please help.. dreading my friends wedding!!

[lou77]

Im really hoping someone can give me some good advice on this one! My friend is getting married next week and i agreed to be bridesmaid when my panic attacks were pretty mild,they have since got much worse and although im on meds now im dreading her wedding. my dress is a boned corset top which is difficult to breath in at the best of times and if i panic its gonna be so much worse. I have been worrying non stop about this,what if i panic alking down the aisle and pass out? what if i panic during the service,im right at the front and cant get out easily? got the dress hanging up at home and just looking at it makes me feel ill and unable to breath properly. I have tried talking to my friend about it but she doesnt really understand and i feel so guilty at the thought of letting her down. Please,if anyone has any advice,discreet techniques to stop an attack before it gets to much or anything that may help I will be so grateful, i really dont know what to do.

[ricric]

Hi Lou, I have had much experience of being nervous at weddings over the last two years. Both my parents have re married, and both occassions were very very very nerve racking for me...

At my Moms, I gave her away, I saw people there, that I hadnt seen for a long time. And I had put on a lot of weight. So when I was walking down the aisle with my mom, I worried that people would be concentrating on my weight gain than anything else. But guess what, they were more concerned with the dashing bride (my mom)

At my dads, after losing two stone, and then re gaining it, I had all these other relatives, who I had not seen, and there was a lot of bad history, between my nan who had passed away 12 months earlier, I went thinking I would be labelled, and ignored, but....Guess what?, they were more concerned with my Dad, and his wife getting married, and the concentration was all on them, I was spoke to and had a fantastic time..

The thing is, no matter what you imagine will happen, it will never ever be that bad..

Imagine the worst thing possible, and say what if?? Then answer that what if..

So say you do pass out, and everyone is there, what would happen....(worst case scenario) People would be very worried about you, seek help, and make sure you were ok, you would get help, maybe go the hospital and worry the happy couple, and then probably make a full recovery, and make it back for the speeches. :D
So answer your worst fears about the wedding, give yourself reassurance, and enjoy yourself..

I know that scenario might, sound frightening, but its just worst case, and it will not happen, but at least you know what would happen instead of worrying about it!!! You will cope. And the day will continue, and will be a happy one..

So in short. I dredded, going to my parents wedding, and even took diazepam, but once I was there, and doing it, it went well, and I even ended up enjoying myself. The anticipation is soooo much worse than the actual event!! I promise!!!!

Answer your what ifs, that way your not feeding the monstor:bighug1: :bighug1:

Come back and tell us how weel it went, and what a fantastic time, you had...:winks: :winks: :yahoo:

[titchjd]

Hiya hun .....
Im in exactly same situation ...Im bridesmaid next month and agreed 2 it last year when my anxiety was very mild ..since then ive had a mild breakdown and have been agoraphobic and had severe anxiety I am only just gettin back on track ....I think about it everyday and picyure what could happen .

i have been practising deep breathing and learning how 2 relax when anxious and telling my self this will pass .....like you my friend doesnt totally understand and thinks you can just get on with it ....she has been understanding but I also know shes getting bit worried that I cant do it ......

all I can say is picture yourself doing it as if watchin a film and see yourself calm and gettin through it rather than anxious and relaxing when going down the aisle ..look at things around you and take your mind off other thoughts .

Just keep saying this will pass......i do totally understand how u feel as I feel the same everyday .....I also have the Hen nyt 2 deal with first which is making me anxious aswell x

Wishing u all the best and let us know how it goes xxx
Titchjd xxxxxxxxxx

[freakedout]

Hi lou77

Well if I were in your situation I would feel exactly the same. Will you be able to sit at the end of a row in the church so that you have a bit more space around you? I rely on diazepam for helping me to cope with situations that I cannot avoid. I think that the anticipation is often far worse than the actual event, and that once the wedding is under way you will start to relax a little. Just keep watching the bride and groom to take your mind off yourself.

