View Full Version : What separates us?
As an anxiety sufferer for roughly 40 years, I now find myself wondering how different am I from others?
Is the 'pain' I feel different from how others may feel it?
Are my 'thoughts' different from other peoples thoughts?
Am I really crazy but able to hide it?
Why am I so sensitive about things?
Why do I worry so much?
And so on!
I have now noticed that as I become older, I reflect upon my past life and realise that I have done nothing in order to 'help the world along'!
Regretably, I have no children because of my own stupidity and selfishness in the past. My wife and stepson left me some 8 years ago for reasons I still don't really know off and because of their lack of communication, probably never will! I have no other family to speak off apart from a brother 4000 miles away. Like most sufferers, I have had the self esteem and confidence kicked out of me because of the verbal abuse from 'loved ones' in the past.
How many of us have so much love to give but get it thrown back in our faces? I have not been in a relationship for 8 years and find it very hard to see one in the future because my anxiety has led me to believe that;
I am not the most attractive of men.
Who's going to want me in this state?
I cannot trust anyone anymore.
And so on.
Many of you on the site will be aware that I have a very dry sense of humour. I am told I make people laugh. I am also told by some of the people I know personally that 'everyone likes me'...........so...........why am I so bloody alone???
Why is it that even if we were in a room full of 100 people all wanting to shake our hand or hug us or talk to us............in our heart, we are so alone?
What is it that makes us this way?
I never used to be quite so sensitive when I was youger, a little, but not as much. Now, I can't watch a movie or listen to beautiful music without even getting a lump in my throat. I feel sad this time of year because everything is dying off in the garden. I cannot watch the commercials on TV about child cruelty because I can literally feel their pain - even though I was not neglected in my own childhood. I do not read papers anymore or watch the news.
I know there are many wonderfull people on this forum who will always offer their thoughts and hugs - as I would to them. But this does not take away the 'pain' or frustration or torture, however comforting it may be!
No matter how many hobbies we have or whatever we do to try and occupy our minds in order to relieve the 'thoughts' that depress us, we are still imprisoned by the 'fog' of anxiety that is always trying to destroy us. Everyday is a battle, we become exhausted through fighting only to have to fight the next one tomorrow. Other people just get up and go to work or do the normal everyday chores without any problems. For us, we never really know how we will feel when we awake tomorrow.
What separates us fom them?
Thank you for reading.
Kevin.
I believe that what separates "us" from "them" are just our own thoughts and states of mind. We become too sensitive to what others think of us and how they perceive us. We are even too sensitive about how we perceive ourselves and what we actually feel (emotionally and physically). We punish ourselves for not acting in a certain way or because we haven't done something that was expected of us. Who cares???!!! I believe that the people who are truly happy are the people who are being themselves every day. The people who, regardless of what everyone else thinks of them, do what they believe is right for them and the people around them. After all, how can you be happy if you are not yourself????
It's a trap that is easy to fall into but hard to get out of, just like it is easier to destroy rather than build something. It's also easier to dig a deeper hole than try a to find a way out, once you are in the trap. It takes persistence and dedication, acceptance and time. Shifting from a "doom" mentality to an "I feel happy" mentality is no easy work. I truly believe that a person makes their own chances (with some exceptions of course). You can...if you choose to...
Just my 2 cents.
Hiya kev. I think even anxiety can seperate into different parts. There are the people who suffer because of past abuse, or a bad home life, and this has led to very low self-worth hence depression and and anxiety. There are the people who suffer with anxiety because they might have fainted or felt a physical sensation that they didnt like and dreaded it happening again, hence health anxiety. There are the people who have suffered a loss after a lifetime of happiness and that loss has affected them so deeply that they are in despair and anxiety can take hold very quickly.
I guess what makes us all different is how we react to whatever comes along for us. Its easy to have an 'us and them' way of looking at people when part of a forum that focuses only on sensitive people like us, but if you broaden it, we are all just part of the whole melting pot of people out there, all dealing with life in different ways.
For example, i can sit here in this apartment all day, not doing anything much, not particularly fed up fortunately, maybe a little bored sometimes, but i can read my books, listen to my music, watch a bit of tv, sit on the balcony
and chill, or go for a walk if i feel up to it. I can lie in in the mornings if i want to also. Im lucky because after many years of working and being a single parent, I now have a man who loves me and takes care of me....so why am i the anxious, stressed one with high bp? He on the other hand is up at 6, at work at 7 to face another day of hard work that he doesnt particularly like very much (but hes the boss so has to be there!) and yet he wouldnt class himself as an anxious person and nor would I. So what makes us different? Maybe just the way we react to things...the cup half empty/half full thing....maybe just attitude and allowing ourselves to wallow in it all?
Interesting though yes? :) xxxx
hiya kev, u should not put your self down so much matey,i for one on here along with loads of others think u r very funny and caring, that says a hell of alot when it comes to blokes hehe.
looks are definately not important to most women even though i bet u r not exactly shrek haha, sorry, but i bet u are nice but its just your low self esteem and lack of confidence that makes you believe that.
women love a man who is caring and also funny and you have those qualities so go look in that mirror and big yourself up abit hunny cos u worth it.
you will meet someone else in your life once u get out and about abit more probably and until then just work on yourself, your self esteem etc and take small steps to making yourself feel better what ever that mayb be for you.
im sure you will get through this, you just got to try and leave the past and look forward to the future, hugs kev and i always here if u need to have a moan or groan haha and u got lots support here xxxx
Hi Kevin
Good thread, food for thought........ hmmm don't know where this is gonna go but I will contribute anyway.
