I've been out with people i don't fancy or like.. why?

[smokey26]

I have been doing this since i have been going out with people, i don't know why, it's almost as if, i feel like i have to go out with someone who likes me, (maybe because i have such a strong desire to be liked generally?), even though i don't fancy them.. It's happened maybe 3 or 4 times over the past 8 years and it really messes with my head.. maybe it doesn't sound like much but it's like i feel like i don't deserve to be with someone i'm actually attracted to.. afterwards i feel like such a bad person, like i'm disgusting for letting myself be with someone i wasn't attracted to.. it is very upsetting and distressing. I feel so stupid to do something like this, just out of a need to be liked.. I've decided I'm not going to let myself feel and act this way anymore, and still, i feel anxious and paranoid that i will...

[HayleyGoodwin08]

Have you been in a relationship before that didn't work out?

Try going counselling and talking with other people who feel the same way as you, no doubt there will be a few people so your not alone.

I hope everything works out for you soon, don't forget to get in touch with me to see how everything is going, and I will help as many ways I can. x

Good Luck. xxxxxxxx

[smokey26]

thank you xx

I've had a couple of long term relationships that didn't work out, but i'm ok with that.. I seem to make this mistake when i feel most lonely and vunerable..

I have tried counselling but when i'm there i clam up, and then i can't express myself! Maybe if i keep a diary of my feelings this will help me communicate them better to people!

[HayleyGoodwin08]

Yeah I think thats a good idea, write down every bit of detail you are feeling inside, I hope they understand and take it onboard and you get the help you deserve. xxxx

[celia davies]

I think ur doin this because ur so insurcure about ur self i always feel like im not good enough 4 my boyfriend but every1 says im stupid an we make a perfect couple,If we ever split up i also think id never b able 2 get any1 else cause im horrible,i think we need 2 love ourselfs b4 even thinkin about others and ur not a horrible person ur just tryin 2 b loved an made 2 feel good about urself we all do things like this sometimes hope this helps xx

[Dazza]

This sounds familiar to me. Sounds like a classic case of low self esteem. You feel like you do not deserve better, so you sleep with people who are are not interested in or do not fancy..then you feel awful about yourself after, which only contributes further to your sense of worthlessness.

I went through that in my mid twenties... but through lots of counselling i learned to love myself, and things got better.

I still have some issues around it, but it's nowhere near as bad as before.

[samc100]

I agree with the others... is it a case of you want them to like you and to feel adored? What you think about them is of lesser importance?

I went through a stage of dating ridiculous people totally unsuited to me. Because I was mixed up and hoping they'd be Mr Wonderful. They weren't and I stopped dating for 2 yrs and the next person I dated - well we have 2 little tots and in love.

[JasonB]

Hey Smokey,

You have nothing to be concerned about here, it is completely normal.

If it has happened 4 times over the last 8 years, then that means you have dated someone you dint fancy once every two years.

----

People sometimes have to date people that they don't fancy in order to realise just what it is they actually want.

And sometimes you don't know if you do fancy them or you don't. You just have to see how it goes.

Its completely natural, and part of the dating game.

Just keep moving on, and if the last one didnt work out..... "Next!?"

Good luck,

Jason

[smokey26]

thank you all for you comments, i really appreciate them.

It has helped a lot.

Jason, i think you could be right, maybe it's just the anxiety etc that makes me feel bad and obsess about the situation, it makes it seem worse than it actually is.. i've never thought that it might be normal!! I do have self esteem issues too, so it becomes hard to distinguish between normality and my actual problems sometimes..

Thank you everyone :) x

[samtheman]

I can relate to this big time. Don't make the same mistake I did, I married someone I don't particuarly like and had children, I made the mistake so I am in it for the long haul now. I did go out with people who I liked but I some how got the impression they didn't like me, I was very very paranoid, I had no self esteem, this put them of and they either cheated or dumped me, so I suppose I took the easy option with my missus but it was a big mistake, great girl, she is mad about me, but I don't fancy her at all:weep: