Just one reason to live would be enough

[Franz]

Sorry, I'm in a bad way again.

Anything that made life worthwhile. Anything that gave me cause for hope. Anything that put me in contact with other human beings again.

I wish someone could explain to me what I did to deserve this life. I feel I've spent my whole life at the bottom of a pit and no one heard my cries for help.

[marie1974]

:hugs: franz, i know theres not much i can say to u really, but never ever give up on life, you can get out the hole u in, i did it and u can, you have too.

i did it myself, no one helped me, sometimes its better that way, i dont know your circumstances hun but little steps, exercise in doors every day, sounds stupid i know but few weeks on u start to feel positive and better about yourself and u move on to another little step etc etc, u can doing it sweetie, never give up. :hugs:

[yorkylover]

Sorry you are feeling so down sweety.Have you seen your gp or are you on any meds at the moment?Life can be hard at times,and I have felt like you many a time.Things will get better.:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:

[diane07]

Donna is right, you can get out of hole you feel you're in.
Don't ever give up, its all to easy to look at what we haven't got in life when we're down, but do try and look at the bits that are good, excercise is definately the key to lift your spirits, even though it will feel like the last thing you want to do.

Do give it a go, in time it makes you feel so good that if a day went by that i couldn't do it, i used to feel quite low.

stay strong, we'll help you all we can

best wishes

di xxx

[Pixel]

I feel this way sometimes but you just have to have faith that this will get better. This is temporary!!!!! Make sure you tell people how you are feeling, keeping it to yourself only makes it worse, tell u family or gp or anyone who will listen to you.

[Franz]

Thanks for the replies. Carstar: The only people I can speak to are my family and we always end up shouting at each other, which is what has happened just now. My parents can't cope and it just makes them anxious and panicky.

Diane: I do exercise: I go swimming 3 or 4 times a week. It doesn't help though. I'm afraid I'm at meltdown point, where there are no windows of feeling good. It's not a question of feeling "quite low", it's feeling at the end of the line, completely drained of hope, and these Internet dates I go on just make it worse because I can't help stake so much on them because I have nothing else.

I am taking citalopram 20mg and diazepam now and then (and with, it seems, increasing frequency).

You don't understand how all-consuming this problem is. Every time I walk past anyone at work, my stomach turns, I tense up, get headaches, feel sick, and just want to retreat from everything and everyone. I get these feelings of total hatred for everyone and it drives them away from me. Lost control of it.

[milly jones]

pls dont give up hope francis

we are here to listen hunny and we do want to help

is there anyone on nmp who is local to u whom u could meet up with?

i myself gain much comfort from my nmp mates

where do u live hunny?

pls believe me when i say we do care

mill xxx

[yorkylover]

I do think most of us understand how you are feeling as we feel very much the same as you.
Maybe you need to have a chat with your gp:hugs: you may need your citalopram upping a little.:hugs:

[Franz]

Thanks Milly, I live in Cambridgeshire. I would love to be able to talk to someone who's been through something similiar because "normal" people just avoid you like the plague when it's obvious you're suffering. Human nature really - they don't want to be "contaminated".

I've made a couple of excellent friends on NMP but they live a long way away.

Thanks again.

F

[yorkylover]

I dont think people want to avoid you Franz,I think they just dont understand the illness,they dont know what to say or do to help us.Its hard for people wh dont suffer to understand sometimes to.:hugs:

[marie1974]

i lived in cambridgeshire long time ago too in ely for a while xxx milly will help u hun she is great and very lovely xx

[milly jones]

aww ty donna

francis, i live in n wales

its quite a way, but we do have meet ups here

please feel free to pm and chat

i do undertsand how u feel having recently been digging myself out of a depressive episode, and having sa

love mill xx

[nettles]

Hi Franz
Has your doctor given you the opportunity to have some therapy? Family are usually too difficult and emotionally involved to talk to, maybe go back to the doc and tell him/her exactly how bad you feel and get a referral to talk to someone.
However bad you feel, there is light at the end of the tunnel - even if you can't believe it now, so do hang in there.
Nettles x

[kellie]

