What will happen tomorrow?

[Quiet-Lift]

Hello out there:huh:

I've had a very unproductive weekend and tomorrow morning I have an appointment with my Psychiatrist which I'm really worried about. I'm concerned that I might find myself hospitalised or something worse ( which I dare not try to articulate ).

I've spent much of the weekend in bed and don't know if the lethargy and apathy I'm feeling is because of the medication I've been taking for the past few weeks or a natural result of being depressed.

My flat is becoming untidy and I've become frightened of going out again. I can manage to go to places where I've been before but anywhere new ( especially if it involves something I haven't done before or for a long time ) and my anxiety level becomes alarmingly high.

The strange thing is, I have managed to go out and do a few things over the past few days (shopping), but I can't seem to build on what I've achieved and experience setbacks which plunge me into despair.

I know I should be planning for tomorrow and doing my chores in the flat, but I'm finding it really hard to concentrate on doing things like cleaning the kitchen floor and sorting out correspondence or even reading a self-help book. I find it so hard to concentrate and my mind seems to wander over past hurts and failures, the darkest and most morbid thoughts I could do without and a nagging belief that I am not trying hard enough to get more help.

Sorry for going on. I don't know if anyone else would either want to or know how to respond to this. Can anyone relate to any of this? If you've had any kind of similar experience and managed to move forward I'd really like to know how.

Has anyone ever made use of Samaritans? I send them emails sometimes but I can't bring myself to phone.

Everything starts becoming a bit unreal when I spend so much time alone but at the same time I'm wary of approaching others in a social context.:shrug:

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I'm feeling low as you can probably tell, so it's not very optimistic or humorous.

Best wishes

[Mudskipper]

Hi

Yes I can relate to all of that. In my worst moments I have literally not moved off the sofa except to go to the toilet and maybe fetch a drink. Housework? Forget it. Eating? Just not hungry. I love books but I couldn't even think about concentating on reading. I can't offer you any permanent solutions as I've always found my situation to be something of a rollercoaster, only with more lows than highs this year anyway, but there are ways out if only for a while. Are you on meds? I'm on Prozac and it does work but it takes time. As for the Samaritans, well they're limited as to what help they can offer, but try ringing them. The one thing they will do is go on listening for as long as it takes, so if it takes a while to get up the courage to actually speak, they'll still be there.

Take care

:hugs:

[freakedout]

Hi Allan,

Sorry you are feeling so low, it is extremely difficult to motivate yourself when you feel as you do but it is a classic symptom of depression.

Will your appointment tomorrow be you first one with a psychiatrist? Is it at home? At my first appointment I was asked about what my problems were and how they affected me on a day to day basis, when they started etc.. I was briefly asked about whether there is any family history of psychiatric problems, any past medical history and a bit about my current family/work circumstances etc.. There were no physical examinations, just questions to answer, I was very anxious and very depressed at the time too. The psychiatrist I saw was a very nice lady and acknowledged that I was very anxious.

Before I went I had written a few questions down that I wanted to ask. I cannot concentrate too well when I am very anxious but wanted to know my diagnosis, prognosis, the treatment options etc.


I know I should be planning for tomorrow and doing my chores in the flat, but I'm finding it really hard to concentrate on doing things like cleaning the kitchen floor and sorting out correspondence or even reading a self-help book. I find it so hard to concentrate and my mind seems to wander over past hurts and failures, the darkest and most morbid thoughts I could do without and a nagging belief that I am not trying hard enough to get more help.This is very similar to how I have felt on and off and not only do you feel so low, but you feel guilty too. Try to describe these feelings at your appointment tomorrow.

Please don't apologise for 'going on', it sometimes helps to get things off your chest, and there are people here who can relate to what you feel. I get very frustrated when people do not seem to understand me but I do find some comfort when others do understand and relate to my problems.

