View Full Version : existential terror/anxiety/depression or death anxiety
befuddled1
22-09-08, 09:53
Whatever you want to call it I basically have this fear that overwhelms me and I feel it is going to ruin my whole life.
I have thought far too hard about mortality and existence, trying to find a way out of the fear but it has left me with the only answer being to do my best to forget. This does not satisfy me, the horror or meaninglessness of things just resurfaces at times when I really don't need it. It's ruining my life and may ruin my life right until it comes to an end (I have trouble typing that). I need to get past this, I need to so much. I need to find a better way to deal with it.
I fear that it is actually taboo to talk about it, that others feel like this and that not talking about it is how they deal with it, and that my talking about it will only make them feel worse.
Does anyone know if there's any sort of therapy that can help me with this? I can't go on this way, although I have no option. I don't want to have to drag myself out of reality in order to live my life.
I don't know if this has made much sense. It's hard to explain without going in depth into all my thoughts on it and I can't do this here.
Basically I can't live my life while having this awareness that ultimately things don't make sense and it's all random and meaningless. This stems from thoughts in childhood, where I promised myself that I would never let death happen, and that I would make sure to slow time down.
I need to get help with this if I can. Does anyone know anything that can help this sort of specific problem?
I don't really know what can help you through this unfortunately but if it gives you any support then sometimes I have thoughts that depress me about death etc.I lost my father way back in 1978 when I was 11 yrs oldI am 41 now) and I still haven't got over it which I think is the crux of my anxiety problems.I had a very strange childhood as I was always a highly strung child and always seemed jittery and anxious(my familys perceptions!)I was loved and cherished which is great but I always felt as though something bad was going to happen and hey presto it did when my dad died but life does go on and it must,I miss him terribly but in a way he was to blame for his own demise as he drank,smoked and worked too hard so really it was a recipe for disaster.
Regarding the thoughts on feeling things are meaningless then I think it may have something to do with a persons own religious beliefs.I watched a film last night and it is a love story about the writer C.S.Lewis and it examines our belief in life etc,and there is one line in the film that always sticks in my mind and it is this "Pain is part of the happiness now" we all know that life causes us pain but we need to experience it so we can learn from it and move on,our responses to problems are what shapes us and makes us who we are,in childhood we are happy with our nursery and toys but something drives us out of our nursery and into the world of others and problems associated with it,we have to live our lives always with the notion of death at the end but we won't know much about it I am sure and even if we do I am convinced that we will be in a state of really not caring at that stage.Please don't live your life this way,there is so much going for all of us these days,there is so much to live for and growing older is part of the big plan.My father didn't live to see me grow up and he hasn't seen his grandaughter either which is so sad,he always lived his life to the full and always said he would live to a 100 but this wasn't in his destiny but us that are left can live our lives happy in the knowledge that we have at least knew him and spent some time with him.You sound like a person who thinks a lot maybe too much and I know I do and I have been trying to stop it lately as I know that my life is very important and I must enjoy myself while I am here at any age.Go and see your doctor if you find you cannot manage your thoughts on this and I am sure he/she will try and help you,good luck and take care.
Hello - I can relate to some of your thoughts, although I don't think about it a lot. It is something that I purposely stop myself thinking about because it freaks me out - and I know friends who do the same thing. I think everyone, (who is not religious perhaps?), has these thoughts from time to time.
There is such a thing called Existential Psychotherapy, which I think works through the exact issues you have described. I did a quick search on the net and found this: http://www.existentialpsychotherapy.net/. I'm not endorsing this site, as I know nothing about it, but it might be a starting point for you?
xx
i know exactly what you you are talking about. i had to go on cymbalta because i developed extreme anxiety and panic after my baby was born but for weeks i was constantly thinking about that and could not get over wondering what is even the point of all this. the cymbalta has helped my block that thinking and live life but i still have the general icky anxiety coming in waves. that thinking was on of the worst things though
Hi Befuddled
you sound intensely aware of mortality at the moment. I think everyone goes through this at some stage. something happens and all of a sudden we become aware that we will die one day and so will those around us. It can be traumatic and scarey but the reality is befuddled we have no control over it and can't change it. No one can do this. So we live our lives and get on with it, but then you find yourself questioning the point of it all.
Well, what is the point of it all.
Life isnt meaningless it is a journey and an experience all by itself. We as humans dont have the capacity to work out or understand the all wonderous workings and why's of this universe, but what we do have is the ability to make choices about our own life experience.