Im so sorry you are feeling so down franz
I wish i could give you these hugs in person and take a little of the pain away.
try to be strong and hold on, you may not see it at the moment but there will be better times ahead.
:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:
Take care

kellie.xxxxxxxxx

[Divinely Desolate]

Hang in there Franz, its tough but there is hope we just have to believe! Be strong and we will all be on the road to recovery soon! :)

[keepemlaughing]

Hello Franz, hope you are feeling better as you are reading all these encouraging posts. When I am feeling anxious and panic stricken I tend to get upset easily with people and end up turning them away instead of near me which is the opposite of what I want or need.
Keep your head up, it will get better!

[Hope 2]

Hi Francis

Just had a read through your threads. I sense total despair and intense/relentless hurt. I imagine you feel completely empty and drained. For you, being around people makes you feel mentally unhinged, yet the company of other/s is what you and most people need to feel human/contented. This must be so hard to live with as it is so conflicting.

I was bullied at school, at home and by the kids in the neighbourhood. Partly due to this, I considered myself to be worthless and unacceptable to society in general. I can see now why I rarely have confidence that people really do care, are genuine or indeed even like me, in a social/work situation. It's a lonely place, even though I do have people around me. Rejection from people who don't even know someone, still hurts. Then comes the anger, for me. How dare they sketch.

Think I will go now
Warm thoughts
Julia xx

[Franz]

Thanks to everyone for the further messages of support. I wish I could meet you all personally: it's frustrating knowing that people understand and care but not actually being able to talk, but still I want you to know that I really appreciate what you say and it helps.

I've spent today off work and even tidied my flat a bit :) I realise how much better I feel not being at work and not constantly worrying about how other people react to me. When I'm alone I feel almost normal. I'm thinking how great it would be if I could just "give in" to my problems and work around them, rather than feeling I have to fight them all the time.

If I had some kind of social life it would suit me really well to be able to work from home and see people in the evening. When I go out after a day at home, the social phobia is less bad because there hasn't been the "build-up" at work. Would have loved to be an independent writer but I don't have a specialism, except how to be a fruitcake :S

Thanks again.

F

[Franz]

I was bullied at school, at home and by the kids in the neighbourhood. Partly due to this, I considered myself to be worthless and unacceptable to society in general. I can see now why I rarely have confidence that people really do care, are genuine or indeed even like me, in a social/work situation. It's a lonely place, even though I do have people around me. Rejection from people who don't even know someone, still hurts. Then comes the anger, for me. How dare they sketch.

Julia,

Yes, I think I feel similarly to you: that feeling of being worthless and unacceptable, and the anger that follows on from the feeling of rejection. I feel I just can't trust people and yet it's frustrating because I feel I could be a different person in the right circumstances. Oh well....

Take care,

F

[alihud]

Franz i am feeling the way you are but i am gaining support from friends on here and its my lifeline at the mo.I work for myself,its the best place for me and even when i have employed others its ended it them using and hurting me so i work alone now and have my dogs and the pc for company and of coursemy customers who although i'm wary of i can just about cope with.I don't think i could ever cope with working for anyone else now.Have strength honey,perhpas u could thinking about training for something with a view to working for yourself?Just a thought.I do the internet dating thing too and find it very demoralising.
Ali xx

[Hope 2]

Hi Francis

I am only just finding out things about myself. I now see that my repressed anger is possibly due to a relentless pattern of rejection, occuring before I was capable of conscious thought. No idea how to let go of the past, yet.

How's it going in your world at the mo ? I am still on Planet Jue but I hope one day to integrate with the real world.

Bestest wishes
Julia xx

[pooh]

Hey there Franz

you sound like what you really wanna do is connect to other people? I asked you some time ago in another post what made you laugh. What does? it's a very valid question because humour is essential in breaking down social barriers and the ability to laugh at ourselves a little is crucial to survive through all this crazy bleak stuff sometimes.

Pooh x

[LeeBee]

That's a really good point Pooh. So easy for us all to take all of this VERY seriously and forget how to laugh. You're right, laughter is definitely a way to connect with others. :D