In Hell

[ShellyE]

Hi Everyone,
I hope you don't mind me writing in.
I'm new to writing in here but I've read many of your posts and they have helped me a great deal.
I've suffered from HA now for 13 years, some times have been worse than others, I've had just about every test / symptom that you can imagine but this is by far the worst that I'm going through at the moment - I feel like I'm in hell.

I've suffered alot with a whole host of stomach problems over the past 13 years....and unfortunately, my way of dealing with my HA has been to drink a bottle of red wine / smoke 10 cigs everynight and fall into bed.

I have 2 children now and a couple of weeks ago, I made the decision that I had to change my life style - the drinking etc.... had to stop and I was going to start dealing with the HA instead of masking it under alcohol. My stomach was starting to get really bad, I was in alot of pain and the stomach acid was terrible.

I went to the dr - she started me on 10mg Citalopram (on day 13 now !!) and 40mgs Omeprazole for my stomach.
Half way through last week - I started feeling like I was having trouble swallowing, like food was sticking in my throat and in my oesphagus, then after eating something, I was feeling really sick. I then started getting pain under my left shoulder blade, spreading to the middle of my back.
Now I've lost my appetite and I'm struggling to eat (for fear of it sticking - and I feel too sick to eat)....of course, upon googling symptoms (worst thing I ever did), these are also the symptoms of Cancer of the Oesophagus....
I am in some state now, I can't stop crying and shaking, I can harldy even look at my children or my hubby as all I've got going through my head is "how they're going to be left with a mother and a wife soon".....we're off to Florida on holiday in 6 weeks, I should be really happy and excited - but I'm so convinced that I'm going to gone by 6 weeks time that I can't even think about going on holiday !!
I was back at the doc yesterday, she gave me some other tablets to help my stomach and said that it's going to take a few weeks to sort itself out. She didn't seem concerned about the pain etc....and she told me to stick with the Citalopram. Though I'm not re-assured.
In all my tests that I've had, I've not had an endoscopy (spelling ??) as none of the docs that I've seen have ever thought I was sick enough to warrant one, now I'm seriously considering asking my doc to refer me for one....
My dad had a lot of stomach problems before he died and my mum died of cancer a few years ago !!
Any help / advice etc.... would be greatly apprecaited, I feel like I'm hanging on to sanity here with my fingertips......

Many many thanks for reading.
Shelly.

[joyce1980]

Health anxiety at it's worst.

might need an increase in meds and so I would talk to your Dr now so your better for your holiday.

Your meds take 4 weeks to kick in like mine (seroxat) and for the first few weeks you will feel worse, you have made it 13 years so 2 weeks and a Drs visit is a walk in the park for you, your a tough cookie.

Now perhaps stopping all of your drinking and cigs at once is not the best idea, how about you break it down over a 3 week period and set yourself a realistic goal, when i say realistic, make sure you can acheive it or you will feel worse,

I'll bet like me, you have had sooo many blood tests and they are all clear, trust me you Dr would know what cancer symptoms look like. I promis

Also all of the problems you just told me are the most common anxiety symptoms.

Good luck

[nanny]

Hi Shelly

Try and stick with the citalopram, they worked for me and hopefully will for you too.
You sound as though you are going through hell at present and with the worry of your Mum dying of cancer and your dad's stomach problems i'm not at all surprised!

Can you not go back to the doctor and sit and explain how very bad you're feeling right now, explain your worries and ask for the tests you want, even if it's to put your mind at rest.
Try to look forward to your holiday, you'll still be here and next thing we know you'll be posting telling us what a great time you've had:)

You'll probably get more replies giving you better advice than i have:blush: but hoped i've helped a tiny bit.

Thinking of you:hugs:

[ShellyE]

thanks so much for your replies.
I'm sitting here - the tears are rolling down my face, my poor daughter is sitting crying with me - god this is awful !!
I've just tried to eat a banana and yogurt for breakfast - managed the yogurt - but half way through the banana, I just thought "I feel full up" - this way the same as my mum - this was how she started with hers.....
It's hard to get through this.
I know, i'm really trying to look forward to our holiday.
Thanks again for your replies.
Shelly.

[ShellyE]

Hi

I've just phoned the dr again.
Spoke to the receptionist, she was fantastic - said that I didn't have to worry about bothering the doctor etc...(she suffered badly from anxiety herself for years, so totally understands what like it is)....
I'm going back in to see the dr tonight at 6 o'clock.
I'll let you know - how it goes.