I hope you are ok and am sure that you will enjoy it once you get over the initial nerves. You will be so proud of yourself afterwards, go for it be a smashing bridesmaid and have a day to remember.

Much luck

Freaky

[lou77]

thank you so much for all your advice,the day is coming round so quickly i cant believe it! I have been playing the day in my head like a film,trying to imagine it going well,im hoping this will help! Have had a chat with the bride to be and although i am sitting at the front she has made sure i am near a door in case i need to escape. My meds are helping my attacks,i even managed to go shopping in asda last nite for the first time in months and months.all these steps are making me feel more positive,slowly but surely! I dont know what i would do if i didnt have you guys to talk to about this tho,my friends are great but they dont really understand just how it affects me. I escaped going to the hen nite cos i couldnt talk about it then,i really dont wanna miss the wedding! You have been brilliant tho,thank you all so much,will let you know how it goes!
:bighug1:

[titchjd]

Hiya ...

Just 2 say best of luck at wedding ..you will be fine ..just think 2 yourself it will pass if you start 2 get anxious and think of us here all behind u ..if u get anxious just picture us sittin on yr shoulder helping you through it xxx

Wish u all the best ..please let me know how u get on xxxx:yesyes:

[ricric]

Lou it will finish as fast as it comes! And you will wander why oh why did I worry about it!! Guarantted!!!!!

[lou77]

:yahoo: Yey,i did it! I cant believe i went thru with it. Had major panic about an hour before the service but had a wonderful friend there who helped me thru it. Got to the church with my rescue remedy spray in hand just in case but between dealing with another bridesmaid stressing out about stuff and the bride being all tearful i didnt have time to think any negative thoughts. I walked down the aisle next to another bridesmaid which really helped and everything went ok. Cant say i didnt have a few panic moments but the service was just so lovely i was totally focused on that.
Everything was going fine thruout the whole day,had my godson following me around most of the day so he kept my mind off it. i did have to leave by the time the guests for the evening do started arriving,that was just too much for me to cope with,but i made it thru the main part of the day,cant believe i did it! Thank you all for all your advice,certainly helped me get thru.
:bighug1:

[titchjd]

YEAH fantastic .....well done you , I have been wondering how you got on .

Be so proud of yourself hun and even though you had a few panic moments you dealt with them ....xxx

I hope my day at wedding is as successfulx

Big big hugs :bighug1:

[lorac]

Hi

I was so pleased to read that you managed to be bridesmaid and all went ok. Well done

Carol

[lou77]

YEAH fantastic .....well done you , I have been wondering how you got on .

Be so proud of yourself hun and even though you had a few panic moments you dealt with them ....xxx

I hope my day at wedding is as successfulx

Big big hugs :bighug1:
Im sure you will do ok,i really hope you manage to get thru at least some of the day, even tho i was dreading it im so glad i made myself go thru with it and was able to share in my friends day. Im finding its also helping me now,if i start to worry or panic i just say to myself if i can get thru that wedding i get get thru anything,for now its helping,just hope it continues!

[titchjd]

Thanx m8 I hope I do it aswell ..Im goin 2 try my best x
I can imagine it has given you a great confidence boost and I agree if you can do that you can do anything you put your mind 2 xxxxxxx

It will continue hun and even if you have the odd blip you will know u can do it x


Titchjd xxxxxxxxxx

[lou77]

all you can do is try your best,i was convinced i would not go thru with it,just took it step by step:bit like that episode of friends where chandler was freaking out about the wedding! Just focus on what you are doing then and try not to think of what you have to do next. If you try your best and it doesnt all go to plan then at least you tried,you didnt run away or let it beat you. Also had the comments from here going round my head to get me thru. Not sure if this works for you but i also had a bottle of rescue remedy in my bag,not sure if it helps,could be the taste is so disgusting it shocks me out of panic! but its like my security blanket,just knowing i had it with me helped me out as well.
Please let us know how you get on xx