More Anxiety

[WorriedinNJ]

Hey everyone! I'm new here nad just fell across this forum a few days ago. I was looking for some help in my dilemma. It might sound stupid and it might be a bit graphic but I hope you guys can help.

Right now, I'm experiencing a lot of anxiety about having HIV. This goes back to what happened two weeks ago. Before I tell you that, I will have to say that I am a very inexperienced person regarding sex and have had few experiences so please bear with my ignorance. I am also dealing with my sexuality but that's an entirely separate issue. OK. I work in NYC. Two weeks ago, I went to an adult store that had buddy booths. I won't get too detailed so I don't gross anyone out. There was another guy next to mine and he proceeded to give me oral sex. Probably, only the second time in my life I had received oral sex. So, this went on for a bit until we finished. Afterwards, for some reason I started to think that it wasn't oral but that I also penetrated him for a brief period (less than a minute if at all. I couldn't see his part of the booth, there was a wall separating it.) As soon as I got back, I started googling symptoms of HIV and pretty much started feeling them. Tired, muscle pain, feeling hot although I dont think I have a fever, pretty down. I keep checking to see if any of my lymph nodes are swollen and swalling to see if I have a sore throat. I have allergies too that I keep thinking is a cold.

I basically can't help feeling this anxiety. It's been only two weeks but I'm convinced that I do have HIV even though I keep telling myself that I don't. I'm scared of going to the doctor but know I will have to. I do have a history of anxiety. At various points in my life, I have experienced anxiety over having cancer, dying in my sleep, going crazy, or hurting my loved ones. I just hate this feeling. I also feel intense guilt over what I did two weeks ago and wish I could just take it back because I hate feeling like this.

[bottleblond]

Hi Worried

I hate to sound like your mum but PLEASE always use protection, better safe than sorry sweety! :winks:

HIV can take a hell of a time to show itself so i doubt very much that your symptoms are anything other than anxiety. Go to the docs and have the test as it will ease your mind. Don't let your mind work overtime though hun as i dount you will have HIV.

Oh and Welcome to NMP.

Love Lisa
xxx

[WorriedinNJ]

Thanks Lisa! And believe me, that behavior will not happen again. I do not want to experience this again and will make sure I don't take the same actions. I just feel so stupid. If I knew for sure what happened, I wouldnt be this anxious.

[keepemlaughing]

I agree with Lisa. Use protection. And it does take HIV a long time to show. You are probably fine. Its the guilt and anxiety driving you crazy.

[Clint1985]

sounds like it was nothing more than panic attack to me. i did a program a few years ago called "attacking anxiety and depression." In this program it is stated that questioning your sexuality is a symptom of anxiety. so maybe that will make you feel better.

[LeeBee]

Anxiety often makes you doubt your memories of an event, have a look at the OCD forum and you'll see how often people with anxiety have this. You start believing that something that you are fearful or anxious about happened even though orginally you knew that it didn't happen that way. The fact that afterwards you started to think that there was penetration with the booth guy shows how anxious you are about contracting HIV. And I think everyone in here has probably started feeling the symptoms of an illness after googling it.

A trip to the docs for an HIV test probably won't do you any harm and will put your mind at rest about it. I'd also say that if might be a good idea, if you're not already, to talk to someone about your sexual identity issues so that you can be more at ease with this aspect of yourself. That might lower your overall anxiety. Good luck, welcome to the site, hope it helps you :).