Thanks again everyone for reading.

Shelly

[missy_swallows]

just to let you know a side effect of the med you are on is loss of appetite! good luckj at the drs and you will be fine xxx

[joyce1980]

Oh that's wonderful

What a great positive step

[nanny]

Hi again Shelly

Glad you have managed to get into the doctors again, explain all that you feel, your fears etc. Hope all goes well, please keep us imformed

Good Luck:)

[vti2007]

Hi Shelly,

I had a really rough couple of weeks when I started on citalopram. It CAN and DOES cause loss of appetite. It really noticed it. It can also make you feel/be sick to start with. Don't rely on my diagnosis but I would suggest that the shoulder back pain is reflux/acid related. I get this a lot. It is also worth noting that omeprazole has side effects of nausea and sickness. Again it did it to me. If you can't eat try milkshakes or complan or something just to get some calories in. Go with it though and don't stress to much about not eating and it will wear off. Just make sure you keep your fluids up.

All I can say is try and stick with it for a week or two. Once All the side effects had settled they did me the world of good. I still take the citalopram (30mg) every day and I take omeprozole as and when needed. None of them affect me much now.

The other thing with citalopram is it will send your anxiety levels through the roof for a week or two. I had two of the hardest weeks I have ever had when I started on them. I thought I was at rock bottom and then the pills sent me even lower. I also have a 3 month old son so you can imagine how hard it was but I will say that sticking with them was one of the best decisions I have made. They have helped me so much. I am 85% back to normal again now!!

Hope that helps and keep smiling:)

[ShellyE]

vti2007

thanks for that - yes, I know exactly what you mean - I started the citalopram thinking I couldn't feel any worse than what I did - I knew there were side effects and to be honest, I thought I was doing alot better last week (week 1 on them) than what I'm doing this week, last week I was eating no problem, this week just seems to be pure hell.....I didn't think it could get any worse. It's really hard to keep going - I'm so tempted to stop taking them, but I'm not going to.
I just can't get the back / shoulder pain into perspective.....it's there all the time....I feel like I have a massive lump on my oesophagus.....(though I managed a cheese and ham sandwich at lunchtime, it was painful swallowing it - but it went down !!).
It's so hard when you have little ones aswell - I can imagine what like it was for you with a 3 month old son. My little guy is 11 months old and my daughter is nearly 3 years old.....
I lost my mum & dad when I was young (well in my 20's- that's young to me now - lol, I'm 37).....that's how all my anxiety started.
I'm off to the dr this evening to see what she says.
Thanks again
Shelly.

[jannnne]

Hello Shelly

Don't know if this will help, I used to drink about half a bottle of wine a night and it made my anxiety get really out of hand. I stopped drinking in Feb and it has really made a big difference. I am taking some pills from the doc now for acid reflux and I have had tummy problems in the past before. I have had or am having all of your symptoms. It has taken 6 weeks to get my acid under control and for that full up something stuck feeling to go. I can't tell you how much healthing living has helped me. I also gave up fatty food, wheat and dairy for a bit, and made sure I drank loads of water and at leat 7 pieces of fruit and veg..daily exercise too. It is really difficult but it has helped me get back on top of things. I really hope you feel better soon, I really understand what you are going through, big hug and lots of love Janex

[ShellyE]

Hi Everyone

Went back to the dr's last night - told her everything about how I was feeling - she was great, told me never to worry about bothering her (13 years ago when I first starting having anxiety etc.... the dr I was with at the time threatened to take me off the register at the practice - cause they couldn't help me !! - since then, I've been afraid of making a nusiance of myself)....Anyway, dr did a load of blood tests last night and I upped the Citalopram from 10mg to 20mg.....(just hope the side effects aren't too bad, 1st 20mg was this morning about and hour and a half ago - so we'll see how it goes today).

Jane, thanks for your note - you've really spurred me on to be healthy. It's good to know that it took a while for your acid to get under control....I was told before aswell that I can't expect to have drank a bottle of red wine and smoked every night for nearly 13 years (give or take - apart from 2 pregnancies) and to suddenly stop and for it not to have some effect on my body ....

Thanks again everyone for all your replies....it's great to have you all to talk to.

Shelly