Is it really any wonder that i am problems mentally??

[Donna 1978]

Dear All,

Lovely site so much support and advice . I have been having problems for a few weeks, feel like i am goin mad. I have now been to the GP who wonders if my stress is due to the tablets to stop smoking ( Champix). She hasn't given me anything drug wise has just said to pace myself talk about how i am feeling and go back to see her in 2 weeks.

I have been so sad since i turned 30 as this was my cut off for bing a mum. I have suffered with infertility for 7 years now. I am heartbroken and so sad that i will never be a mum. Really so sad!! I have had several attempts with IVF and other treatments but nothing has worked. For personal reasons and money we have decided enough is enough now so it has come to an end.

I gave up my job as a carer doing night work in july because i was finding it so hard to keep going to work.

I have a fear of going out from my home. My fear is i feel as though i am going to be ill in public. It is so silly but i cannot stop the feelings? Then because i am so worried about needing the loo i then give myself an upset tummy and of course have to use the toilet.

I feel like i am loosing my mind, i don't want to be this way ....... I want to be a mum, but that won't happen, what if i know get stuck indoors never being able to go out??

Donna xx

[Bill]

Hello Donna:hugs: ,

I know how important children are to alot of women so you have my deepest sympathy. My wife always wanted children but because of her mental illness (schizophrenia) it would have been very unwise to allow her for many reasons associated to her illness. Now she has reached the menopause, it will always be on my conscience that I had to deny her what she wanted most even though I know I did the right thing. My conscience is also a small part why any intimacy we had ended years ago.

As for the toilet issues, I can truly understand how you feel because I have always suffered in the same ways. I used to be so afraid I'd need the loo when I got to work that I made myself need one and then be told off for being late starting work!

However, this fear can be overcome because I've managed to overcome this myself. Before I go out, I still feel anxious and I still prefer to "go" before I leave to be "sure" but if I can't, as soon as I'm out the door I stop thinking about needing a loo and instead focus on the things I need to do while I'm out. Eventually it becomes a habit so you stop thinking "inwardly". You just need to go out and learn to train your mind "outwardly" thinking about what you're seeing, doing and where you're going but it can be done. One other tip, is Not to drink anything within an hour of leaving and if you're going out first thing, Don't eat anything until you're out or on your return because if your tummy is full, it'll make you think of your tummy and your fears too much. I haven't needed a public loo in years!:hugs:

[kendo59]

I am sorry to hear of the sad decision that you've had to make.

I don't want to be patronising in any way, but have you considered whether a career in teaching, or fostering, or voluntary work with the brownies/guides or teachers assistant, would help fill that 'maternal' instinct, and give you reason to get out the house?

[Donna 1978]

Dear Bill & Kendo,

Firstly thank you both for your kind replies. Bill i'm sorry to hear that your wife hasn't been able to be a mum, i truly do understand how that feels. How sad it is that you don't have any intimacy, is this all due to the guilt you feel? or is it also to do with your wifes illness?

Thank you for your advice about the toilet problem. I will try everything that people suggest. Sadly i have always suffered with my tummy. Someone has only got to mention that they have had an upset stomach and i have to go! I am never sick though it goes the other way!

I am very lucky in that i have great support from my husband, he has even been reading on this site to have a better understanding!

Kendo- Thank you for you reply, funny enough i had thought about becoming a childminder. It has been something i have thought about a lot this year. The only thing that has stopped me taking it any further than thought is i have to wonder- would parents not think it strange that i don't have any children myself? I don't know if i would or not as i'm not a parent.

All the people that i know who childmind have there own children.

Some thoughts on this would be fab please?

Love Donna x

[Donna 1978]

Hi,

Feeling really pleased with myself. Went out this afternoon on my own drove to my cousin's who lives about 12 miles away. Stayed and had a coffee and a chat. Feel really stressed about being out but made myself do it.

Then drove to the stables where my mum keeps her horse stayed there for a couple of hours and made myself chat with people that were there.

Feel really proud !!

[bottleblond]

Hi Donna

Nice to meet you hun.

Look i don't want to give you false hope but a friend of mind had a child at 16. she is now 36 and for ten years after meeting her now hubi, they tried for a child but with no luck, she did the whole IVF thing too several times also with no luck. after ten years of trying she settled with the idea that it just wasn't meant to be. To cut a long story short, 8 months after she stopped trying, she found out she was pregnant and now has a lovely 2 year old son.

Hope things work out and good luck to you
Love lisa
xxx