You have been given a gift what do you want to do with it? The choice befuddled is yours. rather than think what is the point, try to think about how you are going to use it the time you have.
It's not depressing to think like this befuddled its liberating. you let it go and get on with the task in hand.
Pooh xxxxx
I have the same fears and the same feelings as you have had for most of my life (46) the older i get the worse it seams to be the advice from some of the other poster is right we can do nothing as death is part of life but it is very hard to get your head round this my fears seam to extend to other things fear of getting old ( old ageis repulsive to me and i feel really bad to admit that) health fear(cancer) at one time i seamed to have a fear of every thing i had cbt for a year finishing in june it did help alittle but my fears of death/illness is still with me i am fighting it all the time it wears you out but you have to keep at it my father is the same he does not try to fight it he just lets it take him over we must make sure we do not pass it down to our children my sons only know mum is a worrier and we laugh about is some thing struck me just yesterday I am so frightened of death i am not living wer must keep up our fight against this thing and it helps to know that we are not on our own
keepemlaughing
23-09-08, 16:18
This is where faith in God has saved me. I know without a doubt that there is a heaven and I will be there when I die. If you have nothing to believe in, what is the point of living?
I will say a prayer for you and I hope that you feel better soon.
Sheryl
Captain America
23-09-08, 18:31
i envy religous people for this very reason. something my counselor wants to do with me is to explore the whole death thing, to play it out to its conclusion in an almost role playing type of scenario. i have to write letters to my family, for a start. i started doing that and it was awful. it's like i told her, the randomness of it all gets to me.
part of overcoming anxiety is accepting that we make decisions, and those decisions may have tragic consequences. using hindsight, i can lament smoking and drinking and the effect it had on my health, but who's to say that one of those nights i was out at the bar behaving badly, i might not have been in a car accident on my way to a movie?
i guess with that thought comes the realization that tragedy and death, etc, are part of the living process. that now is all that really matters and the best thing we can do is hedge our bets for the future by trying to behave too recklessly.
while this type of thinking has not helped as much for finding meaning in it all, it has at least taken the edge off my day to day stuggle.
i'll let you know how 'death therapy' goes for me.
befuddled1
24-09-08, 00:49
Hi Befuddled
you sound intensely aware of mortality at the moment. I think everyone goes through this at some stage.
Life isnt meaningless it is a journey and an experience all by itself. We as humans dont have the capacity to work out or understand the all wonderous workings and why's of this universe, but what we do have is the ability to make choices about our own life experience.
Hi Pooh!
'intensely aware' is a really good way to put it. However, I find it hard to believe everyone goes through what I do as I think, I hope, people would speak about these things more if they did. when this happens to me everything becomes meaningless and I feel utterly trapped in the world. It is as if things might as well be a dream, they don't feel real. It is something that recurs in my life and I fear it getting worse as I get older, this is why I want to seek help with it, if there is such a thing. I cannot overcome the problem but if I can become able to have more control over or change the emotion around it, it might really help. Thanks very much Pooh because I did find your message very hopeful, and also thinking that these things are beyond my understanding as a human is one way I do find some comfort.
Thanks very much for all your messages. Sometimes I feel very alone in this and it's good to know some people experience similar.
I am feeling a bit better tonight though still having thoughts pop into my head when I try to think about the future that remind me I may not be here then so I should be careful in thinking about it. These thoughts are not helpful, and make it hard to do anything that is about the future (which is a lot of stuff we do!).
Hey, befuddled, you are not alone!
I too suffer from existential terror. I just have to try to shut it out, and think, like dear Dame Julie Andrews, about my Favourite Things.
When it does strike you, it's bloody terrifying. No-one seems to be as bothered about it as I am - I ask friends, and they don't seem to get it.
And for me it's not about the fear of dying - it's a total, terrifying bafflement about the reason for reality. What is the reason for reality? Why does everything exist? What is the purpose of the endless cycle of life and death? The idea that a seed becomes a tomato, endlessly, etc, becomes terrifyingly abstract and terrifying to me. The idea of sex is plain bizarre - pumping and grinding - the insistence of the life force endlessly making itself felt at all costs. All the usual questions... How small is infinitely small - can they spit an atom in half, then again, and again, infinitely? And what about the infinitely vast? Eternity? Etc. etc. - all stuff we've all thought about as children, but seem to be able to shrug off - well, I can't laugh it off like most people: 'Ah, we're just not meant to undertand all that stuff... now shut up, I'm watching Coronation Street'. How can they watch Coronation Street when such questions exist? The feeling of engulfing terror created by these thoughts feels enough to send me stark raving bonkers.
The questions are so abstract that it feels as though my mind is going to implode if I think about it too much, and I'm going to go insane with it. I just have to force myself to think about fun things like Cary Grant films or the comics characters I loved as a child, and the feeling passes. But it's always there lurking - and it's lurking there increasingly, these days. It is truly terrifying.
But I think forcing myself to think of something else is the only solution - because no-one else knows the answers to those questions. It's not something you can take a pill for!
Apparently Jean Paul Sartre wrote a novel about it, called Nausea, which I'm gonna get. Another person's thoughts on it would be helpful. And he did coin the term, existentialism.
Gah, it's fine! At least no-one else knows the reason for reality: we're all in the same boat! Altogether now: "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens..."
davidallsopp
20-07-10, 11:35
Hi befuddled,
I am convinced that at depressive/anxiety episodes in our lives we find the possibility of life being meaningless to be unbearable. I have felt this even though I am a Christian. I know I should be fine about death but it still scares me.
Most say we have to face down our fears - but I am not sure that staring into the abyss may make the abyss stare back into our souls.
The only solution is to discover meaning and purpose for your existence, this will bring security that you are not here by accident. For me that is God, but whatever you decide, I think there must be a purpose for every part of the universe and that includes you. Some folk don't mind if its all random but for sensitive souls this is a real problem, the very fact that you are worried about it proves that there is something deeper (have to think about that one!)
Plus remember the future is always better than the past, it the only place good things can happen.
Blessings
David
Thumbelina
20-07-10, 12:21
Neil, I think you are a very bright young man and thats why you have all these questions. But unfortunately there are no answers to many of them and if we keep looking for them we will definately go mad. Many of us are trying to find and answer - why we have this condition. But there is no straight answer.
The only way is to accept the facts, live with them and get on with the fun part.
Maybe not the most appropriate thing to say Befuddled but I'm delighted to find someone who thinks the same as me. I too have what I call mortality terrors. I am 37, married with a kid but I sleep with the light on and often wake up or jump up in the night with a shout and have to walk around the room or turn on the TV to calm down. The reality of death just hits me like a hammer and it's like I'm trapped and there's no escape, I'm just hurtling towards nothingness and I cant stop it. I'm studying psychology as a mature student and it has helped. I went to a really good counsellor about it and got the best advice. He encouraged me NOT to run away but jump in there and slug it out. Will that stop the inevitable? Of course not but you have to live your life.
I actually believe what you and I have is not a fear of death but of life. Go out there, live it, do what you love, appreciate how transient it all is and savour it now. I am also an atheist which probably doesn't help matters but I cant sign up to a fairy-tale just because I'm afraid. I wish I could but it's not in me. All I can say is, well done. You dont believe the lie, you are aware and intelligent. Now love what you have. Thats the price.
i was exactly the same, to me it was the worst kind of pain, intuitively knowing that there is no real answer to "why should i even bother going on"
Thankfully i was recommended a video on youtube by a friend on mindfulness. When you begin to see your thoughts as just thoughts you realise that beneath that there is this peacefulness and joy at life.
I've gone from having alot of existential anxiety and depression to now enjoying and commiting myself to enjoying life moment by moment.
here's the youtube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nwwKbM_vJc
good luck!
Hi all, honestly, my heart breaks for people in this thread. I know exactly what you're talking about, because this is the reason I am an anxious person. Yeah I know we all have stress and stuff that can trigger us, but I'm talking about the one true fear that hides in the darkest corner of our souls.
So what the hell do we do? Do we join Private Frazer from Dad's Army and shout "We're doomed, we're doomed" in a Scottish accent every time we think about death? After all, it's the one trial we all face.
Actually, I won't bother with the "We're doomed" stuff. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen, therefore the question is NOT "What's the point of living", but rather "What's the point of worrying about something we can't change?"
How do we KNOW there is nothing after death? Again, using logic and science, there should be nothing - but has anyone ever proven that? What about the energy of human consciousness - energy cannot stop or be destroyed, it can only change state, so Einstein himself acknowledged there is a case for existence after death.
And, if you think about it, what does it really mean to us if we do stop altogether? How is that exactly going to hurt us? I'm reminded of a quote from Angel:
ANGEL: People like you, who don't care about anyone or anything, will never understand the people who do.
HAMILTON: Yeah, but we won't care!
If you think about it... we won't CARE once we are dead.
Now I'm reminded of my all-time favourite quote which has helped me to make a lot of sense of things. It's another one from Angel.
