Baby_Doll
27-09-08, 12:44
I vaguely introduced my situation in a previous thread... This will probably end up being rather long but please bare with it :)
I have been trying to obtain help for my agoraphobia for about a year with no luck. The area I was previously in offered no help at all...I was new to the area and therefore not registered with a doctors practice, so before even starting to seek help I needed to register...not as easy as I thought! Because of the agoraphobia I was obviously unable to go in person to register, so instead I phoned up every surgery in the area....and got turned down again and again! With one surgery, I was waiting on the end of the phone while the receptionist (who had never even heard of agoraphobia) relayed my situation to the Doctor to check whether they could come out to see me/let me register by post....I was disgusted to hear hysterical laughter coming from the Doctor and a flat out 'no!'. When I asked if there was anyone else I could contact to try to obtain help, the response was the same. Even the local PCT was less than useless, the guy on the other end of the phone couldn't sound any more disinterested and had no information and no pointers in any direction! Needless to say I was pretty downtrodden after summoning up the nerve to try and find help, and then be faced with so many insensitive and ignorant people.
I had to move back to my parents house (ordeal enough in itself) after that as I was unable to pay my rent and bills with dust and fluff...as obviously I couldnt work, and without medical help couldnt obtain financial aid. I registered to the local doctors which is luckily down the end of the street and was the one I visited regularly when I was younger...so it's familiar to me. I made the appointment and had to wait in the car and my Dad came to get me when I was called. I broke down into a complete mess as soon as I entered the room but the Doctor was very understanding thankfully. I explained to her that I didnt want to go down the route of medication again as I had a bad reaction to it before when I was prescribed medication for depression, she didn't entirely agree that it was best not to take it but respected my decision. She then stated that she thought CBT would be ideal for me and subsequently referred me to the Community Mental Health Team. I left the appointment feeling so proud of myself and positive about the outcome of my future!
The CMHT finally contacted me about 2/3 weeks later and organised to come out and visit me for an assesment the next day. Because I was in my own home environment, I was relatively calm....which didn't turn out to be an altogether good thing! They didn't seem to ask me the right questions, and because my brain was in overdrive I wasn't really able to volunteer much without prompting...and the questions, in hindsight, seemed to be steering me in a different direction. My history of sexual abuse came up and I could see the 'bingo!' popping up in their heads...so anything said after that seemed to be irrelevant to them. I do understand that the sexual abuse I experienced is part o the stem of my anxiety but it is my no means the only trigger! We barely even touched upon any of the rest of it. I was very upset that they kept referring to it as a 'sexually abusive relationship'....which I geuss is probably just part of their blarb...but that implies their was action on my behalf, which is something I deeply resent being implied.
I'm going off on a bit of a tangent....basically, immediately after the assesment I felt great about it and was really looking forward to the start of getting 'better'! But the more I think about it, the more flaws I can see in the procedure, certainly in my case. I don't think a full assesment of someones being can be made in one hour and a half meeting...to see different aspects of somebody you need to meet them more than once I feel.
The reason I'm writing all this now is because I recieved a copy of their report this morning. It is barely a page and a half of the most vague description of me they could've possibly found...they obviously had no real idea of my condition. One of the sections of the report is 'presentation', apparently I was dressed appropriately...nice to know, but I begin to wish I had've gone for the boxing gloves and tutu afterall!!
I feel so let down, they have given me a couple of leaflets about support groups (which I would be unable to attend due to my agoraphobia!!) and made the decision that I will 'not need any CMHT input'!!!! I can't believe it...just how bad is bad enough? I'm working towards recovery, I can just about leave my house and go to familar (empty) places for a limited amount of time but I by no means live any semblance of a 'normal' life! I'm 22 years old, I can't go back to my job, I can't go shopping, I can't go to pubs, I can't meet up with any of my friends outside of my house.....I bascially feel my life is on hold, it's more of an existance....and they feel I don't need help!? I feel I would be an ideal candidate for CBT as I have the determination to see it through...I am so desperate to get back to my life again, but I really don't feel I am able to fully recover without the appropriate help.