I have never called the Samaritans, although I have a crisis team contact number if I should need emergancy support. I have often thought about calling them when I have felt very low and total despair but am afraid of what the consequences may be, I am very afraid of being admitted to hospital.

There is nothing I can say that will make you feel any better, and I have little advice but I know when I have felt so bad in the past it does pass eventually, although at the time it feels as though it never will. I wish you luck with your appointment tomorrow, I hope that you get the help and support that you need.

Take Care Allan, and sorry if I said anything you wish I hadn't.

Freaky

[Quiet-Lift]

Hi Freaky:)

Thanks for replying. You don't need to apologise for anything you said. It's a comfort to know there are others who have or are experiencing anything remotely similar to what i described in my original post.

It's not my first appointment with the Psychiatrist. In fact I've been seeing him for quite a few years now. He's a good humanitarian man but I guess there is only so much he can do with his busy work schedule and only so much time he can allocate to me.


I have never called the Samaritans, although I have a crisis team contact number if I should need emergancy support. I have often thought about calling them when I have felt very low and total despair but am afraid of what the consequences may be, I am very afraid of being admitted to hospital

I think I can understand what you mean here. Like you, I'm concerned about the way that professionals might act. I'm very worried about losing all self-control and allowing them to carry out decisions based on what they believe are my best interests. I've been in hospital on two occasions, but this was in my early Twenties and another hospitalisation would be a backward step for me. Perhaps you don't want to turn your despair into an emergency because you might regret any decisions made.

At least you have that crisis team number though. Don't lose it.:lac:

I'll have to sign off now. It's late and I'm a bit weary.

Really appreciate the effort you made. Take care:hugs:

[Quiet-Lift]

Hi Mudskipper:)

Thanks for you response. I'm on Paroxetine ( or Seroxat as it's also known ) and Propranolol for anxiety. It only helps with the physical symptoms though. It doesn't help to deal with negative thought patterns and disturbing memories, so at present I'm finding certain tasks really difficult.

Thanks for your comments about Samaritans. I realise they can only do so much but it's nice to know they are available if I really just can't bear being in my own head any more.
I hope I do give them a go eventually. It might be more helpful than talking to myself.:blush:

I'm glad the Prozac helps you. I've only been taking Seroxat for about three weeks (after a one month abstinence) and I know it will help to lift my mood eventually.

All the best. Take Care.:hugs:

[freakedout]

Hi Allan,

I just wanted to wish you well at your appointment today.

I hope you are having a better day, although I know these problems will not lift overnight. Keep hanging on in there.

Take care,

Freaky

[Quiet-Lift]

Hi Freaky:)

Many thanks for your concern. My appointment didn't go too badly thanks. I may be getting some more support from someone at the CMHT for a few weeks.

I'm glad to say I did have a fairly good day. Went to Kew Gardens and stayed away from my bed even though I only got an hour of sleep last night.

You're quite right when you say that these personal problems, developed over a lifetime, won't suddenly vanish overnight. But it's nice to know that the relentless nature of depression can be overcome, if only briefly at times.

You'll have to let me know how life is treating you. If you want to of course. No pressure on your part.

Best wishes and you keep hanging in there as well:)

[freakedout]

Hi Allan


Many thanks for your concern. My appointment didn't go too badly thanks. I may be getting some more support from someone at the CMHT for a few weeks. You're welcome! I managed to get some support from the CMHT thanks to my psychiatrist, although my CPN has few answers she is a great support in other ways, and some days she is the factor that motivates me to wash my hair!


Went to Kew Gardens and stayed away from my bed even though I only got an hour of sleep last night.Oh I love Kew Gardens although I have only been once about 25 years ago!! You did well to go despite your lack of sleep.


