Ruined by anxiety and constant fears

[HayleyGoodwin08]

Hey everyone, first off I'm new to this site and I want to say a big hello to everyone =D

Now this is how my anxiey disorder happened...

At 14, I tragically lost my parents and younger brother from a car crash, while I was at my Grandmother's at the time. After the funeral, I started to feel constantly worried all the time and I'd wake up throwing up bile and constantly shaking, I had absolutely no control of this feeling, the constant throwing up made me feel drained and tired and it has affected my college and job as I keep having to go to the toilet.
The fears were so great that during the night I'd wake up screaming and feeling depressed, and when that happens I keep awake all through the night. I've also dramatically lost a huge amount of weight but the fear and throwing up made me lose my apetite in food. I've been to the doctors a lot of times as I desperately wanted this feeling to go away. The doctor kept subscribing me to Valium and Benzodiazepines (to help me sleep), which hasn't really done much for me I'm still pretty much the same everyday. I've been counselling for my anxiety and that hasn't done me any good too. 2 years I've suffered with this anxiety problem and I'm feeling more and more on the verge of ending my life, I look green/pasty white with bags under my eyes from lack of sleep (I look about 35 rather than 16), the anxiety is too great for me too handle, I just hope that one day a doctor will cure me, and I can get back to the way I was. I also feel for my Grandmother after all she's done for me, when my parents died she vowed to look after me and she has been like a mother/father figure to me these past 2 years. I love her with all my heart. Thanks for everything you've done for me. I love you xXx

[LeeBee]

Hayley, first of all I want to say how sorry I am for your losses. I can barely imagine what you have been through. Under the circumstances, it's no surprise at all that you have developed intense anxiety symptoms. Without wishing to be patronising, you sound like a very brave young woman to me.

I do think that you and your grandmother must get more adequate help from the medical profession and other support services than you have appear to have had so far. Is there anyone other than your grandmother (who sounds wonderful) that you can ask for advice and guidance? If no one else, then your GP and/or school principal should both be people that you can you can go to and say "I need help." They should be able to advise you and seek adequate support and effective treatment for you.

Other than that my advice would be: be patient with yourself. You've been through a huge shock and are in the process of grieving. It will take a long time for your mind and body to come to terms with what has happened. That doesn't mean that you can't have a good, fulfilling life while they do it. Just that you need to go easy on yourself - be patient and let yourself feel what you need to feel. But you shouldn't have to go through this with just your lovely grandma for support. Ask for help.

Best, best wishes to you. Hope the site is of some use. Keep in touch and let us now how you get on. xx

[kellie]

Hello Hayley :welcome: to NMP its lovely to have you here.
Im so sorry for the loss of your parents and brother, :hugs: :hugs:
Im not suprised you are worrying all the time, not eating and feeling sick.
Like leebee has said hun, your body and mind has been through an awful shock and will take time to recover.
You will get lots of support/advice/reasurance from all the great members here.
Keep posting with your questions and we will help as much as we can.

take care :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

kellie.xxxxxxxxx