ade
24-09-08, 18:53
in about 1983, i was suffering very badly with uncontrollable thoughts about killing myself.i just couldnt cope with what i knew had happened to me as a child.one day i went out for a walk with the dog.as i let "brandy" off the lead in a football field for a scamper,i was overwhelmed with the desire to end it,there and then.i put up the dogs choker as a noose inside a small dug out which the footballers used.i remember the deep autumn sky,and how it held such dark secrets of my destroyed innocence.this was it.
as i moved my head towards the choker,memories came flashing by,and these feelings and thoughts saved my life.....
i thought about my beloved mother and how she would be beyond consolation.
i remebered one sunny christmas morning as a boy(we would be in liverpool and away from the abuse) scooting over to my favourite aunty gwens house
full of joy and expectancy that i would get a chocolate off their silver artificial tree.
i remembered being bought an amazing car game by my kind older brother,and how i would set it up next to my subbuteo pitch and sink down into the battery lit world of play
last of all i thought "how will brandy get home if i do?"
i took down the noose,called the dog and walked home,never to tell anyone,until today.
maybe this should be under success stories,because i survived and now have a beautiful family,my own successful business and a heart that is glad to be alive.:weep: yes im crying,so near i came.... there is hope
as i moved my head towards the choker,memories came flashing by,and these feelings and thoughts saved my life.....
i thought about my beloved mother and how she would be beyond consolation.
i remebered one sunny christmas morning as a boy(we would be in liverpool and away from the abuse) scooting over to my favourite aunty gwens house
full of joy and expectancy that i would get a chocolate off their silver artificial tree.
i remembered being bought an amazing car game by my kind older brother,and how i would set it up next to my subbuteo pitch and sink down into the battery lit world of play
last of all i thought "how will brandy get home if i do?"
i took down the noose,called the dog and walked home,never to tell anyone,until today.
maybe this should be under success stories,because i survived and now have a beautiful family,my own successful business and a heart that is glad to be alive.:weep: yes im crying,so near i came.... there is hope