Via Sapientis
01-10-08, 09:55
Hi everyone! :hugs:I'm new here, but after suffering an extremely frightening experience today, it was suggested by one of my friends that perhaps it was a panic attack... and I have found my symptoms to be a bit atypical of the descriptions I have found (no chest pain, etc), though I thought it better to ask the forum community in the mean time before I can actually see a doctor -- I live on campus at university, and we are currently on break, and I did not go home for break... so I'm stuck for another few days!
Over the past few days, I have been sick. I have had a sore throat and a general feeling of uneasiness about me as well as bouts of lethargy that seem to come and go (that symptom I've had for months, now -- which may or may not be a symptom of depression, but I'm not a very emotional person, so I wouldn't really know...) Anyway, my reason for saying this is because I spoke with my boyfriend about it, who told me it may be mono ... which concerned me because I am taking a LOT of courses this semester, and can't really afford to be sick. On top of that, I'd have to take it easy (if I was tested and confirmed to have it) because of the enlarged spleen side effect...
With this all on my mind, I went to take a shower. While I was in the shower, I started to feel sick, and suddenly afraid. My body felt uneasy, and so I thought, "Oh no, may be I'm going to vomit." For 'normal' people, this wouldn't be too much of a concern, but I have an EXTREME phobia of vomiting; I have not vomited in over ten years, and will do ANYTHING not to -- in fact, I have suffered food poisoning without vomiting... So, while I was feeling extremely nauseous, I was going through the mental preparation in my mind, "Okay, I may vomit; it won't be so bad..."
I then started to realize that I was very short of breath, and breathing heavily. Then I was confused, asking myself, "Why am I breathing so heavily? I haven't been doing anything strenuous..." It was as though I became aware of it. I then became even more afraid -- "What if my spleen HAS ruptured, and I'm bleeding internally?" That is something completely irrational, and not something I'd normally think, but in the moment, it was a very real fear... Then, I started getting extremely dizzy, and almost immediately saw spots so much to the point of being blind -- because the yellow dots were everywhere. I never felt chest pain, just general uneasiness. I turned off the water and sat down on the shower stall floor for a good five minutes before I recovered from this sensation, in which my entire body (especially my legs) was tingly...
The best way to describe this moment is what I would consider to be the 'ideal' meditation -- thinking about nothing, yet being aware you are thinking about nothing. I was completely lost and gone -- and it was made all the worse by the fact that I was afraid I was going to die, and that I knew no one else was in the building or my hallway since they had all gone out that day; I thought if I passed out there, I would be alone, and if it were a true emergency, I would die. Not once did my chest hurt, though for a few hours after that, I noticed a decrease in lung capacity (as though I am having an asthma attack, but not really), and general fear of what it was. When I called my mom to ask, I was being very irrational, she noted. And now, I am fine...
My friend heard of my symptoms and explained to me that it may have been a panic attack. Given that my fear of having mono is gone (I am mostly physically well now), I'm guessing it was completely psychological. I've only had one other experience like this before, and that was about a year ago, without any trigger at all -- except for the fact that I took Claritin-D a few hours before I was supposed to, and my light-headedness was probably a result of low blood pressure... but I had that same emptiness state that I did today.
I know my message is long, but thank you for any help you can give! I thought I would walk you through the entire psychological process; it might be more fun that way. :winks:
Over the past few days, I have been sick. I have had a sore throat and a general feeling of uneasiness about me as well as bouts of lethargy that seem to come and go (that symptom I've had for months, now -- which may or may not be a symptom of depression, but I'm not a very emotional person, so I wouldn't really know...) Anyway, my reason for saying this is because I spoke with my boyfriend about it, who told me it may be mono ... which concerned me because I am taking a LOT of courses this semester, and can't really afford to be sick. On top of that, I'd have to take it easy (if I was tested and confirmed to have it) because of the enlarged spleen side effect...
With this all on my mind, I went to take a shower. While I was in the shower, I started to feel sick, and suddenly afraid. My body felt uneasy, and so I thought, "Oh no, may be I'm going to vomit." For 'normal' people, this wouldn't be too much of a concern, but I have an EXTREME phobia of vomiting; I have not vomited in over ten years, and will do ANYTHING not to -- in fact, I have suffered food poisoning without vomiting... So, while I was feeling extremely nauseous, I was going through the mental preparation in my mind, "Okay, I may vomit; it won't be so bad..."
I then started to realize that I was very short of breath, and breathing heavily. Then I was confused, asking myself, "Why am I breathing so heavily? I haven't been doing anything strenuous..." It was as though I became aware of it. I then became even more afraid -- "What if my spleen HAS ruptured, and I'm bleeding internally?" That is something completely irrational, and not something I'd normally think, but in the moment, it was a very real fear... Then, I started getting extremely dizzy, and almost immediately saw spots so much to the point of being blind -- because the yellow dots were everywhere. I never felt chest pain, just general uneasiness. I turned off the water and sat down on the shower stall floor for a good five minutes before I recovered from this sensation, in which my entire body (especially my legs) was tingly...
The best way to describe this moment is what I would consider to be the 'ideal' meditation -- thinking about nothing, yet being aware you are thinking about nothing. I was completely lost and gone -- and it was made all the worse by the fact that I was afraid I was going to die, and that I knew no one else was in the building or my hallway since they had all gone out that day; I thought if I passed out there, I would be alone, and if it were a true emergency, I would die. Not once did my chest hurt, though for a few hours after that, I noticed a decrease in lung capacity (as though I am having an asthma attack, but not really), and general fear of what it was. When I called my mom to ask, I was being very irrational, she noted. And now, I am fine...
My friend heard of my symptoms and explained to me that it may have been a panic attack. Given that my fear of having mono is gone (I am mostly physically well now), I'm guessing it was completely psychological. I've only had one other experience like this before, and that was about a year ago, without any trigger at all -- except for the fact that I took Claritin-D a few hours before I was supposed to, and my light-headedness was probably a result of low blood pressure... but I had that same emptiness state that I did today.
I know my message is long, but thank you for any help you can give! I thought I would walk you through the entire psychological process; it might be more fun that way. :winks: