Always looking for reassurance

[andie73]

Hi guys,

Haven't posted a thread for a while so maybe a bit rusty lol.

Dunno what's got into me lately, I just can't believe people when they say I haven't annoyed them, upset them, irritated the etc etc.

I've got a work friend who I get on really well with and have met up with outside of work twice in last few months ( we're both female and married by the way, lol). Anyway, I asked if she wanted to meet for coffee sometime soon, and she made a joke about coming over to where I gonna be on holiday in 2 weeks. As she goes there all the time herself, has friends there, and it takes about an hour and half to get there, I didn't realise it was a joke.

I told my hubby she was gonna come over etc etc. I e mailed her next day asking if she was bring her hubby etc, and what day she would come, she said it was a joke. I felt really stupid!!! That was on Thursday and as I don't work Thurs and Fri tomorrow is the first day I will see her.

I got in such a state on Friday thinking that I wasn't the kind of person anyone would want to be mates with my hubby rang her. She said everything was fine and that I was too much of a worrier, which I am.

Still, problem is, I really like doing stuff with her as we get on well and have a good time. She just doesn't get as much time as me as works more, and is not really a massive socialiser. i feel as if I've made myself look desperate for friends as she now knows how insecure I am and how little I think of myself.

I feel really stupid posting about this, as it sounds so silly. I just feel rejected. She didn't say no to meeting up, she just didn't agree to it. I see that as confirmation I'm not friend material.

I'm really dreading work tomorrow as I can't avoid her as we work nearby. I've sent her a text to try and get some reassurance, but had no reply. Again this is confirming my beliefs about myself. Am I being stupid about all this???? I feel a bit anxious, help????

:wacko:

[feels_like_home]

I think anxiety messes with our self esteem. Try to find things to do that will increase your confidence. I am a worrier like you and am always afraid I am annoying my friends. I am working on my confidence because I think it will help me feel much better.
Take care.
Michelle

[jodie]

hiya

i think Michelle is right and messes with our self esteem,i think you do need to feel better about yourself that will make things easier in your life and how you make friends etc ,dont be to hard on yourself Hun
:hugs:

jodie xx

[pinkpiglet]

Oh Andie, you are not been stupid. This is something that you are worrying about and to be honest i know alot of people who take things at face value. You misunderstood your friend which is easily done (and we have all done it!) especially if she sounded very serious in what she said. The best thing you can do is to just forget about it and make a joke of it if necessary. You should not continue to get yourself into a state about it all as you are going to make yourself ill. It is a simple mistake & your friend will probably not even give it another thought.

[Hope 2]

Hey Andrea

The need for reassurance is cos you feel inadequate/unworthy of someone's friendship. I have had times like that. I think you should laugh it off and play it by ear. If this lass is good friendship material herself, that you deserve, it will all work out.

Try not too worry anymore, I do daft things all the time and I have just learnt to laugh at myself :blush: xx
Julia xx

[andie73]

Thanks Guys,

You've really cheered me up. I'm just preparing to go to work now. I'm not really looking forward to it, but I know I have to face it. Avoidance will only make it harder.

You're all right my anxiety is making things seem worse and it is all about my own negative self image. I expect people to dislike me as I don't particularly like myself. The truth is they probably don't see me like that.

Thanks again for your replies, I felt so silly and immature for posting about it.

[kate]

I used to be soooo like you. Always apologising for being me, I suppose.

With counselling I did eventually manage to raise my self esteem and now I really don't give a poo if people want me for a friend or not :D

Good luck today and don't beat yourself up over it!

Kate

[daisymaisy]

Hi Andrea

I am the same as you - always thinking I've upset someone and then trying to put it right and then worrying they'll think I'm stupid because they'd forgotten all about what I said anyway!!

A counsellor once said to me that whenever we feel we've done something stupid and everyone will be talking about it that in fact they don't. She said that people have their own lives and problems to deal with which are much bigger than any insignificant thing that we might have done. Chances are once they get home and there's a big bill, family crisis or whatever they will have completely forgotten whatever we might have done. Probably not worded this very well but hope you know what I'm trying to say.

Hope all went well at work.

daisy x

[andie73]

Awe Thanks

I went to work and felt awful most of the day. Things were fine with my friend and she was really nice to me. It's weird but after I found out things were ok, the panic seemed to get worse. I could feel it welling up inside. It didn't help when someone collapsed in front of me, I work in a hospital. My health anx came flooding back, and I ended up having a panic attack. I just wanted to run. But my mate was really good and just told me to talk to her about anything but negative stuff. Pretty soon I was having a right laugh.

I've had palpatations since getting home but I'm telling myself it's just the aftermath of the anx day. Do any of you get a panic attack after the event that you've worried about? Almost like a release of all that anxiety that has built up. Sounds weird, but I'm trying not to focus on it too much.

Thanks again.