You'll have to let me know how life is treating you. If you want to of course. No pressure on your part.Oh me, I am boring! I am actually not too bad at the moment, although that can change at anytime. I am lucky to have good spells, although they tend to be shortlived. I hoped to have my antidepressants changed last week at my appointment, but I have to continue with them. They do help me sleep and they also give me an appetite so they are obviously doing some good but I still feel very low often, despair even, like you with the Samaritans, I am the same with my crisis team, do I ring or not? Anyway I am making the most of feeling quite good so I will not dwell on that.

I hope you are doing ok.

Take care,

Freaky

[Quiet-Lift]

Hi Freaky:)

Ah yes. The CPN. Workhorse of the Mental Health System! I'm glad that yours helps in some way even if she only forces you to wash your hair. (I'm sure you must realise how important it is to keep up with personal hygiene anyway. I know that I'm backsliding when I don't wash my hair for a week!).:lac:

Kew Gardens is still probably pretty much the same as when you went there 25 years ago, apart from a few new glasshouses.It's not 1p to get in anymore though. More like 7 or 8 pounds! I have a season ticket and try to go once a month if I can.

I'm glad you are not too bad at the moment. Hang on to feeling good as long as you can. Nice to know your meds help you in some ways.I find it's a real nuisance having to take them, but so is feeling depressed. A question of the lesser of two evils methinks. I also asked my Psychiatrist for a change but he decided I should stick with what I'm taking for the next couple of months.

Hey, you can't be more boring than me! The cashier's eyes glaze over when I go to the checkout at the Supermarket!:doh:

Take care and best wishes:hugs:

[keepemlaughing]

Listening to your conversation, I would say you both had wonderful encouraging things to say to one another! I hope that you are feeling better. At least you are getting out of your house. When I am down, I don't want to leave my bedroom. My psychiatrist insists that I continue my meds even when I am not sure they work. Well, this doesn't help much, but I wanted to wish you my best.
Sheryl

[Bill]

Hello Allan,

I'm sorry, I should have replied to your thread sooner after all the posts you've written in my thread to support me for which I am very grateful to you.

I've had a quick look at your previous posts to try and find out more about your situation. I think I can understand how you must be feeling because although I have my wife to care for, I do still very isolated and alone.

I used to talk to the Samaritans during my bad spell. I would send them emails or talk to them on the phone but I would have to repeat my story because I was always talking to different people and of course they couldn't help me with my actual situation.

I've read that are planning on going to a writing class. It sounds a great idea! I think the worst thing we can do is stay within 4 walls every day. We need a change of scenery and things to look forward to.

I must admit I hate crowds and trying to talk in a crowd but I've found joining my bowls club was one of the best things I did because it gives me an outlet away from my frustrations and I can mix with people, even if they are all elderly, but because I'm actually playing a sport, I'm not conscious of being in a crowd.

Other things I did to help myself were delivering meals on wheels and joining the Red Cross helping out with delivering equipment. I also joined a stroke club in the hospital to help stroke victims. All these things helped to give me purpose. I'm sure it was the voluntary work that helped me to regain my confidence to find my job in the hospital.

I tried to set up a local anxiety group but being a small place, there weren't enough people to make it viable. However, I did attend groups run by the mental health team.

My wife has a cpn but she only visits monthly. They couldn't provide her with the help she really needed so I joined a scheme whereby social services pay us to pay helpers to take her out. It's made a huge difference to her because she has made frinds of her own and has places to visit with them.

I'm not sure if any of the above really helps but I do think it's important to get out and mix so that we don't sit in alone and think too much.

By the way, I've Never found what you've said boring!!! Quite the contrary in fact and so I'm sure alot of people would enjoy conversations with you! They just need to get to know you! :)

[Quiet-Lift]

Hi Sheryl:)

I only have a flat, not a house. Sorry to hear you spend so much time in the bedroom when your feeling really low. With me it's the kitchen. but sometimes I do hit the bed for much longer than I should. Maybe I feel safe there.

I too have mixed feelings about meds. I don't know what you are taking but with anti-depressants you do have to give them a few weeks to work as I'm sure you know.
The problem is, they don't work miracles. Maybe you need to find the right one that works for you?

