View Full Version : My son has gone to University
Well the day has finally arrived and my son has left for University. The day I have been dreading for the past 6 months is now the reality.
My husband has taken him. My son didn't want me and Hannah to go as well as it would have been too hard, he said :weep:
I feel numb, crying but feeling on another planet. I can't imagine him not being here everyday, I feel as if I've been punched in the chest.
Of course I want him to go and experience life, I want him to have fun and get a good education. I will just miss him so very much.
Kate
HI Kate
Oh bless you, I cried for days when my eldest son left home and he was married then!
My youngest who is 28 is still at home and the day he goes goodness knows how i'll feel, (should have been gone ages ago hubby says):mad:
It is so hard to let go of your kids no matter what age, we feel as though they don't need us anymore which doesn't help.
It will take a bit of time and no doubt he'll be on the phone more often than not, all boys want their mum's no matter what they would have us believe:)
As hard as it is, please try not to get too upset, think of how proud you are of him, you have obviously done a damn good job in bringing him up, to teach him to be the best he can. He's doing that by going to uni.
And believe you me, he'll be home every chance he gets to see his mum, bringing his dirty washing with him:D
Cheer up Kate, it will pass even if it takes a while.
:hugs: :hugs:
hi
awww i can see it must be hard to let him go but you will get used to it and i bet he will be home plenty.
have a:bighug1:
take care
jodie xx
pinkpiglet
28-09-08, 11:21
Hiya Kate, i am sending you a hug:hugs: because even though my son is only 22 month old i am already dreading the day that he flys the nest. I have recently gone back to work just part time and i am struggling so much with having to leave him. It is tearing me apart. Your son as always been your baby and he still is, Ethan will always be mine, i know that much! Just because they grow up and become men and women does not mean that we will love them less. Infact, our love for them will grow stronger with every new day. You have given him wings and now he must use them to go out and explore the world. All the skills that you have taught him through the years will come into use and he is going to make you so so proud. It won't be long before he is back with a bag full of dirty laundry for you to get through. It will get easier i am sure but you might have some tears along the way. I will be thinking about you Kate, take care and try not to worry. Your son will be fine, and so will you XXX
P.S It is now time to do the things that you enjoy. You should get yourself a hobby and put your own skills to good use xxx:bighug1:
Give him a month or 2 and he will be having the best time of his life! I am currently far away from parents at uni and its very tough at first but after you settle in it is AMAZING!!! Trust me, he will be fine. He will miss you just as much as you miss him! I love it when my mum rings me! Not being a parent myself, I couldn't imagen what you must feel like but from being a male and a student myself, I know that I have bad times when I really miss home, but for the most of it I am having the best days of my life!
Best of luck kate :-)
x
Thanks everyone.
I will just miss him being here. He has never been any trouble to us at all, never a miserable person. He is just like a friend to me and also to my daughter who is feeling it badly too.
I'm sure it will get better, I just hope it gets better quickly!
Kate
Kate I know how you feel hun - just me and youngest piglet in our sty now!!
Big hugs and time to be getting serious about the saga holidays we planned lol! :yesyes: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Love Piglet :flowers:
Thanks Piglet, today has been awful :weep:
Kate
Kate Im sending you lots of hugs,I was devastated when my son went,he was brain damaged so i never thought he would go, but he did, and we coped, then my daughter went a few years later. I was physically sick each time they walked out the door. I got used to it,but I know how awful it is, pm me if I can help, feeling for you at at this time xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
He'll be bringing a huge pile of laundry for you to do in a couple of months, when he's home for Xmas.
Thanks both. Alexis I've pm'd you, mate :bighug1:
Kate
bluesparkle
29-09-08, 12:52
hi kate
i just wanted to send you some hugs :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
my eldest left home three years ago. . . and i missed her dreadfully, she used to ring every day then it stopped and i had to re assure myself that this was a good sign not a bad one, anyway my son came to see me few days ago to say he is moving in with his girlfriend, it will be local and she is lovely but it is still anouther one gone, two left at home now youngest is thirteen and she misses them loads, this will be our first xmas without the two eldest here and its a horrable feeling.
i just wanted to say i know how you feel, but it does get slightly easier, i dont think we ever stop worrying about our children.
rach
x
Thanks Rachel.
I'm not worried about him at all it's just my feelings of needing him here that are so depressing :blush:
He just phoned to say he has got a massive hangover and is off to Asda to do some shopping. His mate that he has known since yr 7 is also at the same Uni so that is nice.
Hopefully these feelings of despair/panic etc will soon go away.
Kate
Hi Kate, going to reply to your pm asap, glad he has a hangover, shows hes ok and enjoying,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Veronica H
30-09-08, 09:03
Hi Kate
My son is an only child and he is currently taking his A'Levels. He too is a great person to have around and I know that when he leaves for University I will be a complete mess. I console myself with the thought that if he did not show an interest in making it on his own then I would have failed him. You have done a good job. I am sure he will come home often because you all care for him so much.
Veronica
Thanks Veronica.
I went back to work today and it did help. Stopped me moping around! The evenings are the worst as most times we were all together at teatime fighting for kitchen space!
I must be feeling slightly better though as I've only had 1 little cry today :blush:
Kate
Sending you lots of hugs and love Kate :hugs: :hugs:
I appreciate this is hard for you but you are a good mum and I am sure you'll hear from him lots still. Glad he sounds like he has settled in.
Take care of yourself :hugs:
Karen xxx
Just want to send you some more hugs Kate,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thanks Karen and Alexis :bighug1:
Is it really only 4 days since he went, it seems like a lifetime since I saw him :ohmy: Hannah talked to him on MSN this evening. He was just going to iron his clothes ( :ohmy: blimey that will be a first) then off to Falmouth on a pub crawl.
I've been a lot better being at work at least I'm occupied from 8.30am til 3.30 pm, it's still the evenings that are the worst. I'm getting lots done though to keep occupied. Done the ironing, had a shower and cleaned Hannahs bedroom, and it's only 6.30pm!
Anyway, thanks everyone for being so understanding, I just had to write how I was feeling. Can't really talk about it with Hannah cos she gets upset and hubby just says we have to get on with it, which I know is true but I don't need to be told it :mad:
Kate
Hi Kate :D:hugs:
It is dame hard when are kids move on, ohh boy, do we miss them, my son has a new girlfriend and he stays in her house all the time.
It is true its part of life that they do move on, but we can't help who we are and it does take time to adjust, YOU ARE doing great hun, I feel its normal to have these feeling, its ok, but they do pass with time, I am sure you know this allready.
Just want to give you a hug hun :hugs:
YOU TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXXX
Thanks Jill :bighug1:
Kate x
Nearly a week now since he went and I'm managing to get through each day without much crying :blush:
Well, I was until he phoned me in the early hours of this morning. He is so happy, enjoying himself so much which of course I'm pleased about. But, hearing his voice again has just brought it all up again. I wanted to hear from him but all the feelings I've been pushing to the back of my mind have now resurfaced.
Do people without anxiety/depression feel like this? Should it be getting easier after a week? I feel like such a wimp not being able to cope with it. Like it shouldn't be such a big deal but to me it is.
Kate
Hun I think this is an across the board thing and not so much to do with our anxiety states. I know lots of parents who struggle with the whole empty nest syndrome.:shades:
I think it's brilliant that he has been able to do this and is happy - it's a great compliment to you mate that you have done such a super job raising him!!!:yesyes:
I guess there are lots of milestones in our own lives that we come to quite regularly - we've done the whole getting married thing and setting up a home, we've done the having babies and joining playgroups etc, we've done the getting them through school and all the parties and watching plays, and now we are ready for another stage in our lives where we move to find new things that just for the mo are more about us than our kids.
I tell you what Kate I would make the most of this independent interlude because before you know it they will be repeating our cycle and will want us back in there to help with their kids or new homes or whatever. You will always be his mum hun and a few miles doesn't change that!!! :hugs:
Love Piglet :flowers:
Thanks Piglet, your always there when I need some words of wisdom :hugs:
On the phone he said that he hasn't been sober all week :ohmy: He assures me he still has money left though. I gave him an Asda gift card before he went with some money on it so hope it went on food not alcohol :scared15:
Kate xx
Lol both my oldest piglets drink too (and far too much in my opinion but then at their age I too was a p*ss head so it would be hypocritical of me to go on and on and on about it - so I do anyway :D ) and middle piglet now smokes too :scared15: but yet again so did I until I fell pregnant - all part of the whole findin your feet I guess.
Actually youngest piglet is going to some older girl work friends tonight for a sort of sleepover and wasn't sure if to drink or not, so last night we tried out a smirnoff thing on her (she once got ridiculously stupid in Pizzahut years ago as the result of drinking too much Dr Pepper and she didn't want the same to happen if she had a alcoholic drink) and we both sat waiting for something to happen .... snort!!! I'm not sure what we were expecting but at least we know now that she doesn't turn into an alien after just the one!!
Anyway I will be a billy no mates tonight unless middle piglet shows up to sleep (cos I am nearer town than her new flat)!! So I dooooo understand the whole 'what do we do with ourselves next' idea and I am a work in progress myself lol!!
Love Piglet :flowers:
LOL at the Dr. Pepper! :D
I actually went OUT tonight, family meal for the mother in law, restaurant I'd never been to before :ohmy: I usually back out, but not this time, I was determined to go and I did :D
Anxiety was at about 1/10 which for me is a miracle. Maybe it's cos all my thoughts and feelings are preoccupied with Chris at the moment and not much room for panic of my own? Dunno but at least I went out :yesyes: My counsellor will keel over with shock when I tell her on Thursday :shades:
Anyway, what I was going to say was that Hannah had a WKD before we left home and 2 more while we were out :blush: and she was still standing and not slurring her words :roflmao:
Big Hugs to you, mate, for keeping me sane :D
Kate xx
Hi Kate, my son went to university in1999, in those days I was not like i am now, and I hated every minute of him going and being gone! so i think yes it is normal, I worried all the time as he was so quiet and a loner,and had spent a lot of his childhood in hospital going through major operations,and was left visually impaired so I worried even more,he couldnt see the number on the bus even,my daughter went a few years ago, she was very outgoing and could certainly stand up for herself, I never worried at all about her going but actually she never coped as well as he did, he got a degree and came home, she eventually settled there and is still studying as she opted for work instead at one stage.:blush:
I wont say he wont of spent asda card on booze but I bet at end of night hes found a pizza parlour or kebab shop??:shades:
glad you are coping a bit better, and a big well done for going out, xxxxxx
:yahoo: :yahoo:
Anyway, what I was going to say was that Hannah had a WKD before we left home and 2 more while we were out :blush: and she was still standing and not slurring her words :roflmao:
Kate xx
Me and youngest went into Waitrose last week specifically to buy some WKD (I thought it was the oil you put on rusty door screws) and then I proceeded to embarass her more than usual because we couldn't find it and I don't like being in supermarkets at the best of times, so I asked loudly where it was
"Scuse me do you sell 'Wicked'!!! :blush: :yesyes:
"What the hell did you say that for" she said :ohmy: :mad:
" I thought you kids said WKD cos it's short for wicked - like you do when your texting - sorry" :huh: :blush: :yesyes:
Piglet :flowers:
:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: Kate
I can sooooo relate to what you are going thru:weep:
My youngest left home 6 months ago and I missed him for months:weep:
Had just about got over it and went back to work and hubby and me settled into a nice little rut then BANG last weekend he came home again:doh:
Its nice to have him back but the house is a noisy pigsty again:wacko:
Being a parent isent easy:doh:
I think you just have to look for a new normal if that makes sense but never be complacent my 2 boys have been leaving home and returning again for years.......we call them "The boomerang boys" :roflmao:
Take care Kate:hugs:
Kaz x
Lol Piglet:roflmao:
Well done for going out Kate :yesyes:
Thinking of you :hugs:
Karen xx
spotty socks
05-10-08, 13:19
kate I am sending you lots of hugs, My middle child is 16 and gone off to the other side of the country to sixth form college. I will also loose my oldest to uni next year. I sympathise and understand what you are going through. We will have to make the most of them when they return in the holidays.
Take care
Spotty socks
Thanks all for your replies :hugs:
He phoned this evening but I didn't get to speak to him for long cos Hannah wanted to speak to him and also my mom and dad who had come over.
He said he still has £15 left on the Asda card so I will send him some more next week. Apparently there are a few of them pooling their food and all cooking and eating together, which is nice.
It was lovely hearing his voice but I was still in tears afterwards :blush:
He will be coming home a couple of days early at Christmas as he is having a knee operation on 10th December, he will then be at home for a month :D
All still seems a bit surreal at the moment.
