Sky12
22-09-08, 15:34
Hi there, new member here. I'm a member of another benzodiazepine forum but I thought I'd try here too. Could so badly use some emotional support during this time. I've never been prone to much panic or anxiety in my life. In fact I used to relish my time alone with reading, music and my thoughts. Now after months of daily hell, I'm afraid to be left alone for even a waking moment.
It all started with a vicodin prescription for extreme pain. I was on it for a long period, tried to quit unsuccessfully numerous times and finally did it in June. Thought my life would be better than ever, but then I began to experience episodes of heart rates in the high hundreds- thought I was having a heart attack. It happened numerous times before I went to the emergency room and was given a 3 mg. daily prescription for Ativan- reason, "panic attacks". They performed every conceivable test on me but didn't catch the fact that viral thyroiditis(inflammation of the thyroid when attacked by a virus) was the cause. My general practitioner later did and took care of the problem.
Too late, now am addicted to the benzos, and for no good reason. They assured me tapering would be easy, I was only on it for a total of two months. I slowly- alone and without any advice from competent professionals- tapered down to less than 1 mg. and had headaches, crying and shaking fits, saw flashes of light in the air, burning, twitching, tingling, nightmares, insomnia. The joints of my fingers would swell, my tongue sometimes even after meals. The w/d plus the virus left me unable to eat virtually anything for weeks and weeks. Bed-ridden for two months. Lost 65 pounds from the prescritions and thyroid problem. Heart arrythmia, skipped pulses where my heartbeat would seem to fade for seconds like a distant echo in a tunnel. Finally I began to have tremors again- would get cold and teeth would chatter, every muscle in my body would shake and convulse.
More hospital tests which concluded no seizure, but I've heard others describe their seizures that way. The fear of being damaged from this scares me so much. I wish I was more cognizant during this period or had someone to advocate for me. Instead of vainly searching for a "specialist", I should've called every doctor around and asked them to help me with the Ashton method, but weakly and blankly I just went along with the current, and now I must pay for it.
I was aware of the Ashton method and had high hopes the addiction specialist in the hospital would employ it. Well, he got it half right. He immediately took me off the .75 of Ativan and switched me to 15 mg. of valium with no time for a gradual switch.("Oh, that's dangerous. Synergystic effects") More tremors, so he upped it to 20 mg. which I've been on for 13 days. He estimated I should be off that in 2-4 weeks, but compromised with a little over two months. I've got a prescription for 137 5 mg. valium I haven't filled yet. Other benzo victims have advised me to hold at the 20 mg. a day and reduce by a mg. a week or so. That's four months, possibly more. My anxiety from being yanked off the Ativan so quickly is almost increasing by the day, physical symptoms reduced thankfully. Well to summarize my questions so everyone doesn't have to sift through my whining:
1.Should I fill the script now and do the imprecise pill cutter thing, call him or another dr. immediately to ask for a larger script or one that includes 2 mg. tabs for greater accuracy?
2.Should I have protracted Ativan withdrawal for much longer after being taken off it so quickly?
3.Were those tremors necessarily seizures, and/or damaging? They did numerous blood tests and the doctor coldly told me I had no seizures or neurological problems. Are blood tests enough to determine whether you've ever had a seizure?
I suppose what happened to me is the equivalent of cold turkeying 7.5 mg of valium. The ignorant Dr. insisted that since all benzos are basically the same, the val. would take over for the Ativan instantly and everything would be fine. This is clearly not the case. God, I wish I could go back in time and find someone to do it right. Any length, any expense is worth it for your physical and mental health. No going back now. Feel like I've been through a war and it just keeps coming and coming. I only enjoy sleep now, and even that's a "nightmare". Haha. Don't know if I have the strength for four more months of this. :weep: Must be strong. Sorry for the lengthy paragraphs but I have to get this off my chest. I feel so alone, no one understands what I'm going through. A thank you to anyone that's even read some of this. I'm sure many of you will understand.
It all started with a vicodin prescription for extreme pain. I was on it for a long period, tried to quit unsuccessfully numerous times and finally did it in June. Thought my life would be better than ever, but then I began to experience episodes of heart rates in the high hundreds- thought I was having a heart attack. It happened numerous times before I went to the emergency room and was given a 3 mg. daily prescription for Ativan- reason, "panic attacks". They performed every conceivable test on me but didn't catch the fact that viral thyroiditis(inflammation of the thyroid when attacked by a virus) was the cause. My general practitioner later did and took care of the problem.
Too late, now am addicted to the benzos, and for no good reason. They assured me tapering would be easy, I was only on it for a total of two months. I slowly- alone and without any advice from competent professionals- tapered down to less than 1 mg. and had headaches, crying and shaking fits, saw flashes of light in the air, burning, twitching, tingling, nightmares, insomnia. The joints of my fingers would swell, my tongue sometimes even after meals. The w/d plus the virus left me unable to eat virtually anything for weeks and weeks. Bed-ridden for two months. Lost 65 pounds from the prescritions and thyroid problem. Heart arrythmia, skipped pulses where my heartbeat would seem to fade for seconds like a distant echo in a tunnel. Finally I began to have tremors again- would get cold and teeth would chatter, every muscle in my body would shake and convulse.
More hospital tests which concluded no seizure, but I've heard others describe their seizures that way. The fear of being damaged from this scares me so much. I wish I was more cognizant during this period or had someone to advocate for me. Instead of vainly searching for a "specialist", I should've called every doctor around and asked them to help me with the Ashton method, but weakly and blankly I just went along with the current, and now I must pay for it.
I was aware of the Ashton method and had high hopes the addiction specialist in the hospital would employ it. Well, he got it half right. He immediately took me off the .75 of Ativan and switched me to 15 mg. of valium with no time for a gradual switch.("Oh, that's dangerous. Synergystic effects") More tremors, so he upped it to 20 mg. which I've been on for 13 days. He estimated I should be off that in 2-4 weeks, but compromised with a little over two months. I've got a prescription for 137 5 mg. valium I haven't filled yet. Other benzo victims have advised me to hold at the 20 mg. a day and reduce by a mg. a week or so. That's four months, possibly more. My anxiety from being yanked off the Ativan so quickly is almost increasing by the day, physical symptoms reduced thankfully. Well to summarize my questions so everyone doesn't have to sift through my whining:
1.Should I fill the script now and do the imprecise pill cutter thing, call him or another dr. immediately to ask for a larger script or one that includes 2 mg. tabs for greater accuracy?
2.Should I have protracted Ativan withdrawal for much longer after being taken off it so quickly?
3.Were those tremors necessarily seizures, and/or damaging? They did numerous blood tests and the doctor coldly told me I had no seizures or neurological problems. Are blood tests enough to determine whether you've ever had a seizure?
I suppose what happened to me is the equivalent of cold turkeying 7.5 mg of valium. The ignorant Dr. insisted that since all benzos are basically the same, the val. would take over for the Ativan instantly and everything would be fine. This is clearly not the case. God, I wish I could go back in time and find someone to do it right. Any length, any expense is worth it for your physical and mental health. No going back now. Feel like I've been through a war and it just keeps coming and coming. I only enjoy sleep now, and even that's a "nightmare". Haha. Don't know if I have the strength for four more months of this. :weep: Must be strong. Sorry for the lengthy paragraphs but I have to get this off my chest. I feel so alone, no one understands what I'm going through. A thank you to anyone that's even read some of this. I'm sure many of you will understand.