ANGEL: If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do.
Think about that for a minute. That's the kind of twisted yet somehow perfect logic that only a human being could come up with. If our lives are meaningless, we can MAKE them mean something! We were given that ability - we were given that basic fundamental right - when God, or nature, or the forces of the universe chose to elevate the human species.
I could live in a cave my entire life and pass on at the end of it all, having never made a difference to anyone or anything. On the other hand, I could end up carrying someone else's unconscious children out of a burning building, just because I happened to be walking past when their house caught fire.
Yeah, life seems hopeless at times, especially when anxiety and depression - the total, utter enemies of hope - are knocking at the door. But is it really all pointless? If so, why the hell would we be created, and given the gift of great intelligence? Fair enough, for every decent citizen there is a Katie Price bringing down the collective worth of the human species, but the fact is, there are laws and logic which the universe obeys, and no matter how much we surround ourselves with concrete and sit watching reality shows, we are subject to those laws and we can understand that logic.
I guess the long and short of this is, I will never again - not for a single moment - feel that life is pointless or somehow less than worthwhile. I don't give a damn what my anxiety tells me. Anxiety is DESIGNED to make me feel like shit. Sod it, what does its opinion matter? I live with it like I'd live with arthritis.
I am a human being, I was CHOSEN to exist out of billions of possibilities, and the major influence on my life after I was born (for better or for worse) is mine. It's the same for each and every one of you. It's not arrogance to think this: each of us was born with at least one major skill.
My brother, who is severely schizophrenic, has an outstanding sense of humour and is very artistic. He makes the people around him ENJOY THEIR LIVES MORE. I'm a good character writer and I also feel like I was SUPPOSED to spend my life helping people. I've had people tell me I stopped them from committing suicide - how has my life been pointless?
Now all of you, each one, look at your own contributions. Can't find anything? You're either not looking properly, or undervaluing yourself - or if you genuinely haven't done anything, which is highly unlikely, you still have plenty of time to make a difference to the world.
Idstain - I was told the other day by Anxiety UK about "mindfulness" - she said there is a whole industry springing to life around it. I actually forgot about that til I read your post. Thank you.
Thats very encouraging Idstain, Thanks.
Hi,
I too have experienced this kind of existantial terror, and it really prevented me from living my life.
I read Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now and after contemplating his writing had some great periods of freedom from this feeling - felt connected, safe and at home in the world and in myself - a feeling of being the 'witness' they talk about in meditation.
But I still had some troubles and got into 'spirituality' and
after a while ended up giving my power away to a 'guru' after having many blissful and painful emotional experiences which I thought were helping me grow/heal/live my life. When they weren't.
Since then I also had some obvious harmful 'interference' from some kind of energetic force and found some really great techniques on Phillip Goddard's site which I've found effective in clearing some of this existential terror as well. You can find the techniques here:
http://www.clarity-of-being.org/healing.htm
He mentions character types who may be affected by this feeling here which you might identify with.
http://www.clarity-of-being.org/character-structures.htm#mozTocId467023 (http://www.clarity-of-being.org/character-structures.htm#mozTocId467023)
Best of luck
i cant stand the fact and hav safety rituals to avoid at all costs
i wont eat something if i dont like look of it, and wont ever let anyone cook for me or make me a drink.
im continually irritable i hate everyone n i constantly feel dizzy
i think it starter yr after my uncle died then i started gettin really bad last yr(bout a yr after dad died-which i havent got over)
they say if u havnt dealt with something it comes out in difrent ways so maybe same for u tho i cant see any proof as ive had mine for 10yrs and its escalated so bad now i hav severe depression ocd i get anxious n stressd bout the littlest thing and constantly feel detached and dizzy and hate my life.
tried pills therapy hypnotized and i guesss the best way is to do the exposure and response but its so hard wen thats the one thing ur scared of....what if!
Thank you for this fine thread. I was in a personal existential panic when I found this web site and am glad to see that someone has recently added to this thread.
All my life I have been anxious but about something I seldom hear people discuss. I am scared witless by God! I am also scared to death of the idea of living forever. Think about it, yikes! The only relief I've ever had from this problem was during a brief period of time when I was a teenage atheist. Lol, it didn't last.
Another odd thing about me is that all my life I have felt "spirits" around me and have never had any doubt that these were my dead grandma or whoever. Luckily, I've never had anything resembling a bad spirit. They are always quite cheerful and helpful.