Kate
I dreamt about Chris last night, then woke up with a stiff neck and just felt generally strange.
Was rushing around when I started having funny flashing lights in my eyes which then made me have a full blown panic attack :weep:
Phoned my dad and he said he would take Hannah to school for me. He arrived and I was still panicking, couldn't get my words out so panicked more. He dropped Hannah at school and then popped back to see if I was ok. My head is throbbing and I just feel so tearful. Feel completely drained and had to take the day off work.
I haven't felt this bad in ages, I'm so fed up :mad:
Kate
Aww matey (((((Kate))))).:hugs:
Do you feel abit better yet???
Piglet :flowers:
Hi Piglet, thanks so much for replying :hugs:
Felt very spaced out til about midday but then felt a bit better though still got a funny head. Think it might be due to the sleeping on my neck funny :weep:
I just feel like I'm going backwards, panic awful, feeling low though not clinically depressed, think I'm perimenospausal and just FED UP :mad:
Anyway, thanks for replying. How are you today?
Kate xx
Honeybee was saying this a little bit on her thread about menopause etc - and certainly the 3 of us are a delicate age shall we say, so I guess our hormones don't help any do they!
In someways Kate it's hard when we do have a particualarly bad day isn't it because we almost (not quite but almost) forget for a bit how foul panic feels and then when we get it back it's a shock again. However mate you do mega well 99% of the time so little hiccups here and there are not to be fretted over!!
I'm not too bad just at present (having had a really rocky 6 months from Dec onwards last year - the worst I've had in the last 8 years due to too much stress). I am getting out and about regularly into town with youngest piglet this last couple of months. I even walk to meet off the bus on my own on her late night at college which is a good bit of exposure.
I've been tackling lots of things like the dentist, opticians and even had a smear (lets not go there cos we get silly on that subject don't we) and have felt much better in myself altogether. I think alot of us old timers on here have struggled this year so it must be in the water.
I would like to aim to start using the bus again soon and other funny little bits and bobs ............ but just taking it one bit at a time for now.
Love Piglet :flowers:
Piglet, you are doing so well :D You are tackling so many things, I'm proud of you!
I do think you forget how awful a PA can be when you haven't had a full blown one in so long. I really don't think hormones are helping at all to be honest. Have been and bought some Menopause care tablets from Sainsburys today. They contain soya isoflavones (!), vit B and calcium. I heard that soya can help greatly so we will see!
I was due the dreaded smear in June and keep putting it off, will book it for half term week I suppose :blush:
Thanks again for your support :hugs:
Love Kate xx
Yes I'd heard that about soya too - funny cos I drink soya milk now and have done for several years because I've always had a slight milk allergy (I can drink it just not too much) and now I don't really like the taste of cows milk!
Also both Andy and I are trying Biocares Agnus Castus (www.bodykind.com (http://www.bodykind.co.uk)) cos that's supposed to be good too. I've been taking it for about 3 weeks and Andy's just started, so I will let you know how I go with that. I think it's supposed to support the hormones etc.
Also I've just managed to download the Paul Mckenna Agoraphobia session from a link on another thread which I am so pleased about because I had real success with him do you remember last year and I've been wanting to get this one for awhile. What's more I did it and then put it onto a cd and all without teenage involvement lol!!!
Piglet :flowers:
jonjojack10
01-10-13, 10:52
Hi,
My son left for uni last Sunday he is only a two hour drive away but it feels like miles, i cant eat i feel sick all the time, i cant go in his bedroom without crying,
everything i do reminds me of him i just want to go to bed and sleep all the time i miss him so much, i miss his smell his smile i just need him here with me.
At the same time i am so very proud of him and he is having a fantastic time.
I feel so selfish for feeling this way but i cant help it....... will it get better???
cokesmyth5
01-10-13, 16:31
I took my son to uni for the first time last Wed. He was convinced I was going to cry when I left him in his room but I surprised myself and didn't. I just felt very empty and lonely. It is made worse because my husband has not long gone abroad to work for 2 years. Thank goodness my daughter and I get on so well! I'm trying not to phone/Skype my boy too much but I really miss hearing "what's for dinner mum?", his laughter. his hugs. the chat, but not the dirty washing!
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