I have always felt different and have no sense of belonging, even now (I am 36).
I am just begining to get an idea of 'what it is all about', how I am and how I feel.
I agree with the idea that we are all just a tiny part of something huge. The thing that separates is, I feel is us, ourselves, we do. I think anxiety and the problems that brings for us as individuals, helps us to create the belief we are indifferent to others. The last seven years have been a waste of my life, something good has come from it though. Insight and understanding, on my part, of what is real.
An example that springs to mind is that of the effects of mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety on the individual. The isolation that these problems bring can be devastating............ forcing myself out there (from behind my mask) and really talking to people made me see things in a new light. Yes there are plenty of people who are devoid of emotion and sensitivity. Or so it seems. I am trying to say that not everyone is who they seem. Not everyone feels safe in their own skin, are confident, happy, find life a breeze, they just appear too. Maybe I came across as one of those people prior to my mental collapse.
So it has taken 7 years. Only when I took the difficult step of opening up, being real and honest, did I discover that I am actually not that different nor the outcast from life, from a mental health perspective. I still have problems feeling part of anything in general, but I am working on it. Life is a journey and all that lol !!
In summary, I think WE separate 'us'................. our own thoughts and reactions contribute to our difference...............hopefully you will see where I am coming from after reading the above :blush: .
Cheerio, Julia xx
kev
you sound a decent caring sensitive bloke, sending you a big one mate
(hug)
love
Heather
Hi Kevin,
Sorry to hear you sounding so down. I think one thing that is different about anxiety sufferers v's non anxiety sufferers is that we have to work everyday to keep the monsters at bay while trying to deal with life in general. It's tiring to say the least and I believe at times this can effect the relationships with those we love and live with. It may be the sense that we as sufferers are not 100% 'there' for them. It may not be spoken off and may just be a feeling people get but I do believe this happens and I also believe that their being less than patient and telling us to "get over it" or "suck it up" are because of this.
I don't know how to fix that but you can try to find someone who understands they are harder to find in my opinion, but they are out there so don't give up that you will meet someone to share your life. You sound like a lovely person and a kind one...I am sure there is someone out there for you. Don't lose hope because your ex-wife and step son left you, sounds like they just couldn't understand or relate.
Sending good wishes your way!
Lila
Hallo Kevin
Is your pain different to what others' feel - I don't know. I know how mine feels and it can be shere torture. I may even put a message on the forum -"Describe the pain you feel from anxiety/depression".
Your pain is being created by the thoughts of the happy life you once had with your wife and stepson. These thoughts are torturing you and hence making you feel that you have nothing in life now. Of course this isn't true. I feel like I'm "teaching my granny to suck eggs" - you being such a wise man.
You are not crazy, you know that! Being crazy is not a man who feels deep emotional pain when hearing of child cruelty on the television. You are a good man, a sensitive man who is in pain that's all.
Who wouldn't be in pain with this demon anxiety sitting on our shoulder. Who could feel happy knowing that the everyday things that normal people don't even think about are such a task for us. Those lucky ones out there, the "normals" lack our sensitivity and that's what makes us different. That doesn't stop us envying them though does it?
You are not the most attractive of men?? How do you know that? You may see yourself as not the most attractive man but how do you know what others see in your face? Beauty comes from within us - our personalities shine out through our eyes - and people see this. Stop beating yourself up please. I am sure you are not an unattractive man at all - I reckon you could possibly be a Brad Pitt lookalike but you just can't see it!!! If you are a Brad Pitt lookalike my phone number is.................... lol xx
Who is going to want you in this state? Well, lots of women would - your anxiety is not YOU - anxiety is just an infiltrator. The real you is there - it's not as if your anxiety is all there is to Kevin. "I suffer anxiety therefore I am......... ugly, worthless, not worth knowing"........ I bet you wouldn't agree with that statement Kevin, but that's the way you're thinking and it's wrong!!!!!!
Lordy, lordy come and take away our self destructive and self sabotaging thoughts!!!! These are the demons the thoughts that want to destroy us.
You can trust people, don't let one person who did you wrong make you think that no one else can be trusted - again it isn't true and you know it.
What separates us from other people is merely that we have lost our self confidence and our self confidence has been battered down by the anxiety. We really have to fight back and start beating the anxiety down.
You really must start to acknowledge all your good points; you know what they are. Put them on stick it notes all over the house. Get a photograph of yourself, enlarge it and put it on the wall with the words "I am very good looking" underneath it - in BIG letters.
Your real problem is that you are like a lot of us on here, you have lots to offer but can't get out there and present ourselves to the world. It's tragic isn't it. How we get there I just don't know. What I do know is that we mustn't give up. It is hard, and we do feel like throwing in the towel a lot of the time but we mustn't. We have to hope for a better tomorrow and keep hoping and keep slogging ourselves to get to that better tomorrow.
This illness is very frustrating because we do try so hard and often get little reward. Why is it we can keep going into feared situations/places and we can be ok yet the next day feel the same fear we did the day before - as if doing the "thing" for the first time again. It does hurt us so much - this is why we get so low. If anyone can answer my question I'd be grateful.
Oh sorry...... back to you Kevin - was just thinking aloud above lol. Please don't give up on yourself - just continue to do what you do and start brainwashing yourself into knowing you are a very worthwhile person in all respects. Kick the thoughts up the bum!!
Love to all
May I just say a Thank You to all my dear friends who have responded to my post. Your words as usual are touching as is your compassion.
God Bless You.
Kevin.
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