I have had several occasions when, under duress of some kind, I have decided to trust that God is good and not out to get me. Every one of those times was lovely but unfortunately my core distrust soon reasserted itself.
Apparently many people in India have a similar dread. The very thought of living one lifetime after another gives them the willies.
I guess we all have the same problem to one extent or another -- nobody likes to feel out of control.
The therapy centre
17-06-12, 01:32
We all are mortal. People deal with their anxieties and fears in different ways. The answers, if any, that you may come to, may be facilitated in a relationship, where the therapist can be present with you in your experiences, and help you reach your own answers. This is called existential therapy, and there are different approaches in America and Europe. It's important you find a therapist you can relate to regardless of approach, and who is person-centred and respectful enough not to give you answers but to help you find answers which are genuine and true for you.
Your awareness about making a pact with yourself as a child, of not dying, and slowing time down, is important too; and there are questions which can help you explore your own realities and find whatever foundation of truth is within you.
:noangel::yahoo:
---------- Post added at 06:10 ---------- Previous post was at 06:09 ----------
:yesyes::shrug:
Personally I find it quite comforting that once you die that's it, nothingness doesn't scare me as I know I will not exist to experience it.
No heaven, no hell, no eternal existence which could suck.
I guess that is a good advantage of being an atheist :)
I am glad somebody bumped this up, as I wouldn't have seen it otherwise. This is one of my main sources of much of my distress and really got bad once my mom passed away. I've gone through therapy, EMDR, etc but still this terror exists. I read a book by Yalom called Staring at the Sun, about death anxiety, and I know that is what I am battling and think my health anxiety plays a role.
For me, I am an atheist and not for lack of trying to believe. I wish I could believe in something greater but simply cannot anymore at this point. For me, I am coming to a point where I am trying to accept what life is and is not and be able to enjoy it, but it is so hard when I look at the people I love and know I will lose them some day or vice versa, and all the terrible things that eventually happen. My mom died of cancer, a horrible way to go, and just terrifies me that my other loved ones or myself will go through that.
So I guess I have trouble being able to be happy in spite of what life is and is not. I don't believe in an afterlife, so I know nothing will matter once I am dead, but that in and of itself is sad to me. I am sad to know one day this will all be gone and I won't even know I existed. I think I'm thinking too much about it but once you have gone there mentally it is very hard to go back.
Anyway sorry for the depressing post, but I was happy to see I am not the only one with this fear. I mean I am sad that others have come to this conclusion as well, as it is very difficult to live with. But i feel a bit less alone.
I'm still suffering from this too, though not as bad because I know it's just intrusive thoughts now. I get overwhelmed by the enormity of existence. And the fact I exist. Someone times I get a jolting feeling when I remember that I exist. Isn't that wierd? In panic attacks it all gets overwhelming and my mind seems to spread over the whole of existence looking for answers. Then, mixed with a cocktail of derealization and dizziness it's all too much. I don't get why everyone doesn't think this way when I'm having the thoughts.
Isn't it quite hard to be an atheist in America SWGRL90?
I've always had the impression atheists are not looked on kindly in America?
im the same i have this death anxiety it scares the hell out of me ever since my Grandad died when i was a little girl i developed the fear of dying and it has gotten worse over the last few years not a day goes by were im not anxious about death i hate it i know if i didnt fear it so much i wouldnt have panic and anxiety this bad, i hope theres an afterlife where we can meet up with are loved ones again but i hate the thought of not existing no more wish i could get rid of these horrible scary thoughts :shrug:
I have been dealing with all the same stuff as mentioned on here. And I'm an atheist too :-)
What frustrates me the most is that I can't seem to turn it around and use it as a positive thing: if I know i'm going to die, why can't I just stop worrying about everything and just enjoy the moment I am in!!
So in a way the death anxiety gives me anxiety about why I can't get rid of my anxiety, ugh ;-)
shotokansho
20-06-12, 20:35
Hey there. I have these thoughts a lot too, but as someone else mentioned, I try to push it out because it does freak me out, to the point that I start hyperventilating.
It starts when I start thinking about age, like I am almost 35, and I know to a lot of people say that's young, but then I start estimating how long I may have left. I am terrified of getting old, so frightened of being old that I panic over the thoughts. Then the thoughts gradually have me thinking about my death and that I definately can't deal with. I think it's the fear of the un-known, There are so many different views and myths about what happens when we die, it can make me very confused.
You are not alone on this, lots of people feel this way from time to time. I'm affraid I can't help much with this but I'm glad there are lots of others who can offer you some advice. I hope you are feeling better soon.
