pauline
27-05-05, 09:49
Hi All
Not posted for ages. I am alot better but i am still stuggling with the going away from home. I work 2 part-time jobs one of which i am now a supervisor and cope ok. I suppose i just do not have the time to come on here as much as i did when i was not working. At nights i am so tired as i still do not sleep that well.
But anyway on to my reason for posting. Since having the computer i have found 2 very good friends and one of those lives in York. She has been down to see me unfortunatly i have not managed the return journey but she understands the reason why. We had arranged that this Bank Holiday she would come and stay with me for a few days and i was looking forward to it ( she only came for the day last time and even then i was so very panicky). As the time got closer and closer to the day it's here now i have been feeling very anxioues. so the other day i sent her a email and cancelled and i feel very sad about this. You see my problem is that though i love people and feel lonely alot having anxiety. I panic terribly in the house and more so when people are around me i just want them to go its like a big weight has been lifted once they have gone and i can start breathing again.
So there was me thinking she will of made this effort to come all that way and i will be a mess and just want the time to go and whats the point in that. Its not as if its even say this friend its anyone even my own family. You see i keep it in ashamed of the way i am feeling and thinking what is it, look these poeple love you they only want the best for you and here you are panicing like mad. I suppose at the end of the day its because i feel i will fall apart make a fool of myself.
What i want to know is there anything i can do to help myself? I need to start making more friends but if i have to keep turning people down how am i ever going to keep friends.
Thanks and take care
pauline
Not posted for ages. I am alot better but i am still stuggling with the going away from home. I work 2 part-time jobs one of which i am now a supervisor and cope ok. I suppose i just do not have the time to come on here as much as i did when i was not working. At nights i am so tired as i still do not sleep that well.
But anyway on to my reason for posting. Since having the computer i have found 2 very good friends and one of those lives in York. She has been down to see me unfortunatly i have not managed the return journey but she understands the reason why. We had arranged that this Bank Holiday she would come and stay with me for a few days and i was looking forward to it ( she only came for the day last time and even then i was so very panicky). As the time got closer and closer to the day it's here now i have been feeling very anxioues. so the other day i sent her a email and cancelled and i feel very sad about this. You see my problem is that though i love people and feel lonely alot having anxiety. I panic terribly in the house and more so when people are around me i just want them to go its like a big weight has been lifted once they have gone and i can start breathing again.
So there was me thinking she will of made this effort to come all that way and i will be a mess and just want the time to go and whats the point in that. Its not as if its even say this friend its anyone even my own family. You see i keep it in ashamed of the way i am feeling and thinking what is it, look these poeple love you they only want the best for you and here you are panicing like mad. I suppose at the end of the day its because i feel i will fall apart make a fool of myself.
What i want to know is there anything i can do to help myself? I need to start making more friends but if i have to keep turning people down how am i ever going to keep friends.
Thanks and take care
pauline