am really not supposed to drink, but i do anyway and i know i am a retard for it. As i was there i started to become convinced my girlfriend was cheating on me and we were losing touch, and everything was turning in to mush. I went off my meds went even more crazy i was manic, depressed, anxious, moody, and everything else under the sun. On top of that i was extremley sick. To make a long story short, i ended up coming back home a little early because of my sickness, and i was going a little nuts over there. And by the way, traveling in egypt will make anyone go crazy, so dont say i didnt warn you. ok, so i came back home and everything was diffenent between my girlfriend and I. Again, i was not thinking, and acting out of impulse so i cut myself. that was the first time i have ever done that. i never thought i was capable, but i did. i made a vow that i would never do it again. i went and talked to some friends, and waited everythign out, and now everythign is fiine, and we are living together. I am extremley anal and moody, but i keep it under control do i dont piss her off to much. I have also learned to relax around the house and not make everything perfect. Next in my story is my drinking. i never drink to much because it upsets my brain and makes my symptoms worse for the next couple of days, and i sometimes do really dumb things. I have realized that every time i drink, i have the potential to really forget about my therapy and not do the right thing. i had a little episode last week, and i am not using any of my mental disorders as a cruch, but it was a manic week where i was not thinking and i did one thing after another after another. I all of the sudden decided to smoke pot which I NEVER do. I called up my friend and told him i wanted to get high. After that i felt like s**t. Later that week i drank with some friends and went completley overboard and ended up getting thrown in jail for disturbing the peace. This is not like me, and it will never happen again. So all of these things have made me extremley anxious...especially the jail part. I wont be relieved of anziety until my court date is over and the lawyer seals my record. Now, i am out of my anxiety medication, and i feel like i am back at square one, once again. The dreams are back, i dont feel like being around people, i am depressed, i wake up thinking horrible things....and yada yada yada. anyway, sorry it was so long, and i am sure most of you are just like me and have a story of your own, but thanks for reading.
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