Kez xx
Wow, it is comforting to know I am not the only one with these thoughts. Nobody I explain it to seems to get it. I explained it to my fiance and he said that it sounds like a very sad way to live and wished I didn't have to think these thoughts. I said - you and me both.
To answer the question about atheism, I have found that the way others view atheism in my experience depends on the generation. I am 23 years old, and find a lot of people in my generation are more accepting of it. But I work with elderly people, and find that often times both middle-aged people and elderly people seem more critical of atheism ... it's not like I am gothic or anti-god or anything, simply don't believe and can't anymore. I wish I could honestly. I know we have people of all ages here and I don't mean to generalize that certain age groups hate atheism, so I hope nobody takes it that way. I just have noticed it being more accepted in younger generations at least around where I live.
I have been told by people that people my age claim to be atheists are just lazy spiritually, but that is definitely not the case. I have probably worked harder than a lot of people in analyzing what I believe and how I feel, it's been quite a frustrating journey and quite the opposite of lazy, so sometimes that bothers me.
I don't mind what anybody believes or doesn't believe... whatever makes you happy/comfortable and doesn't hurt others, go for it.
Had to laugh.
I am predominantly Buddhist. That is very spiritual belief system. I feel that before this when I was predominantly Christian I would just believe Christianity and nothing else. In hindsight that was incredibly lazy of me. Just accept my countries main religion. I then went to find and explore atheism and agnosticism and all the other beliefs that don't have a supernatural influence. Ignorance is not examining all the beliefs including science. I now feel much more comfortable in believing that I am responsible for how I see the world and that only I can make myself happy. I have very strong moralistic views and care more for all living creatures I don't feel a need to feel superior to all other living creatures. Don't just believe what you know, explore don't be lazy and if you settle on Atheist beliefs then that's fine just ensure you examine all aspects of each so you can feel you are happy with what you believe.
Mee
I wish I was Buddhist. Buddhists are so happy.
Mee,
I have been back and forth with Buddhism over the last few years. My recent bout with anxiety came while I was getting much more in depth with Buddhism. Now I have stopped meditating and have lost much of my focus on the present moment in exchange for desperately trying to manage my anxiety. I really want to get back to where I was with Buddhism (I refer to myself as an Athiest because Buddhism to me is more of a philosophy :winks:).
Any tips or advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated (I assume that since you are on here you have dealt with anxiety).
Thanks,
April
littleredhen
21-06-12, 11:31
interesting thread.
I feel like this too.
I have never been able to articulate it though. I feel that life is totally pointless and I am just awaiting death. I am not afraid of death - i wish for it every day. This makes it hard to talk about because people think that I'm talking about committing suicide. I am not talking about suicide because I do acknowledge that I am the sick one with these thoughts and that not everyone feels like it and therefore IF i were to commit suicide the impact on those people who I know love me would be terrible and I won't do it to them. BUT i do wish for a quick and soon death just to get it all over and done with. I often fantasise about being murdered or squashed in a road accident - something quick and painless. Sure it would be hard for my family, but ultimately they would accept it and wouldn't blame me.
Anyway - at times, i feel completely detached from the world and just feel like I am standing still watching it all unfold before me like a movie. When i was a kid, I used to be convinced that I could control time and flit back and forth to the beginning of time and watch it begin, and then I would be able to flit to the end and watch the credits roll.
I remember reading a story in a girls' comic from the Seventies (called Misty http://mistycomic.co.uk/Misty.html) about a girl who wished she could live for ever and the wish was granted. But what happened was that her life just slowed down until she became like a statue and watched the whole of the future unfold until the end of the world and then restart again until the point was reached where she saw herself again about to make the same wish....
it was truely a terrifying story and it has stayed with me for nearly 30 years! Now I'm I wonder how much of my anx/panic/depression is rooted in this silly story?
My first take is that you are suffering from depression (not a dr, so not diagnosing here, just a possibilty). I get very 'thoughtfilled' when I get depressed, questioning everything, including existence. And I too, am a Christian, and too believe in life after death through Jesus Christ. However, that belief can still be overridden in my mind when anxiety and depression set in (they often go hand in hand). Anxiety is an incredibly power thing. I know God hasn't strayed from me just because I have these doubts. Anxiety is a medical condition. So deep down I still know I am saved, in spite of the doubts and questioning. I have been told by many that I think waaay to much about everything. This sounds like you as well. I like to think that this makes me a problem solver in the work place, excellent organizational skills, creative. However....it also has it's dark side as well....we overthink everything. See if you can find something at work or home that requires a great amount of mental skills to work on. When I'm like this, I have a hard time doing the routine mindless stuff...my mind has too much time to wander. I need my mind focused on something difficult that requires lots of concentration. Sort of like how one excercises to blow off built up energy! And of course, there's always Cary Grant!!