I'm so upset....where do I go from here???
I have been trying to obtain help for my agoraphobia for about a year with no luck. The area I was previously in offered no help at all...I was new to the area and therefore not registered with a doctors practice, so before even starting to seek help I needed to register...not as easy as I thought! Because of the agoraphobia I was obviously unable to go in person to register, so instead I phoned up every surgery in the area....and got turned down again and again! With one surgery, I was waiting on the end of the phone while the receptionist (who had never even heard of agoraphobia) relayed my situation to the Doctor to check whether they could come out to see me/let me register by post....I was disgusted to hear hysterical laughter coming from the Doctor and a flat out 'no!'. When I asked if there was anyone else I could contact to try to obtain help, the response was the same. Even the local PCT was less than useless, the guy on the other end of the phone couldn't sound any more disinterested and had no information and no pointers in any direction! Needless to say I was pretty downtrodden after summoning up the nerve to try and find help, and then be faced with so many insensitive and ignorant people.
I had to move back to my parents house (ordeal enough in itself) after that as I was unable to pay my rent and bills with dust and fluff...as obviously I couldnt work, and without medical help couldnt obtain financial aid. I registered to the local doctors which is luckily down the end of the street and was the one I visited regularly when I was younger...so it's familiar to me. I made the appointment and had to wait in the car and my Dad came to get me when I was called. I broke down into a complete mess as soon as I entered the room but the Doctor was very understanding thankfully. I explained to her that I didnt want to go down the route of medication again as I had a bad reaction to it before when I was prescribed medication for depression, she didn't entirely agree that it was best not to take it but respected my decision. She then stated that she thought CBT would be ideal for me and subsequently referred me to the Community Mental Health Team. I left the appointment feeling so proud of myself and positive about the outcome of my future!
The CMHT finally contacted me about 2/3 weeks later and organised to come out and visit me for an assesment the next day. Because I was in my own home environment, I was relatively calm....which didn't turn out to be an altogether good thing! They didn't seem to ask me the right questions, and because my brain was in overdrive I wasn't really able to volunteer much without prompting...and the questions, in hindsight, seemed to be steering me in a different direction. My history of sexual abuse came up and I could see the 'bingo!' popping up in their heads...so anything said after that seemed to be irrelevant to them. I do understand that the sexual abuse I experienced is part o the stem of my anxiety but it is my no means the only trigger! We barely even touched upon any of the rest of it. I was very upset that they kept referring to it as a 'sexually abusive relationship'....which I geuss is probably just part of their blarb...but that implies their was action on my behalf, which is something I deeply resent being implied.
I'm going off on a bit of a tangent....basically, immediately after the assesment I felt great about it and was really looking forward to the start of getting 'better'! But the more I think about it, the more flaws I can see in the procedure, certainly in my case. I don't think a full assesment of someones being can be made in one hour and a half meeting...to see different aspects of somebody you need to meet them more than once I feel.
The reason I'm writing all this now is because I recieved a copy of their report this morning. It is barely a page and a half of the most vague description of me they could've possibly found...they obviously had no real idea of my condition. One of the sections of the report is 'presentation', apparently I was dressed appropriately...nice to know, but I begin to wish I had've gone for the boxing gloves and tutu afterall!!
I feel so let down, they have given me a couple of leaflets about support groups (which I would be unable to attend due to my agoraphobia!!) and made the decision that I will 'not need any CMHT input'!!!! I can't believe it...just how bad is bad enough? I'm working towards recovery, I can just about leave my house and go to familar (empty) places for a limited amount of time but I by no means live any semblance of a 'normal' life! I'm 22 years old, I can't go back to my job, I can't go shopping, I can't go to pubs, I can't meet up with any of my friends outside of my house.....I bascially feel my life is on hold, it's more of an existance....and they feel I don't need help!? I feel I would be an ideal candidate for CBT as I have the determination to see it through...I am so desperate to get back to my life again, but I really don't feel I am able to fully recover without the appropriate help.
I'm so upset....where do I go from here???