help someone im really down

[sue447]

hi everyone,
ive got to the point where i just cant take anymore, i had a really bad night last night, i had a row with my chap again, so i went to bed, where usally i feel okish, well not last night my odd breathing patterns were really acting up making me panic, everytime my breathing went odd, i would hyperventilate i didnt know what to do with myself, an hour or more later i finally dropped off to sleep, my chap is doing my head in aswell hes always been a b****** but just lately hes going out drinking and coming home waking me late at night and accusing me of alsorts,i wont let him go near me because of the anxiety, he thinks im screwing around with another bloke, im supposed to be moving house in ten days time, he sais hes not moving in with me, he keeps saying im to get my x husband to help me move, but im not interested in him ,otherwise i wouldnt have divorced him im frightened im going to have a nervous breakdown, my chap has always done this to me he finishes with me, then he comes back hes done this for the last 8 years, he drinks like a fish aswell and always upsets me by playing mind games, sometimes he can be really nasty aswell hes a mental abuser sorry to go on but im really at my witts end im so frightenend im going to end up in hospital because of this anxiety and panic i just dont know what to do anymore please advise
luv sue:(:(

[Emmie]

Hi Sue,
poor you-sounds like you're going through a tough time! Have you explained to your man how he makes you feel? Does he understand about the anxiety? The arguments aren't helping you at all so i really hope you manage to sort this out. I'm not really sure what to say but i just hope things work out well for you and you can start to feel better.

Take care of yourself

Em x

[Sal x]

Hi Sue


Sorry to hear your are feeling so low right now...........it will get better.

I know this is not what you want to hear right now but it sounds to me that your man is the main cause of your anxiety.

Maybe if you could sort this out first you may be able to start feeling better??

Just an idea...................sorry it doesnt make you feel much better.

Sal x[:I]

[sue447]

hi sal,
your prob right he is the main cause of my anxiety, im too scared to be on my own esp now im moving i dont know what to do for the best
luv sue x

[kairen]

Hi Sue

so sorry to hear your going through such a bad time at the moment, would you be able to manage financially if you moved in on your own maybe the break would do you good,

I know the saying better the devil you know. but not if he is making you feel this bad, it sounds like he has a few insecurities himself to sort out,

I do hope you work it out remember u always have us

take care



kairen x

[carlin]

Hi Sue,
so sorry you are having a bad time, i have no sound advice for you, but just to let you know that we all understand what you are going through, you don't need added anxiety when you suffer already, especially verbal abuse, it's like kicking you when you're down, but and this is a big BUT you will be ok, you will survive, and eventually will be happy again, it will take so much time and hard work and everyone is here for you hugs xxxxx

[tony]

sorry to here your going through a rough time,moving house is not easy at the best of times,its sounds like your husband doesnt understand anxiety and how bad it gets,hope things get better soon
tony x

metal,rock, and hardcore music is my life!

[Meg]

Sue,

What is best for you to enable you to simplify your life right now ?
Alone may be scary initially, but you're not ever too far away from anyone to get help if you needed it and it sounds like he's not there enough to be any help or pleasant company anyway.


If he's causing you so much distress this way does he have any redeeming qualities at all that do help you through this ?




Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[Piglet]

Sue

It can be hard on your own but could it be any harder than what you are dealing with at the moment.

Have you got any good friends who could help with the move etc.

Love Piglet

[seh1980]

Sue,

I think you need to think about what is best for you and what is causing your anxiety..

Sarah :D

[LisaD]

Hi Sue,

I think I'm going to just add to what you may not want to hear right now, but I thought I would add something to think about....

My Dad was an alcoholic, and verbally and physically abused my mother. I watched over the years as she became more and more dpressed and anxious. It all came to a head when some other factors in her life also added to her stress levels, and she had a near nervous breakdown (probably the same as you are experiencing at the moment). With the help of medication (a lot I may add!), she became stronger and finally told my Dad that she wanted out. 4 years later, she is the woman I assume that she was before my father....RELAXED, happy, and content. She has no issues with anxiety or dpression, and hasn't for quite a while.

I know she was very scared about making this move, because she would be alone (us kids were already out of the house by then), but she perservered, and teh change in her life was amazing! I also have to say that I changed a lot after moving out (he abused me as well). I know that you feel that you can't handle it right now, but I think that you have more strength than you think.....and if he really is the main source of your anxiety, than think about how much better you would get just by getting away from this constant stress!

Just something to think about, we're all here for you no matter what you decide Sue. Please take care!

Love Lisa

[sue447]

thanks everyone,
your replys were great but im still worried someuts going to happen to me bcause of my breathing, i now think i have something wrong with my lungs ive never been so worried, i cant seem to control the odd breathing patterns i get sometines but i can control the hyperventilating, after i get the horrable breathing patterns if you see what i mean im worried that if it carries on, someuts going to happen i dont want to end up in hospital i know its getting worse cause im usually ok when i go to bed, im so uncomftable and tired,
meg, he dont understand what im going through but sometimes he can be ok,
thanks again
luv suexx

[sal]

Hi Sue

Sorry missed this thread and how bad you are feeling. It is hard and you do need that continual support to help you through this, but be reassured you will get it on here. Maybe to help him understand more let him read a few replies you have had, so he can see that you are not alone in how you feel and that he can offer you some more support.



Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[Piglet]

Hi Sue,

How are things today?

Love Piglet

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[oshun]

sue

i can relate to your feeling of being on edge of nervous breakdown.

but i can't help wondering, it seems your partner is not helping ( i'm being very polite here:), and if anythign seems to be doing all her can to make you feel worse at a time when you need reassurance.

i also reconginse that moving home for someone who sufers form anxiety is very very difficult.

i think you should go ahead with the move, and once settled in, examine carefully excatly why you are still with this man. maybe you need some sapce away from some one who you say is mentally abusing you???

hope that helps a little

[Sue K with 5]

Hi

I spent 7 years in an abusive marriage where I was mentally and physically abused.

It took me those 7 years to walk away, all for the same reason as you, I did not want to be alone, having someone was better than no one, (I discovered that actually being on my own was the best I had ever been, I gained confidence, I learnt to respect myself and I made new friends, it was not easy and I had two young children to look after, but no one told me what a useless person I was, and I could dress and wear clothes I chose and I was not scared anymore of being hurt in any manner.

My friends came back to me, I gained confidence and I even went out on my own and drove on my own, it was not easy and I had days where I was petrified but I did it.

The panic sensations are your bodies way of reacting to how you feel about yourself and your fear of being in this relationship. I know that you have feelings for this person, but you have to learn to love yourself, and all the time he controls you and your life you will never achieve this.

The breathing and hyperventilating are all a part of this and in order to control that, you have to take some control back in your life.

I love my partner now we have been together 12 years, but he also can be mentally cruel and very controlling, mainly because I want my independance and he wants to be a part of that, but that is no excuse and you must never ever let a relationship dictate your abilities and your decision making

Let him read these post as suggested, maybe he will be able to listen to you by reading all this and there may even be a chance he will back down and help you to work through this


Good Luck




scknight

[bluebottle]

Hi Sue,

I know its easy to say and harder to do, but don't let fear of being alone keep you in this relationship. If you aren't happy then for your own quality of life and future happiness you have to be brave and leave him.

Good luck.

--
Blue
"to hope till Hope creates from its own wreck the thing it contemplates"

[pips]

Hi Sue,

Just wanted to say sorry you are going through such a rough time hun. I was in a abusive relationship in the past so i do understand. if ever you want to chat please feel free to PM me.

Good luck with the move and whatever you decide to do.

I do hope you feel better soon.

Take care,

Love PIP'S XX

[rois]

Hi Sue, sorry you're going through a hard time. Does your fella know about your anxiety attacks? Mine's doesn't as I feel he would not understand as he hasn't suffered from them himself (this doesn't mean he cares any less) My parents and others in my family have been really supportive, is there no-one in your family who you can confide in, you know a trouble shared is a trouble halved and it may make you feel a bit better talking it over with someone you ca trust. Hope things start to look up for you[8D]