Wow, it is comforting to know I am not the only one with these thoughts. Nobody I explain it to seems to get it. I explained it to my fiance and he said that it sounds like a very sad way to live and wished I didn't have to think these thoughts. I said - you and me both.
To answer the question about atheism, I have found that the way others view atheism in my experience depends on the generation. I am 23 years old, and find a lot of people in my generation are more accepting of it. But I work with elderly people, and find that often times both middle-aged people and elderly people seem more critical of atheism ... it's not like I am gothic or anti-god or anything, simply don't believe and can't anymore. I wish I could honestly. I know we have people of all ages here and I don't mean to generalize that certain age groups hate atheism, so I hope nobody takes it that way. I just have noticed it being more accepted in younger generations at least around where I live.
I have been told by people that people my age claim to be atheists are just lazy spiritually, but that is definitely not the case. I have probably worked harder than a lot of people in analyzing what I believe and how I feel, it's been quite a frustrating journey and quite the opposite of lazy, so sometimes that bothers me.
I don't mind what anybody believes or doesn't believe... whatever makes you happy/comfortable and doesn't hurt others, go for it.
That is good to hear, Watching fox news gives the impression atheists are a hated bunch, not that a watch fox news for anything more than a laugh :D
Personally I was raised in a christian home but I knew from an early age that religion didn't fit my logic or logic in general.
I do believe in belief though, A belief is a powerful thing and can get people through life and I think that's something religion is really good for.
I think you need to find something to believe in.
Buddhists believe that it's a good thing to die and not be reborn to suffer in this world over and over.
Many beliefs surround themselves around the idea of having a better life after this one, or an after life.
And some people who believe that there's nothing after death just think that "Well, I'll be dead so I won't know that I'm dead."
There are so many things that people worry about in life, death is the time when you can be free of those things. Focus on leaving behind a good name for yourself, being remembered nicely and doing all the things you want to do. Then you should have no regrets and therefore no fear of death.
If your anxiety continues maybe try some natural remedies to calm your mind.
Good luck :) xx
Sorry to bump a very old thread, but this is one of the most relevant things that came up on Google, and I really desperately want to know if there is help out there. I can't continue living with this.
I have struggled with thanatophobia or existential death anxiety since I was about 6 years old, I would lay in bed at night sobbing to my Dad about how I don't want to grow old and die, and didn't want him to grow old and die. The exact same fear I hold to this day, at 24 years old. I've always laid in bed some nights, heart about to beat out of my chest, crying and panicking about the inevitable fact that death is coming and my existence will end.
About a month ago, I had a particularly intense panic attack over this. Ever since that night, I've been struggling with this every night. I'm sleeping with the lights on and taking pills to help me fall asleep before I can start thinking about it. It's every night now, I can't live this way, it will only get worse with age.
I would give -anything- to have complete, blissful faith in some religion or afterlife. While I am very open-minded and interested in all faiths, I don't think it's possible for me to ever believe in something enough to tackle this phobia. There is just a wall there, no matter what I hear or read, it's all been written or spoken by living people, and living people DO - NOT - KNOW if we go on after death. That fact prevents faith from solving my fears.
I would give anything to overcome this phobia, right now the only bastion of hope is that the guys at The 2045 Initiative (2045.com) will be able to plug my brain into a computer before I die, so I'll have an eternal virtual afterlife. Every fiber of my being is pleading for this to happen, but I need help, I need some kind of therapy or medication to address this fear.
Does anybody know of a good resource?
befuddled1
10-03-15, 11:09
I would give -anything- to have complete, blissful faith in some religion or afterlife. While I am very open-minded and interested in all faiths, I don't think it's possible for me to ever believe in something enough to tackle this phobia. There is just a wall there, no matter what I hear or read, it's all been written or spoken by living people, and living people DO - NOT - KNOW if we go on after death. That fact prevents faith from solving my fears.