It's a trade-off. What do you prefer? Trying to cope with the pain of being depressed or putting up with any side-effects from the meds for some relief.

Best wishes

[Quiet-Lift]

Hi Bill

Thanks for replying. Apologies for the delay in my response. Sometimes I get weary and a little lazy and find writing hard work. You don't have to feel obliged to answer my posts just because I've contributed to yours, but I appreciate it anyway.:)

I'm really impressed with what you told me about all the voluntary work you've done and the help you've managed to get for your wife. You've done all the right things as far as I'm concerned. You get out there and mix with people by helping them.

I have sent emails to Samaritans but haven't phoned them for a long time. I do agree that having to repeat your story to a different person must get tedious and time consuming, and as you say, they don't offer advice but only listen.

I think Voluntary Work could provide some of the solution to my difficulties. When depressed I become very self-absorbed and insular. Perhaps caring for others and looking after some of their needs, as you have done and continue to do, may help me to forget some of my worries and become more confident.

Sorry to hear that your anxiety group didn't get far. Well done for trying though. I'm not much of an organiser and as much as I'd like to think I could join the crusade and start one up, the pressure might disagree with me.

Hey, I'm glad you don't find what I say boring. But sometimes I do. That's what comes from spending so much time alone. We need other minds to engage with otherwise we get that double-glazed look? Not only that, we get a bit squeaky when our cheese starts slipping off it's cracker...oops, getting a bit silly now.:blush:

Very kind what you said at the end. I Hope you're feeling a bit better now after the rage incident. It's a nuisance isn't it? I don't like to cause upset either but sometimes it just can't be helped. I realise how cruel I may have been and can only hope that the other party may be able to forgive me.

Best wishes

[Bill]

Allan,

You've been very kind to me so I'm very happy to offer what I think might help in return.:)

A couple of thoughts. You say in an earlier post that LMHT may be offering you more support. If they do, make full use of them by thinking of things "you" would really like from them to help you feel better and get them to help you put them into action. For instance, do they have any anxiety groups you could attend? Could they provide you with someone to go out with you to a club or something you'd enjoy doing? Do they know of any charities in need of help that you could provide and enjoy dong?

Have you also tried looking in the papers?

I know it's often difficult to find the motivation for ourselves but if you got someone to go with you to support you at first, maybe it'd be a stepping stone for you.

Have you got MIND near you? They may be able to offer advice And support.

The advantage of voluntary work is that there's no pressure. If you don't feel up to helping one day, you don't go in. They understand because they're just grateful for the help.

Sometimes we know we want to go out and do something, say for just a couple of hours a week, but taking that first step can feel like a mountain but if we can get someone to support us, we then find it much easier to help ourselves.

Think of what you would Really enjoy doing if you had support and aim for that goal by working out what you need to achieve it.

I honestly feel that if you can find something you enjoy that doesn't cause you stress, even for an hour or 2 a week to begin with, whether it's a club of some kind or voluntary work, you'd make new friends and it would really help to improve your mood and ease your anxiety. It really helped me.:)

[Quiet-Lift]

Hi Bill:)

Many thanks for your suggestions. I've taken them all on board and will do my best to try and implement some of them. I do have a local MIND office and could approach them to see what is available. I also need to push a few people in my CMHT because they can be very slack sometimes.

One good thing to report is that my Writing For Children class went really well and I hope this continues. One thing I've always believed is that it's a good idea to do something which doesn't fall into the category of 'Mental Health Support'. Just to add some contrast.

Your time and efforts are much appreciated. I can be a bit stubborn sometimes and don't make enough effort when it comes to taking risks and doing something new. As much as my mind tells me that there is nothing to be afraid of, when the time comes to take the plunge, my body tells me otherwise. I guess that's why I've never learned to swim or drive.:unsure:

Hope everything is swimming at your end.

Best wishes to you and your wife