It is back again. I want to talk about it.
beingawesome
23-03-15, 15:57
hi..i am kind of passing through the same phase,,,started two months back when out of the blue i had a panic attack in the morning...it was followed by intense derealisation for a month,,my problems started because of many reasons: 1. for the first time in my life i was lonely and under a lot of stress, 2. being very much interested in space and universe, i kind of mixed death and origin of universe and thence started the existential questions. I was pretty much aware when i was having such questions but i never had any sort of anxiety or panic due to such thoughts until the morning when i had the panic attack. Well, in my opinion i think i am too much emphasizing or giving too much value to such thoughts, everyone gets such thoughts at times but they are able to keep them away, but we are vulnerable when we are under stress or when things are not going right for us.
So here is what i know about it: the condition that i have got is existential ocd. It is an anxiety disorder. how i know i have got an anxiety disorder: because almost everyone thinks about or is aware of mortality just like i am but only i am the one or people like you all who are struggling with such thoughts. i at times think how come other people dont give any importance to mortality or related thoughts. but thinking about how i used to be prior to the panic attack, i do realise that there is something wrong with me. the problem is not with them but with me. i am still recovering from it. I have been taking: fluvoxin 100 mg dose and etizolam 50 mg. google them because the names will vary from country to country. i have been doing yoga , exercising and eating healthy regularly. also i have read a book : brain lock, and i m reading another: no more panic. The important part is to go and see a psychologist and a psychotherapist. i am an atheist myself and have got a scientific outlook to everything but these thoughts bother a lot. the anxiety still gets terrible and unbearable at times but hope is what keeps me going.
I'm glad to have found this forum and read all the comments from people who are obviously having similar thoughts to me. I googled existential panic attacks wondering if such a thing was common and its been quite reassuring knowing I'm not alone. I had a really horrible panic attack about a week ago, which totally came out of the blue, whilst I was cleaning my teeth in the evening! !? It suddenly hit me that one day I will die! And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it! I am a bit of a control freak anyway and like to have control over many aspects of my life and the out of control feeling I felt thinking about this brought on a full on panic attack, with thumping heart, burning hot feeling, dizziness, hearing went really loud and had an overwhelming feeling that I wanted to run out my house, like a caged animal. I've only ever had this feeling I think twice before in my life (I'm in my early 30's), first when I was 10 years old and again a few years back. I'm agnostic and I really do feel envious of people with religious beliefs cos I think those beliefs must give alot of comfort to worrys of death and what happens afterlife etc. I've been consciously trying to distract myself with positive thinking as I don't want to keep thinking about it and I don't really want to go on medication, which would probably help in as much as it would reduce over analysing. Anyway just wanted to share my thoughts and experiences. I just think some people are more aware and troubled by their mortality than others.
What's funny for me is that Death is the only thing that I do not fear! Figure that one out. I am also going through Benzo withdrawal which has as one of it's symptoms: Existential angst. I fear more living and something bad happening, maybe losing control of my life and get swept away by its random powerful forces. Or living a life of unhappiness and failure. A fear of lacking that necessary constitution that would prevent me from being overwhelmed by life.
I have an intense, existential fear of death as well. I've had it since I was six years old; I am much older now. Perhaps it is related to Aspergers, or perhaps it is related to my dad's behavior-altering brain cancer that began when I was six and only ended several years ago when he succumbed to it. I tell myself and others that I am agnostic with respect to spirituality and religion, although, if pressed, I will admit that I actively disbelieve in faith.
It's a crippling terror. It usually strikes at night and the frequency varies from once a month to several times a day. So far, I have not found a way to fully quell the fear, or even a way to successfully relate the feeling to those who do not understand it. No one I know understands it.
Therapy, ssris, mindfulness, exercise, friendship, romance, and family do not help. Drinking helps. Ativan helps. Spending time in nature helps. Staring into the fire, or at the ocean also helps me; there is a peacefulness there. Pets are really helpful too.
I've found Ernest Becker's Denial of Death to be wonderfully validating, though not all that helpful.
Sometimes I'm comforted, for some probably idiosyncratic reason, by this metaphor:
Your life is a book: there is a beginning cover, and there is an ending cover. You cannot change that, otherwise it would not be a book. As a human full of hope and free will, you get to decide which incredible, wonderful, meaningful, lovely words and stories will fit within the pages in between.
Maybe this will help someone with similar neuroses. For those who have talked about a terror of reality--on top of the terror of death--I think your terrors are beyond me in the same way that my psychoses appear to be beyond those around me. I am sorry (although, selfishly, glad) that I cannot comprehend your fear.
Hi Eve555,
As i remember i was watching Woody Allen, Hannah and his sister's in ~88-89, i was relaxed to see that someone had the same experience like me. Seeing your post again reminded me that.
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